Horrible Wife In A Good Marriage

Dont feel so guilty if it was done in the heat of the moment. Just be careful about controlling your anger and emotions from next time onwards. What you did was not ok but since you understand and acknowledge that - its ok. Forgive yourself, and move on. Don't over think on it.
As women, we are ruled by our emotions and hormones, so its ok to lose control within a limit from time to time. Since you didn't hurt your hubby, its fine.
More important than what you did was what was your husbands reaction, did he just brush it off or react in any other way?

 

Relax, its fine. Forget it, forgive yourself. Don't think so much over it.

 

His reaction of getting angry is an alert message for you. If he hadn't reacted on it you will never feel it's wrong in long term and will do that again. Guilt also need some specific reason. It does not last long if the other person has not hurt to the extent desired. So keep his anger and your guilt feeling always in mind and don't forget it. Try to think how nice he is and how many positives he has and how many times he supported you how your life will be without him. No one in this world can have more close relation with you throughout the life. These instances spoil the quality of long term life that you will share with him. Don't take it just as an instance that you can let go. Learn from it and think that it as a step towards your future quality of life. Small steps can make it beautiful or horrible. Decide what you want and how you would like to spend your life. With living together a separated life or a life full of understanding and love.

 

This sudden burst of anger with an intention to hurt him seems like postpartum depression to me. You are with kids all day and when he comes around trying to outsource it, you unleashed that built up frustration on him. It is NOT ok but it’s very good that you immediately apologised. Is there a family doctor around with whom you can talk this through? Perhaps you just need some breathing time, away from kids, even if it’s just for 30mins. Having 2 kids is completely different ball game and trust me, it only gets harder. Parenting is so full of energy drainers. Hormonal imbalance doesn’t have a mind of its own. It comes when it comes; even when everything is seemingly perfect. I encourage you to talk with your doctor and find resources. There are plenty of resources, make use of them.

Maybe as a starting point, you can write down your fixed things that need to be done in any given month. Make an excel, something that contains, Rent/mortgage payments, hydro, credit-cards etc etc. Write down the due dates beside them. Most of them have auto-payments. Setup auto debits. For my hydro/mortgage/insurance etc, it’s been years since I manually paid them. Only thing I check and pay is the credit card bill. Organising things will take time when you start but its worth the effort. It will take so many things off your plate.
And these days many offer home-delivery for groceries, make use of that. Little brainstorming here and there will help you a lot. I learned it the hard way.

And in my case, I noticed that he won’t do things around the house unless I specifically ask him to. Give him specific instructions, one at a time. You need laundry to be done? Tell him please put cloths in the washer. When done, please tell him, please put cloths in dryer. Then after, please bring the dry cloths to the bedroom etc…you see my point? Slowly and specifically get him to do things for you. Sometimes we unknowingly enable them with hand-holding in everything.

As for the kids, hang in there hun. They will grow up. I remember the time when mine were 5 months and 3 years respectively (now they are 3 and 6); things did improve.

And relax dear. There maybe n number of reasons for the anger. Are you eating properly and on time? Don’t be hungry. That’s a major trigger point in my case. When I am hungry, I get angry at the drop of a hat. Maybe when time permits and kids go to bed, you can point out what exactly you expect from him in terms of kids responsibilities when he returns home. Be very specific. Like, him taking the kids to the park for an hour so you can actually shower and cook something. Hang in there…
You already know that raising the hand is counter-productive; so I will not insist on that. Just, talk to your doctor about postpartum depression.

Edited to add: Your expectations are well within reason. Its perfectly alright for a dad to pitch in after he comes home from work. Its not like you are in a spa everyday.

 

what is his office timing ?? if he gets only 2 hours of relaxation time then its not ok to ask him to spend that time with kids ...may be on weekends ..but daily its too hard for a working person

 

I very strongly disagree with this opinion.

OP, do not let him or anyone talk to you into believing that its your sole responsibility to bring up the kids. He absolutely has to pitch in EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. he is the father of your child.

 

i very very strongly disagree with this opinion

just because he cant spend time with his kids every single day (as if its a clockwork ) does not mean that a dad is shunning his responsibility ..........just like ONE cant apply the same rule to a housewife and say " hey housewife , its not ur husband's sole responsibility to earn for kids , and u (mother) shd absolutely has to pitch in EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.u r the MOTHER OF THE CHILD"
ur husband "IS PITCHING IN" every freaking day by toiling and moiling his behind for bloody 10 hrs at least ..just his "PITCHING IN " IS INDIRECT . having said that , he can /he shd spend quality time frequently

 

I guess we can "respectfully" agree to disagree on this one then @friendabc.

And wow, i am completely taken aback by your rather rude response. I guess the culture at IL is changing afterall.

Anyway, he has 2 hours free time from work. So, the wife is expected to take care of the kids 24/5 going by your logic. And look where OP stands right now by doing the exact same thing.

Now, if both husband and wife agree with this 24/5 setup, there wont be any issues; but this setup is no longer OK with OP. Hence the issue.

Similarly, if the husband expects wife to contribute financially for the family, then yes, it comes through mutual agreement and she has to do her part. yes, every single day. isnt that how relationships work? For us specifically, we need 2 pay checks to keep with with our bills and so, both of us work. If OP's situation is the same (i.e needing certain amount of money), then it would be unfair on OPs part to refuse to work. It goes both ways, I agree. I dont know why you thought I was being one-sided.