Hoping Mil To Die

chanchitra · Jun 15, 2023

sadwife said: ↑

the other one married a girl of a different religion.
Click to expand...

Why does another religion girl Matter?
She just needs the have the intent to take care.

sadwife · Jun 15, 2023

chanchitra said: ↑

Why does another religion girl Matter?
She just needs the have the intent to take care.
Click to expand...

It matters to them. She is not only of different religion but different race too.

sadwife · Jun 15, 2023

swarnamary said: ↑

A while ago, i was so against one of my aunty and my husband knows that i dont like her much, he never force me with do anything with her eventhou she is very close relative, one day i started thinking why am i wasting my energy,time thinking about someone who wont make my life happy,she is not my mil, sil that i got to be worried about her presence, then i got into sense and start forgiving her for all things she has done and i found myself at peace, comfortable..its a very good feeling...now when she come i talk good with her, no hard feelings and to my suprise she is a changed person now....Thank God.

here you are talking about your mil, if your husband know that this is your wish for your mil, what would your husband reaction would be???? you are lucky that she is not staying with you all the time its only some times, and instead of having good times with your husband,kids you are putting all your negative thoughts towards your mil whom you dont know when she is coming...most of the mil are different and do all kind of crazy things but when we dont have any other way we try to make it work.
Click to expand...

I can never forgive her for sure. I make myself forget of her existence and during that period I will be very happy and have peace of mind but the moment any function coming up I will feel so down again. My husband says now that she knows I will not just keep quiet if she says or does something unpleasant, she will be very careful with me will be within her limits. But I know the minute I give some face to her she will start her nonsense all over again!

sadwife · Jun 15, 2023

DDream said: ↑

One need courage to admit their own thoughts. You did. But its very toxic. How do you feel if your near ones think the same way about you. How will your husband respond if he came to know about it? Your Mil is not living with you. Your husband cant run away from his duty of taking care of his mom. Whatever it may be, learn to forgive, detach from her and past events. Treat her like a stranger. Try therapy, it may help you. Negatively, hatred, anger, grudge etc kill those who has it not the person its directed. No one is perfect, so look at the positives. So, learn techniques to handle situation than burn in this fire of hatred and kill yourself. Divert your mind from these thoughts and focus on making your life better.

View attachment 269760
Click to expand...

I feel it's unfair. My husband is not the only son or child. I know anger is not good for me but I just can't help it. As long as I don't have to deal with her I will be fine. I just don't want to have to do anything with her. I want zero contact with her. DH can go visit her whenever he wants.

swarnamary · Jun 15, 2023

sadwife said: ↑

I can never forgive her for sure. I make myself forget of her existence and during that period I will be very happy and have peace of mind but the moment any function coming up I will feel so down again. My husband says now that she knows I will not just keep quiet if she says or does something unpleasant, she will be very careful with me will be within her limits. But I know the minute I give some face to her she will start her nonsense all over again!
Click to expand...

Good luck to you... what goes around comes around...

DDream · Jun 15, 2023

sadwife said: ↑

I feel it's unfair. My husband is not the only son or child. I know anger is not good for me but I just can't help it. As long as I don't have to deal with her I will be fine. I just don't want to have to do anything with her. I want zero contact with her. DH can go visit her whenever he wants.
Click to expand...

Your husband cant run away, he has to share responsibility even if you like it or not. Its not easy for him either. His situation is like a person in between the devil and the sea. I hope this wont affect your married life. In your another post you mentioned "Overall she is a good MILcompared to so evil MILs out there".But I can't digest the fact that she is happily enjoying the care ofmy DH". Your dh didnt stand up for you when she hurt you. Its his problem. He didn't stand up when you were rude to his mom either. He has to stand up for you and his mom- however bad you guys or situation are. Both your roles in his life is unique, one can't replace the other. So, its not fair to her too. No one has to tolerate bad behavior from anyone. You need to discuss with dh and find a practical solution that works for both of you. Let him know your decision you mentioned above that you dont want her in your life (will he be able to digest it) , but you don't stop your dh or your kids. I am not judging who is right or wrong as you three know the complex reality- just mentioning different angles of this situation.

Unless you set yourself free from these extreme thinking, your are going to be hurt and burned in this fire, no one else. Its a vicious cycle. So, I suggest you to try therapy, flush this out of your system, forgive yourself for being in this situation. I am suggesting this as you may end up punishing yourself if you dont. These strong negativivity can affect overall health too. Makesure you are eating nutrient rich food and taking care of your health. So, try to reach a middle ground. Its your life, your choice. My suggestion here is to prevent you from its long term side effects. You need to heal yourself. Only, you can help yourself for it.Take care

Anbhu · Jun 16, 2023

Taking care of parents when they are in ill health is children duty. In case if it happens that she need help you can let your H to live with his mom for some years and he can visit you and your kids. You should make yourself prepared to take care of yourself and kids with some help from you H during that period.

sadwife · Jun 16, 2023

DDream said: ↑

Your husband cant run away, he has to share responsibility even if you like it or not. Its not easy for him either. His situation is like a person in between the devil and the sea. I hope this wont affect your married life. In your another post you mentioned "Overall she is a good MILcompared to so evil MILs out there".But I can't digest the fact that she is happily enjoying the care ofmy DH". Your dh didnt stand up for you when she hurt you. Its his problem. He didn't stand up when you were rude to his mom either. He has to stand up for you and his mom- however bad you guys or situation are. Both your roles in his life is unique, one can't replace the other. So, its not fair to her too. No one has to tolerate bad behavior from anyone. You need to discuss with dh and find a practical solution that works for both of you. Let him know your decision you mentioned above that you dont want her in your life (will he be able to digest it) , but you don't stop your dh or your kids. I am not judging who is right or wrong as you three know the complex reality- just mentioning different angles of this situation.

Unless you set yourself free from these extreme thinking, your are going to be hurt and burned in this fire, no one else. Its a vicious cycle. So, I suggest you to try therapy, flush this out of your system, forgive yourself for being in this situation. I am suggesting this as you may end up punishing yourself if you dont. These strong negativivity can affect overall health too. Makesure you are eating nutrient rich food and taking care of your health. So, try to reach a middle ground. Its your life, your choice. My suggestion here is to prevent you from its long term side effects. You need to heal yourself. Only, you can help yourself for it.Take care
Click to expand...

DDream,
It's nice that you pointed out DH didn't stand up for me or for her either. But I still won't agree it's unfair for her too as she was the one who started everything. One thing that makes me feel a bit better is that DH mentioned that in the event his mother got really over board or extreme then for sure he would sound his mother. Maybe for now I should believe that she wouldn't come and stay with us and just be focused with my life and family. Decide later when the time comes.

sadwife · Jun 16, 2023

swarnamary said: ↑

Good luck to you... what goes around comes around...
Click to expand...

We have seen those who were filial to their parents been abandoned by their own children and those who avoided their parents for whatever reason been looked after well by their children. It's not people treat you by how you treat others, it's more to people treat you based on how you treat them. We should stop trying to make people feel guilty for giving importance to their own well being, emotional and mental health.

sadwife · Jun 16, 2023

Anbhu said: ↑

Taking care of parents when they are in ill health is children duty. In case if it happens that she need help you can let your H to live with his mom for some years and he can visit you and your kids. You should make yourself prepared to take care of yourself and kids with some help from you H during that period.
Click to expand...

DH wouldn't agree to stay away from us.