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Horrible living conditions of house.., stingy PILs.. plz suggest..!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by silverlight, Aug 13, 2012.

  1. silverlight

    silverlight Silver IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,
    Was trying to hold all this back from long time thinking the reasons are silly.. but getting very much frustrated and this causing ifghts between DH and me.. Just venting out today..
    Please suggest me what to do...!
    Am married for 6 months now.. it was an arranged marriage and living with in-laws. am also working.. DH n me have a decent salary..

    Staying with in-laws to whom cleanliness comes at the last stage.. They are least interested in setting up the house properly and maintaining it..
    Right now we are staying in a rented small 2 BHK.. whic lacks very basic facilities.
    I feel so embarassed when somebody comes to home.. don't feel like inviting any relatives/friends to home..

    Some problems are.. no water comes in the taps.. so water has to be stored up for everything when there is supply.. thats fine. thing is.. these people don't keep big containers to store rather fill small containers and stack them in kitchen like a steel shop.. they even fill small water glass too..!! :rant
    My MIL, she is 66 now. i don expect her to do all this.. alteast allow me to do..!! she does not want to put a door mat anywhere in the house.. i was sooo shocked when i got one for my bedroom and she threw it with anger in balcony..!! once i got a plastic soap box to keep dishwash bar kept near the washbasin sink as it was getting melted away.. next day it was thrown outside the kitchen..
    no racks to keep grocery containers in kitchen.. she keeps everything on the floor. soemtimes keeps the steel containers in the living room.. :bonk
    There was no footwear stand till date in the house.. The first things i got to this home were.. footwear stand, dustbin, dust pan.... (MIL hates dust pan! :drowning)
    There are many 100s like this.. nothing is proper in the house..!

    After coming from office i do mopping of the house, bathrooms.. washing machine (no drier..), have to wash utensils.. (pouring water with hand)
    Am not blaming i have to do the works.. but doing without all the basics..!!
    I feeel soooo silly to write all this.. but all this is very irritating. I feel so frustrated to even enter house..

    We did not see the house before wedding.. I had seen this guy in his sister's house. Who would expect people living in a cosmopolitan city.. who are well off... will live in house like this...!!!!!!! :rant

    DH has bought a house.. which will be available nearly 1 n half yrs from now..!!
    Rent for the current house is paid by him only...
    Going to other rent house will solve all htese problems..
    PILs are not agreeing to shift to other rent house.. they are very dominating..very STINGY..! DH won't be able to convince them..as his mom does all emotional blackmail to which DH throws in..

    Sorry for the long post.. how to handle situation like this? how to convince DH for this?
    Am i over reacting? should i just go on with the mess like this??
    AM loosing my peace of mind.. Please suggest me..
     
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  2. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    Don't get panic...you can hire a maid she can help you a lot in moping, dusting, washing clothes, utensils and ironing..cutting veg..you can buy liquid hand wash so no need to put soap case...you can manage your room according to your wish..and you can buy small rack which you can hang on wall...invite your friends when PIL are out...
     
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  3. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Okay, first of all, being stingy is one thing and even then, throwing things bought by a DIL to make the household function properly out of the window is a completely different thing.

    I dont have any solution. But this difference was striking!
     
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  4. silverlight

    silverlight Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Tashsin and smritisinha for your reply.... :thumbsup

    But the problem is.. they don allow me to hire a maid, don like the things we buy to make life easier.... they don want to spend single penny on those.. and say we are 'Simple living, high thinking' kind of people..!! :idontgetit: They think its wasting of money..
    one more problem is.. they have been living like this for years.. why to change so that things have to be according to DIL way..! But my point is cleanliness and higeine.
    if DH suggests something.. they say.. you are saying all this because its difficult for your wife.. , she is a girl she has to adjust and all.
     
  5. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    This is sheer nonsense. Ask DH to make them explain that simple living and no living are 2 different things. And high thinking people do believe in hygiene. Also, make them explain that if we use bigger vessels to store water, we can store MORE water for FREE. And the soapcase will prevent the soap from melting away and hence the usage will be LESS. And doormats will help people brush their feet outside, so less dirt inside, so LESS usage of floor cleaner. Talk to them in money language, may be they would understand.
     
