how did your in laws react when u had your second baby also as a girl?

You should just ignore your inlaws comments and try to get your husband on your side.
It will probably take 10 more centuries for India to get out of this thinking.. An Indian women has already gone to the moon.. for god sake... You have to be like a lioness and protect your girls and not let anyone tell them that they are any way lesser than a boy or anyone else.

 

Hi Readymade
First of all
Get your Dh enrolled to science class where they teach that sex of baby depends on man and not on woman if his lineage ended its all because of him only.....

 

Unfortunately people (wherever) have still not changed. Gender bias exists everywhere. We are two sisters and lot of people 'pity' my parents for that. My parents, on the other hand, say that they are very proud of their two daughters. When we celebrated our father's 60th birthday last year, a few people came and told me that they came to see how two girls would celebrate their father's birthday. When we planned the event, my aunts asked my dad whether he was spending and saying that we were spending!!! When my sister and I were calculating the expenses, my dad's eldest sister came to me and said, 'You have made my brother spend a lot of money, and now you are calculating...' We didnt have anything to tell them. It wasnt until my grandfather sat down with us to split the expenses, and went through accounts, the aunts decided to keep quiet...

OP, no matter what, they are your girls.. the apples of your eyes. You need to let them feel that they are princesses and sheild them from unsavoury comments!!

Mythili

 

Hey about time we educate the society then. I am no "paraya dhan". I am firstly my own "dhan" and my family's including my husband and of course he is my "dhan" too. I know I am blessed that I have a family where I (and my sister) was raised just like my brother with same privileges. My parents are in their 60's so of couse from a different generation and love us equally.

My advice to all girls is if they want to find gender equality and respect, they have to strong. First and formost is education. Then not only should they be independent financially but also in mind and sprit. I remember even when I was very young (late teens), I told both my parents I will never marry just anyone. I wanted to study, find my own life. I got married late by Indian standards and at some point even my parents suggested i should think about marriage but I stuck to my beliefs. But my blessing that I met and married a guy who is my best friend. The entire world ( my world) was concerned about my marriage and I have had the last laugh. When we got married, both our parents did not spend a penny on our marriage. I bought a few girly stuff of my own but my husband spend on the entire wedding expense. I must add here that my husband is American and my parents loved him from the first time they met him because for him his character is what stood out the most.

My husband treats my like a princess (as does his family) and every time I read or hear all these horor IL stories, I count my blessing. The thing that gives me greatest happiness is that my husband loves and respects my family so much as I do his. My point is that it was not just a luck factor but also concious decisions. I was completely ok that if I did not find anyone, I would be ok being single though I never thought it was going to happen. My most important criteria in a mate was a caring and loving life partner with similar education and values. The point is we need to decide if we are going to live a life a misery or choose our own happiness.

 

When I went for 20 weeks scanning, my ILs were expecting a boy but the result was girl, I was so happy to hear that and the rest of the family was so upset and were in a hope that scanning result might be wrong. After delivery when my brother called my FIL to congratulate and my FIL told "if it was a boy then he would take the family name farward" and my brother was shocked to hear this. I feel that I won the battle having a girl child :thumbsup because I used to always support girls when we had any kind of male-female debate in the family . My dad is so sweet, he has 2 grand daughters (my daughter and my brother's daughter) and he very proudly annouces that to the world, he already started savings plan from his salary for his 2 little angels :bowdown

 

I really feel sad when I read all these experiences of other women from India. I grew up in India too but my experiences have been so different that I sometimes forget the other India where women go through all these problems- repressed childhood, arrange marriages( nothing wrong if girl is ok with it, but many cases they are not), interfering in-laws, problems if gave birth to girl children , dowry etc.

But we as women cannot absolve ourselves of all blame- why do we subject our parents to spend so much money on our marriage, who do we let ourselves we called "paraya dhan", why do we go with abortion of female child, put up with toture from in-laws? This will continue as long as we let this happen. Why not put our foot down and ask our parents to treat us like the grown up we are before our marriage and then expect and make sure out in-laws treat usthe same. Its our own passivity that makes us the victim of all these misfortunes. If we are not assertive and love ourselves, we will never become a good role models for our children- boy or girl.

I am expecting my first baby and we decided not to find out the sex because we are old fashioned and want to wait for the actual birth. My side of the family seconds our decision but my MIL is very eager to know the sex and keeps asking us why we dont want to know. But her curiosity is simple because she wants to rush and buy gender specific stuff- pink for girl and blue for boy. We tease her and say she can buy beyond those colors. I think is is the most wonderful time in a marriage- picking out a girl and boy name, guessing the sex etc.

So yes I feel sad that there are other women who spend this time being anxious and pressured. We have to be the change we seek. Unless we help our cause, no laws or regulation can do it.

 

I don't understand how mother can be responsible for deciding the gender of the baby before she/he was born?
Tell your MIL on the face that it's your husband who sowed the seeds so ask him to put only seeds for boy next time. This should shut her mouth! Barbarians!

 

I feel girl :goodidea: child is better now a days compare to boys...no one live with parents after wedding..another things is girls are same in every field of life as boys do...every DIL is complaining about MIL including:rant:drool me..but We alwz support our mother, same with me BCz I love her truly..and my mom feel the same...she is attached with my bros ..but not more then me...at least I am there who can understand her more then PIL...DIL....son..
So I personally feel girl is better then boy..my son is 1yr old..if we think for another baby..wish to hv a girl...:iagree
One more thing...Itz funny but for girls we have more cloth options...then boys...hahha.:coffee
And I feel inlawz hv no authority to suggest us that we should go for boy/girls Itz our wish...

 

Dear OP

My heart goes out to you. Do the best you can in your situation, from your posts I can feel your pain but you know what ignore what everyone says just give your daughters everything that you can to the best of your abilities. Make them strong and independent, because the society we live in be it in India or in any other western country, women have to suffer the same fate it is just that the degree of fight is different. Give them the best education that you can, and a mind that is open and a will that is stronger than mountain. I am sure your daughters will love you and owe you for that. As far as your parents and husband are concerned, I think in my last post on this very post I explained what I think of them! Do not have a defeatist mindset, you don't have to stand up just for yourself but also for your daughters! I know it is difficult but you owe it to your daughters, if your husband and in-laws don't care, don't care about them.
Nilamkhushi - kudos to your dad and to you for standing up to everyone!