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Hoping Mil To Die

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sadwife, Jun 11, 2023.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Even though she doesn't stay with us but it bothers me a lot every time I need to face her during weddings, Deepavali etc. For time being my DH is not inviting her to come over to our place as I'm not happy about it. Previously she used to come and stay often. The last time she came I didn't talk to her so been some time now she didn't come. How long can my DH stop her from coming? If suddenly she decides to come, he won't be able to say no.
     
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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    You are worried about something going to happen in future and wasting your present life.
    When she comes handle it. Have you considered distracting yourself with other things in life other than MIL issue ?
    If she isn't physically there and you are still spending so much time thinking about her maybe you have too much time. What are you passionate about ? Pursue your passion.
    No offense the fact that your husband is fine with you not talking to MIL and she not living with you 24x7 is itself a blessing. Count your blessings. Don't want to discount your past problems with her but obsessing over an individual living with you when they are not even in talking terms with you is not good. Life is short don't miss out on good things that are in front of your eyes.
     
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  3. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    I am occupied with lots of stuffs but constantly reminded about MIL in the midst of doing something. The fear that I need to meet her again or the greater fear that she will come and stay at my place is killing my peace of mind. Both going to be very unpleasant so I don't want it to happen at all. I would be at ease if the concerned people directly tell me no she wouldn't be staying with us when she is no longer able to live on her own. Sometimes I feel like just speaking up bringing up this matter to BIL and co sister but I know it's going to turn out ugly so I'm avoiding it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2023
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  4. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    This seems to be contradictory to what you were saying all this time .
    On one had you wish death on her since you know for sure she is going to live with you during old age on the other hand you want someone to tell she won’t stay with you . I really don’t think any kid would be willing to tell their parents to not live with them in old age unless the kid directly had some conflict with parents and not their spouse. You are unwilling to see the problem from other’s perspective and are adamant about your thinking. Hope you find peace within yourself .
     
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  5. pni

    pni Senior IL'ite

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    Caring mil should be her son duty. You cannot avoid her when she gets old. Take an apartment or house nearby and keep her there and take care of her. Don't agree to keep her with you in the same house. Your privacy will go away. Can't go anywhere for holidays. Life will become hard. I am caring my mother from a separate house. This is much peacefull than caring my mil with help in the same house.
     
  6. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    She will definetely end up staying with us unless i create a big fuss about it and let everyone know I don't want her to be with us. Even then I'm not sure whether it's possible for BIL to have her stay at his place. My DH prefers her not to come here as well but it's like he can't directly tell her. He knows and agrees about her character but still she is his mother he has got no choice. I feel this is very unfair. His other brothers don't take responsibility as they can easily escape with the excuse one is in another country while the other one married a girl of a different religion.
     
  7. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Not possible to make her stay in a separate house, it won't work for their family set up. I hope she won't fall very sick and will be able to cope up on her own till her last day.
     
  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Where there is a will there is always a way put. But is it applicable here?
    Let me put the rabbit that is flummoxed when she encountered a MIL in a camouflage. But then it discovered a way out.

    upload_2023-6-14_20-43-34.jpeg
     
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  9. swarnamary

    swarnamary Gold IL'ite

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    A while ago, i was so against one of my aunty and my husband knows that i dont like her much, he never force me with do anything with her eventhou she is very close relative, one day i started thinking why am i wasting my energy,time thinking about someone who wont make my life happy,she is not my mil, sil that i got to be worried about her presence, then i got into sense and start forgiving her for all things she has done and i found myself at peace, comfortable..its a very good feeling...now when she come i talk good with her, no hard feelings and to my suprise she is a changed person now....Thank God.

    here you are talking about your mil, if your husband know that this is your wish for your mil, what would your husband reaction would be???? you are lucky that she is not staying with you all the time its only some times, and instead of having good times with your husband,kids you are putting all your negative thoughts towards your mil whom you dont know when she is coming...most of the mil are different and do all kind of crazy things but when we dont have any other way we try to make it work.
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    One need courage to admit their own thoughts. You did. But its very toxic. How do you feel if your near ones think the same way about you. How will your husband respond if he came to know about it? Your Mil is not living with you. Your husband cant run away from his duty of taking care of his mom. Whatever it may be, learn to forgive, detach from her and past events. Treat her like a stranger. Try therapy, it may help you. Negatively, hatred, anger, grudge etc kill those who has it not the person its directed. No one is perfect, so look at the positives. So, learn techniques to handle situation than burn in this fire of hatred and kill yourself. Divert your mind from these thoughts and focus on making your life better.

    upload_2023-6-14_15-5-55.png
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2023

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