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  6. orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    This doesnt look like stinginess. Stingy people save the doormat or soap case for some other use. Their attitude looks more like "My way or the highway".

    6 months is too early into the marriage to change or firmly voice your opinion. Instead of you getting stuff for home, ask your husband to get things like storage containers for water and tell his mom that he got it for her. That way she might think she is getting importance and it might work in your favor.

    Give it a try.
     
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  7. malarun

    malarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Silverlight,

    Ok now this is a long long reply take your time to read it….

    I think my PILs and your PILs are related he he he.... The only good thing for me is they are in my DH's native I just go for the weekends... I make all the preparations like I am going for a camp to a forest... I am serious no joking...
    Ok let me first tell what I do(just to assure u, u are not alone) and then I will come for the suggestions for your situation

    Let me take the scenario I go for sat and sun..
    I take two bags with me, one bag with our dresses and towels(4) 2/day for each of us... I will not have a proper place to dry the towel even if I dry they will accumulate a lot of dirt...
    bedsheets air pillow etc... because I cannot use any of the things there as I dont know when they were washed may be 3 months back... Bottles of mineral water…
    VIM bar, pril, scrubber, broom stick, domex and toiletries and of course a bathroom slipper…

    You know why VIM bar because they don’t wash utensils with soap it causes water pollution… So before I cook anything I have kept a set of spate utensils I use when I go there, I wash it, cook and then wash and dry them and put it on the loft before I start…

    They don’t hire a maid as it is inauspicious for her to enter the house, but a cow, goat, rats they are not tame ones but from the street, everything can enter but not a maid…
    Now when I got married I was shocked, I never saw their house before marriage, but my DH did tell me about this probably 50% and I thought he was exaggerating but the truth is different…
    Now I don’t blame them my MIL is sick (according to her) and she feels if she gets up also she will die… my FIL he is another specimen.. So now I have adjusted… Now my DH hates going there after seeing the way I maintain my house… I had to struggle a lot to teach my DH what cleanliness is… He used to fight with me saying you are insulting my family; I gave a deaf ear to whatever he said… now he gets all these things if we are going there… He is getting irritated if the house is not clean for one day… He has got used to a clean house now…

    Now to your scenario:

    No amount of talking is going to make you DH realize these things… what you can do is the following
    · You can keep your room clean and make you DH realize what cleanliness is …
    · Take him to your house and friends’ house and make him realize what is wrong in his house… and how people outside are living a clean life…
    · I warn you better change your DH’s perspective before you move to your own house else it will also become dilapidated…
    · Only your actions will change him and no amount of complaining is going to change him…
    · If your MIL throws the doormat out take and keep it back near the bathroom, if she throws it out of the house, then buy one more and keep it… make sure you show her that you are stubborn about cleanliness in the house... If she creates issues about this calmly explain to your DH this is for her good because she might slip and break a bone if she walks with wet legs right out of the bathroom…
    Do let me know i you need any other suggestion...


    Thanks
    Malar
     
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  8. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Well you cannot talk to them or change them at all. This will not change even after decades.
    You are new in this marriage. Not sure how much you can implement...DH should be equally involved.
     
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  9. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    A lot of people are like that. My in laws are the same. They use ground water for all purposes except cooking and drinking. The sweet water they get is stored in buckets! They never get a dispenser...they lived abroad for so many yrs and never got a dispenser! They are unlikely to change. When I was pregnant I could not lift the containers to pour water to drink and very often the jug would be empty...once I got angry with my sil for not helping even though she was in the kitchen...they must have complained to hubby who then used to get mineral water bottles for me to drink from.

    Your case is extreme. Your husband should put his foot down. This throwing out things that you bring for everybody is so immature. Only your hubby can enforce change.
     
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  10. ashimasd

    ashimasd Silver IL'ite

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    just tell them that oyu cant do without cleanliness...n tell nicely to ur mil that throwing out your things wont simply work anymore..i dont think she will do anything next time...n my sister has exactly the opposite problem..her MIL is a cleanliness freak!!!:rant
    Or a good solution(which i would adopt in the same case) would be to just stop cleaning your home for one week..dont even change the bedsheet of your room..let ur DH's shoes become muddy and ful of dust..lets see what he will have to say after that :boo:
     

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