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How Can I Help My Daughter?

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by BeautifulSmile, Sep 21, 2023.

  1. BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

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    If you remember my other posts a lot is happening right now. Keeping everything aside or at least trying to be strong but dont know what I should do to help my daughter. She has been diagnosed with depression, 2 of her very best friends started ditching her, dont know the reasons. All 5 kids are friend groups. One of them is my daughter's BF since childhood ( this kid is very close to me as she is my cousin's caughter, I know her she has no sentiments very harsh and direct, like dont care type. That's just her personality). First one girl started ditching, no matter how much effort my daughter put in patch up with her, she just ditched not telling the reason, not giving another chance. This girls seems influence my daughter's BF and this girl also started. I dont care all these or I would have thought - this is life let her experience and explore. But now knowing her depression, no idea what I can do. She is hardly talking to us, hardly eating. When she told me all this, she was crying and she dont want to lose these 2 people. I dont remember when the last time I ahve seen my daughter laughing. It hurts, it really really hurts. If you were me what would you do? I am crying, scared after Viaj Antony's daughter episode. How to be strong? I as a mom dont know how to stay strong what am I going to teach my kids?
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Okay..Firstly...good thingthat your dd opened upto you.so you know how she feels..

    Secondly..tell her calmly that
    “If people are really your friends..they will NOT exclude you“

    Another thing u can say is..
    “School life is not entire life.It is just for few years.Then college..then there is the whole waiting..so ask her not to get too attached“

    Thirdly..ask her to decrease her expectations and also understand this is how we learn life.We parents r here to just guide them..

    Fourth..after this next time she will know how to deal better..

    Fifth..Join her in any classes of her liking be it bollywood dance or zumba or yoga etc where she can meet other kids too and have fun..

    It hurts and its okay to feel pain as that makes her stronger..

    Tonight give her comfy food,warm blanket and give her a bug hug and its okah for her to sleep in the same room as her parents for a while..

    Take her for a walk and keep listening to her..

    She will be fine soon..trust me:) Have been there..in her situation as a teen and even as an adult and the above are advices i wished i woild have got ..

    God bless..we r with u anytime u wanna message.
     
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  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Have you taken your daughter to consult a professional: psychologist, therapist or psychiatrist? If you haven’t I would do this as soon as possible.
     
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  4. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, if as u say she has been diagnosed with depression, apart from talking to her calmly of her fears as Anika has pointed out above, please advise her that a professional counsellar either at a clinic or her school would be good to talk too and she will feel good. Best wishes.
     
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  5. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    first step is to go for counseling seek professional help. Next thing is just set your expectations low in every aspect until it gets better. it’s OK if studies or any other extracurricular activities are secondary now. thirdly just do what she likes to do involve her or be around her. take her out in nature find some hidden gems in your area, go for walks or trails or hiking or biking, or play games together like shuttle or swim together. You can bring her friends too if she wishes. let her have people around not exactly sitting next to her, but just in the vicinity even when she’s doing homework, try engaging her in different fun things sometimes too much talking might not work. Give her enough space but she should not feel lonely. maybe get a new hairdo or just get some new wardrobe of clothes or anything that brings a smile on her face. involve her to do things together, like cooking or baking or watching a TV show. maybe bring her friends home or take her friends together out for a movie or to mall etc. make sure she’s getting enough sleep and sunlight. Importantly do all these things subtly. It takes time to heal with proper care and support. Continue seeing a professional. Hope your daughter gets well soon. don’t panic or get stressed. She’s counting on you. Take care of yourself too.
     
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  6. BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for your response! yes we have seen Physician, psychiatrist and therapist. Sessions are in progress with therapist. I will follow few of the ideas you all have shared.
     
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  7. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    Talk to your daughter's BF, since she is your cousin's daughter and staright forward, she may give the details..
    Knowing the details will help you to deal the situation.. Try to arrange girls dinner in your home and invite them and see if any improvement..

    I dont know ur daughter's age.. any crush on school.. fallout happen due to boys?
    Without knowing the details, its tough to bring them out.. Try to find and act accordingly..
     
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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Glad that you have taken your daughter to a therapist. Hope things will improve with time, in particular with medication and proper sleep.
    However, please make sure that someone is always around her, watching at her and staying vigilant about her activities at home, school and any other places until her condition improves.
     
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  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @BeautifulSmile,

    I have gone through depression myself at the age of 47 years old after I left my active job that kept me busy for 12 hours day to doing nothing for a year. At that time, I found some creative things to do like a) making a flower arrangement, b) writing poems, c) building new friendships, d) write everything about what I learned in my entire career up to 2001 and so on.

    Your daughter is still young. My humble suggestion is to listen, listen, and listen. Don't say anything that would make her feel worthless especially things like, "You should have done this instead of that". Instead of helping, it hurts a person with depression. Lot of love and lot of attention gives your daughter who is suffering from depression, a lot of confidence. #1 priority is to rebuild her self-confidence. Tell her friendship is something that keeps evolving throughout our lives. The ones we built at young age may not stay forever throughout our lives. Our priorities in life changes and so does friendships. No friendship is indispensable as long as it is not caused by hurtful things one says. In your daughter's case, the friends walked away from her for no reason. Tell her, if they deserve her, they would get back your friendship.

    If she is motivated by faith, take her to religious place. It would also be a good idea to spend a vacation time with her to do everything she likes to do, if she can afford to miss school for a week. You be an example for self-confidence and you can do wonders and do not let your emotions as a mother to overcome you. I understand the tears of concern about your daughter but don't show your emotions to her. You can give her comfort but if you give an impression to her that you are concerned about what she was going through, her depression might get stronger. Be as natural as possible but be patient in listening as much as possible.

    Lastly, a consultation with a psychologist could help as well. If possible, you can stay next to her for a few nights to ensure she is not spending sleepless nights. Keep telling her everyday multiple times that she is precious, talented, and have a lot of things to accomplish in life. All the best.
     
  10. Ragavisang

    Ragavisang Gold IL'ite

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