Hoping Mil To Die

Thyagarajan · Jun 19, 2023

Viswamitra said: ↑

this is what you were referring to when you said you wanted to set the right example for the children. Ot
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This reminds me of another thought provoking situation which may or may not relevant to reflect here:
After the departure of parents to heaven, dad & mom were cleaning & clearing & disposing off parents certain personal effects which include their metal platter In which food was served .
Watching it from a distance, their daughter of eight years old, rushed to the spot and grabbed the metal plates from the buyer at doorstep and taken it in.
Her enraged mom questioned, “why you need to take it?”.
The daughter replied, “ you served all these days grand parents sitting in a corner their food in those aluminium platters. I need it to serve You & Dad when you turn old”.

sadwife · Jun 19, 2023

Viswamitra said: ↑

Generally, someone wishing someone to die doesn’t happen easily. All your subsequent posts are giving me an impression that you did everything you could to address the issue except being silent initially. Perhaps, this is what you were referring to when you said you wanted to set the right example for the children. Other than some generic putting you down, did your MIL say anything that is inappropriate to say about a) your parents, b) your upbringing or c) yourself? That thought wishing your MIl to die is extreme and that is why I am asking this. I can understand if you don’t like to say it here.
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Yes, she had said everything. Yet I know it's extreme to wish her die. Now when there are weddings or any other functions to attend, I hate to go as I need to face her. It spoils the whole excitement. Especially Deepavali, I'm forced to go to her place even though it's been agreed by DH and me we wouldn't be staying there anymore. We just go there on the eve spend few hours then shot to my parents place. This spoils my mood every year.

sadwife · Jun 19, 2023

Thyagarajan said: ↑

This reminds me of another thought provoking situation which may or may not relevant to reflect here:
After the departure of parents to heaven, dad & mom were cleaning & clearing & disposing off parents certain personal effects which include their metal platter In which food was served .
Watching it from a distance, their daughter of eight years old, rushed to the spot and grabbed the metal plates from the buyer at doorstep and taken it in.
Her enraged mom questioned, “why you need to take it?”.
The daughter replied, “ you served all these days grand parents sitting in a corner their food in those aluminium platters. I need it to serve You & Dad when you turn old”.
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Again I believe you are treated like how you treat them not like how you treat others. We should stop implying fear by promoting this type of stories. Teach the younger generation to stand against ill treatment.

One more to add, my kids are not at all attached with MIL nor do her other grandchildren. That's how cold is she towards them. They hardly talk to her. They just give short answers when she asks them something. My kids are very close with my mum and super excited everytime we are about to visit my mum and my relatives.

Thyagarajan · Jun 19, 2023

sadwife said: ↑

Again I believe you are treated like how you treat them not like how you treat others. We should stop implying fear by promoting this type of stories. Teach the younger generation to stand against ill treatment.

One more to add, my kids are not at all attached with MIL nor do her other grandchildren. That's how cold is she towards them. They hardly talk to her. They just give short answers when she asks them something. My kids are very close with my mum and super excited everytime we are about to visit my mum and my relatives.
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The anecdote i referred to is real one. It evidences children learn fast, more and quick by observartion. So it follows that adults ought to be more percipient in front of children while they treat or act.

sadwife · Jun 19, 2023

Thyagarajan said: ↑

The anecdote i referred to is real one. It evidences children learn fast, more and quick by observartion. So it follows that adults ought to be more percipient in front of children while they treat or act.
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Yes. I explain to my kids why do I do something. MIL is rude and harsh to them when DH and I not nearby. I caught her doing this few times when she was not aware I was in the nearby room. Once when one of my kids went downstairs on her own to take a toy, I told my DH his mother will definitely scold her or something. So we were just standing and looking from the staircase. MIL didn't notice us and started scolding my kid for coming down to take a toy. My kid kept on searching for the toy while MIL angrily kept chasing her to go upstairs. I quickly asked my daughter whether she had taken her toy. MIL was stunned because we saw how she treated our kid. Few other incidents also continuously took place before that during her that particular stay at our place. So that day onwards I told myself I had enough and I stopped talking to her.

