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Help required for my friend on her husband's behavior

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Chilbuli Imli, Jan 23, 2007.

  1. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    Dear ladies,

    I need your help for my friend who is stuck in strange situation. I wont you ladies to advise me so that i can speak to her and give her the advise. Let me put it in form of a story the whole incident.

    My friend her name is Maya very innocent by nature and brought up by her parents with lots of pampering. She is very delicate. Her parents are middle class family and she has gone through financial problems. She has never been spoiled child but still she was papmpered by all the means. She has 2 elder sisters (Indu and Vina) both married and she was the last one. Her elder sister name is Indu who got married to a guy called Sunil. Sunil is a good guy again middle class family and they have 2 daughters. Sunil is a guy who believes that saali (wife's sister) are aadhi gharvaali and always used to joke around with Vina and Maya. Vina second sister was tough working woman and she knew how to deal with such jokes. She bluntly refused twice and gave back good answer to Sunil's jokes. Hence forth Sunil stopped fooling around with Vina. But Maya is quite girl who doesnt know how to deal with situation like this. Sunil kept on fooling around with Maya. Maya was scared to tell about this to her elder sister Indu as she was blackmailed by Sunil. She got more and more scared and Sunil kept on taking advantage of her. One day when whole family was away and only Maya was at home Sunil went there and tried to blackmail her and forcefully raped her. At that time she was just 18. She hated Sunil from bottom of his heart and stopped talking to him. Infact she stopped going to her sister house and even if they come home she used to leave and go out.

    Poor Maya could not tell about this to anyone not even to her parents as Sunil was a good son in law and was always helping her parents financially. Second If indu comes to know about her husband then she would leave him and Maya doesnt wont her sister marriage to break as she has 2 small daughters.

    She was suffering inside and started falling sick. Then she got engaged to a guy called Prakash and then life was little good for her. Her fiance was good man until one day she asked Maya why she was not talking to Sunil. Been innocent she told the whole incident to him. After listening the whole thing Prakash agreed to marry her and said he still loves her and will forget whatever happened. They got married but life became more miserable for Maya. Prakash was not able to forget that incident and he started torturing his wife. He started using Maya only for his pleasure and he doesnt even care for her. They also have a daughter age 3 years and he doesnt even care for his daughter. Even Maya's inlaws are bad and they keep on shouting at her. Prakash doesnt even allow her nor her child to go to her mother house.

    She is suffering also along with Maya, her mother is also suffering as she wonts to see her daughter and grand child. When ever there is family event she cant call her all the daughters together so she has to call indu and husband one day and next day prakash and Maya.

    There is lots of tension and Maya is simply falling sick day by day.

    Ladies the worst part is Sunil is not even feeling guilty that he has ruined life of someone. He infact still when sometime sees Maya comments and tries to fool with her.

    Now what should my friend do? if she tells her sister sister house will break kids are there and she doesnt wont to do that. Sunil is helping her parents so much that she cant even ask her parents to boycott with Sunil and if that happen again her sister Indu will suffer as then Sunil will not send Indu and children to house.

    Ladies please suggest what should she do? She feels like dieing and end her life but she has also a 2 year old daughter which forces her to live life and that too with cruel husband who is torturing her so much. I feel like killing man like Sunil who thinks women are only for pleasure and also i feel like killing Prakash who knowingly accepted Maya and now he is killing her everyday.

    I will eagerly wait for your advises.

    CBI
     
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  2. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    Please reply

    Hi Ladies!

    It seems that Indus ladies are too busy i didnt get single reply. Please advise me something this is true story and my friend Maya needs help. She is asking me and i dont know what should i tell her.

    Ladies in past i have seen you all giving brillant suggestion. I am sure you all must have felt something after reading please give your comments.

    I will eagerly wait once again.

    CBI
     
  3. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear CBI

    I think your friend has got herself into a fine mess! She should have initially(before her BIL raped her) made it known to everyone that he is a womaniser.Agreed that she is a quiet and innocent person.But that same attitude has helped her get into this delicate state that she is in now.

