Hoping Mil To Die

Change is coming, slowly but surely. The helper for one of my older relatives used to work as an assistant at a retirement home in Coimbatore. She said quite a few people had been left there by their children not entirely voluntarily.

 

When it is an issue between a man and woman, the world tendency is to listen to the woman and if the issue is between two women, the tendency is to give benefit of doubt to an older woman.
The aggravation in this situation is the MIL knows how to behave in the presence of others and also be nice to DIL after one nasty attitude. @sadwife had already responded strongly once and stopped interacting with her. Hopefully, she will find a closure to her heartburn. Her happy living with the husband and kids is important than thinking about the MIL. Mental death sentence happens in rarest of rare cases when the tongue lashing crosses all the limits demeaning DIL’s parents, their upbringing of their child and in some cases even character assassination.

 

I hope this is right. Lot of cheap-minded people wish for my Dad to die. They would be happy to know he is in pain and suffering.

 

My Dad helped them come to USA, and git them jobs in local government, even resigning from his own job.

Mr Dads boss told my Dad in front of his BIL that Dad is making the most dumb decision.

Now that the relatives are settled they say they were happy in India and he forced them to become to USA. Even my Dad’s Mother thought that was stupid and of course sided with my Dad.

Decades later My Dad gave (not loan( nearly $100,000 US dollars for one of their daughters (who was adopted by another sibling) Medical education so she can become Medical Doctor and come to USA (my Dad’s Mother was telling him to do this)

Of course she never passed Medical school but is in USA and tells all the gullible people she is Doctor.

Their other daughter called my Dad shaukani mamma (from Mahabharata) in the Gurudwara.

And when my Dad rescued me from abusive marriage that was fake (due to loser wanting green card), they all sided with the abusive devil


Also my birth mother was jealousy and hateful towards me so she didn’t like that my Dad stayed and took care of me. Relatives, people told my Dad to leave the nasty witch and leave me (I wasn’t a bright child and children without Fathers who are not bright are more likely to be sexually abused and exploited).

Yep, my Dad’s a real Bastard that’s why everyone pray he die

 

Dear sadwife,

Know the feeling only so well. Been there and nothing has changed over so many decades. But let me share something with you. Wishing her death will not do you any good. She won't pop off because you wish that. Only you will lose peace of mind.

I have not read all your other posts, so I do not know where your husband figures in this whole picture. So I am considering 3 scenarios.

1. If he is supportive and if all is well between you two, do you think he will be happy after his mom pops off? If he is unhappy, will you feel happy?
2. If he is indifferent, and if things are not great between you, then it may not necessarily improve if she pops off. If you think she is coming between you two, then remember that she may not be entirely responsible. Your husband also is responsible for letting her come between you two and for not standing up for the two of you.
3. If he is part of the problem and is a momma's boy, then her not being around would only mean the son grieves her, probably holds you responsible for not 'respecting' or 'loving' her the way he would have wanted you to. So what is most important for you viz. your relationship with your husband will not necessarily improve.

So what do you do? It is impractical to expect you to fall in love with the mil and to be angelic to her. Fine. You don't want to talk to her, don't. You are within your rights not to. Do you have to take care of her? Do you feel obliged to? Do whatever you would do for any houseguest of yours - nothing more, nothing less. Don't guilt trip yourself over it either. It is certainly not worth it. But please don't waste your energy or fill yourself up with negative thoughts by wishing death on her. It most certainly won't do anything for you.

 

Yeah it is already coming around.
Not sure why you have decided to go around with your sarcasm, may be thats the best you got?

 

OP, reading your posts, you have a very big positive to make up for your pain-your H on your side agreeing with your feelings.
It would have been impossible if your H was oblivious to your feelings ( look around here, 90% of husbands usually are).

Dont fret over the future situation and lose sight of your everyday jackpot!.

 

I dont really care about what you say, if you got any better advice then go head...