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Hoping Mil To Die

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sadwife, Jun 11, 2023.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    I feel so down.
    I have this constant feeling hoping for MIL to die soon. I think it's OK for her to go as she is already old, she has lived her live, seen grandchildren and no one is dependent on her now. I hate her so much, I hate to look at her face, I hate to hear her voice and I even hate when someone talks about her. I will get very angry and everything that she had said and done to me would keep running in my mind.

    I know this is a very big sin but this is how I'm feeling. She is healthy for now except the normal issues like diabetes and high blood pressure of which both are perfectly under control. She doesn't stay with us but very likely will come stay with us if she happens to fall ill or gets too old and weak. She used to come to our place often and stay for 1 or 2 weeks. After I openly confronted her and didn't talk to her the last time she visited us, also directly showing I hate her coming to our place, she didn't come for some time now. But I worry she will be here anytime.

    Please forgive me for being so blunt.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2023
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok you have vented here in IL. But the load is still not off your head or heart. Continue to the status of hate would only keep you in high tension 440 volts which is not good to the body and would th grow hormones mechanism in haywire. Mental energies could be put into better use o mean productive constructive or even consider chant and spirituality. Your IL name & AVATARS ARE contradictory. Sad & happiness?! Constant hate suppressed pent up anger accumulated over a period can be destructive and worsen or cause BP & diabetic issues and even disturb menstrual rhythm.
    A friend of mine was praying for some one's departure to heaven but to every one's dismay she herself expired for unknown cause(s).
    Best wishes
    Regards
     
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  3. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    They say the good die young and evil lives forever.

    My Dad is probably same age as your evil MIL (yes, I believe she is evil because our culture enables this type of behavior of those who give birth to a male), and he is facing so many health issues even after Heart Surgery.

    You are not doing sin at all.

    If shoe were on the other foot, people would likely tell you it is your Karma for actions of past life,

    You are not doing sin at all
     
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  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Has she tortured you a lot previously?
     
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  5. drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

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    This is very unfortunate situation. God bless you and keep you away from the evil .Pray everyday to god that may he keep you safe from evil and bless you .This is the best way you can put your prayers into words and not feel like a sinner. Rest he is the best judge and the best listener..I remember a quote saying..
    People say god is not visible but the fact us only he is visible when there us no visible solution to your problems. God bless❤️
     
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  6. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    It is not your place to decide who should live or leave the earth . Do you work ? What makes you happy ?
    Since she isn’t living with you how does it bother you ?
    Will you be solely responsible for her in her old age ?
    Have you tried spiritual ways to overcome your hate ?
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I agree with this.
    Your MIL is not affected by what you are wishing for her. She is living her life happily while you are spoiling your own mental peace with all these negative thoughts. Please seek some counseling or talk to people who can give you practical advice.
     
  8. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    I’m not sure if you follow Hinduism but one thing I will tell is sometimes praying helps us to heal . It gives us hope. During 2020-2022 I faced lot of problems from my sil and I had no proof of anything that happened before . During that time I kept praying and asking supreme power to show me some way. Slowly and steadily I saw some path opening up. Sometimes the path lead to better roads. Sometimes it was just dead end. Sometimes it was complete waste of time and I lost more money and time. But I had faith in God. Some days I even worked 12 hours. The reason to be busy is to avoid living the painful past. I also found ways to make me happy . Initially I was feeling numb but slowly I realized that I derived happiness from things I valued the most . I also sought therapy and worked on some of the things and found root cause for my thought process. Good thing about therapy is it helps you to find the root cause and that helps you to regulate your thinking . For example there will be deep down some reason why you hate her the most . I cannot speculate on that. But once you find it with the help of counselor it will help you to work on your thoughts. You can see that thought that is triggering this hate can be solved at least to some degree. The reason I came back to this thread is to share my experience is because you need to work on yourself . Nobody’s death can give you happiness. There will be another incident or another person who can cause disruption to your mental health. Don’t allow your mil to rule your life . If her attachment towards her son causes you resentment think that before your husband came to your life, you were happy . So why you need to attach your happiness with him ? Release your thoughts . You are individual who came to earth alone on purpose . Husband, parents and kids are accessories but you should be happy and content with yourself . The minute you depend on others you are bound to fail . Doesn’t mean you should be saint . Just learn to draw a boundary and do something which will make you happy . Hope you feel better soon . You cannot keep living the same way and expect change to come from outside . Only solution for both love and hate is within ourselves. You need to find techniques to heal yourself . Seek therapy.
     
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  9. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Most of the time she is 'sugar coated' but what she says or does hurt very badly. She has even caused misunderstandings in other relatives family and they have caught her red handed with recorded proof. Overall when people mingle with her they will think she is a very nice person but she works smartly.
     
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  10. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, very likely she will come stay with us. The other son is in another country. His wife, my co sister was very close with her. They both used to team up and bully me when I was newly married. Now that co sister is not talking to MIL due to MIL's fault, co sister is being nice to me but I still keep a distance as I don't trust these people.

    BIL and his wife will definitely not have MIL stay at their place. They have got a very good excuse. They are in a different country thus not convenient for MIL's siblings to visit her.
     
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