But I do remind my kids that it's their father's duty to look after his mother no matter what even though I don't like her. Old people especially Indians know no matter how bad they behave end of the day their children will still not abandon them. This is what always gives them the green light to do whatever they want.

Thyagarajan · Jun 19, 2023

In Anushakthi nagar my colleague R & I were neighbours and quartered next to next. R’s mother an orthodox, conservative, religious & pious lady. . But R’s spouse’s mother agile outgoing and bit talkative.
My friend’s daughters seen go happily with “Amma-patti” to shopping and hobnob well. Even R’s spouse enjoy her company indoors & outdoors. This amma patti was liberal and never command or instruct but only suggest.
The conservative appa-patti always try to exercise control and bit dictatorial. R & R’spouse and their two daughters shun her presence. But never i heard any bickering.
Including children the family had a knack to manage their old mothers . I found Daughters fond of amma-pāttì congenial, social & amiable.

lavani · Jun 19, 2023

sadwife said: ↑

Yes. I explain to my kids why do I do something. MIL is rude and harsh to them when DH and I not nearby. I caught her doing this few times when she was not aware I was in the nearby room. Once when one of my kids went downstairs on her own to take a toy, I told my DH his mother will definitely scold her or something. So we were just standing and looking from the staircase. MIL didn't notice us and started scolding my kid for coming down to take a toy. My kid kept on searching for the toy while MIL angrily kept chasing her to go upstairs. I quickly asked my daughter whether she had taken her toy. MIL was stunned because we saw how she treated our kid. Few other incidents also continuously took place before that during her that particular stay at our place. So that day onwards I told myself I had enough and I stopped talking to her.

But I do remind my kids that it's their father's duty to look after his mother no matter what even though I don't like her. Old people especially Indians know no matter how bad they behave end of the day their children will still not abandon them. This is what always gives them the green light to do whatever they want.
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I did not read anything on your past threads. But all i can say, you can and should stand up for your children even if it means offending your spouse if your MIL is not treating them with respect. Because that affect their self confidence

2. law of nature or some power above us. harder you wish someone to die , that harder they will linger and will make sure you are the one who takes care of them. kind of teaching you back too. focus on your life and things oher than MIL., if not working find something outside home for couple of hours.

Thyagarajan · Jun 19, 2023

lavani said: ↑

I did not read anything on your past threads. But all i can say, you can and should stand up for your children even if it means offending your spouse if your MIL is not treating them with respect. Because that affect their self confidence

2. law of nature or some power above us. harder you wish someone to die , that harder they will linger and will make sure you are the one who takes care of them. kind of teaching you back too. focus on your life and things oher than MIL., if not working find something outside home for couple of hours.
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I like this short & sweet indoctrination to the tumultuous mind.
Cosmic Force over every one handing justice in right time at right moment.

sadwife · Jun 19, 2023

Thyagarajan said: ↑

In Anushakthi nagar my colleague R & I were neighbours and quartered next to next. R’s mother an orthodox, conservative, religious & pious lady. . But R’s spouse’s mother agile outgoing and bit talkative.
My friend’s daughters seen go happily with “Amma-patti” to shopping and hobnob well. Even R’s spouse enjoy her company indoors & outdoors. This amma patti was liberal and never command or instruct but only suggest.
The conservative appa-patti always try to exercise control and bit dictatorial. R & R’spouse and their two daughters shun her presence. But never i heard any bickering.
Including children the family had a knack to manage their old mothers . I found Daughters fond of amma-pāttì congenial, social & amiable.
Click to expand...

It doesn't mean everyone will have the same level of tolerance and need to follow suit what all the others do.

nolife · Jun 23, 2023

@sadwife I do understand this feeling. Just 3mons in to the remarriage or say marriage, I want my mil to die. She has taken away my peace of mind , constant nagging and creating rift between me and my husband. It has been quite difficult to put up with her. She irritates me to the core. Its a torture and living her and most times I question myself why I have remarried.