    Now everyone thinks that since she is not talking to her BIL,all fault lies with her.Even now,I think the only solution for her is to tell her parents and sister about her spineless BIL. Atleast,that act will lighten her heart if not anything else.

    For all you know,her sister might actually turn out to be a stronger person than her and might disown her husband and lead a life all by herself.Once her parents come to know of this,I am sure they will be ashamed to have accepted financial help from such a beast. Even now her BIL is taking advantage only because he is very sure that she will not tell her parents and sister.Once everybody comes to know,that will put an indefinite stop to this behaviour of his and he will not be able to show his face to the outside world.That is exactly what he deserves!
     
  4. Manjureddy

    Manjureddy Gold IL'ite

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    Dear CB Imli
    This readslike a story in" Woman'S Era" Magazine. Too bad it is happening to a real life person.
    In these modern times, it does not pay to keep thinking of "what will people say" and all that. Its each person to her own.
    I think it is a mistake that your friend told her husband about the incident in the first place. It was not her fault. So she need not have felt guilty about it. Had she forgotten about it, it would have been better. Time heals.

    Ok, no use talking about past. So she told her husband and he turned out to be a complete rascal. And shows no sign of improving his human self. I think your friend should walk out and make a new life for herself. And she should also tell her sister, because you say that scoundrel BIL is still upto his old tricks. Dont worry about breaking house and all that melodrama. If the house is not built on trust, dignity and respect, it deserves to be broken.
    There is life beyond a patidev , plenty of it and more wonderful, if only such abused women come out and look.

    Manjula
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. sihi

    sihi Senior IL'ite

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    Maya has to step up

    Your friend Maya is suffering for no fault of hers...and also dragging her near and dear ones, which is the saddest part here. She cannot lead her life in this mess for long..and also she has a daughter's future to think about. I think in the first place Maya's BIL has to learn a lesson or else his behaviour will continue and what is the guarantee that it will not effect his own 2 daughters and Maya's daughter? He might repeat such things with them. Its like feeding a big dragon and keeping him as a pet in the house.
    Your friend has to talk and confide in someone who can help her out of this situation and fight along with her. In her situation that person is none other than her eldest sister. They both have to talk and then think of a way to tackle this BIL and then Maya's husband. And if the men don't budge, there is no point in tagging along with them...Maya and her sis can step out and lead a much better life and also give their daughters a better life. You have also mentioned that Prakash does not care for her own daughter...then what is the point in Maya suffering all her life and put her daughter's life in trouble too.
    Or one other option is for Maya to talk to her second sister and ask her help in tackling this situation. Seems like she is the only strong person there who can boldly speak. Maybe as a first step, Vina can talk to her BIL and see what he has to say. That way it will be like giving him a warning that if he does not stop all this, the whole episode will come out. For all you know he might get scared and might change.

    My best wishes to Maya!
    Sihi
     
  6. sanravi_1970

    sanravi_1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Help required

    Hi Cb Imli'

    Its better for maya to come out of her husand and inlaws house and lead a life separately. Also she should somehow punish h er sister's husband by telling the truth to her family esp her mom and sister. Whether they believe her or not, she will have a satisfaction and relief that she has told abt that incident that she kept suppressed for a long time from her family and make them to know that sunil is not good to believe in everything.
     
  7. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Help required

    HELLO,
    this is very sad news. first ur friend have to tell this to her sisters,to her parents,then she have to tell that her hubby also know abt her bil. she have to come out from her husband,defl'y she & her sister can lead a happy life without her husband,there is no guilty feelings for ur friend,that she will spoil her sister's life,she will spoil her sister's life if she doesn't tell the truth abt her bil,also they all have to gotogether & threaten her bil. there is no point to talk with ur friend's hubby as he knows everything,also he won't change.
    all the best for ur friend.
     
  8. dsrini

    dsrini Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Help required

    Dear CBI
    As everyone said your friend should have told her parents. Same thing Happened in my life but it didn't go to rape.
    Mine is....
    I have 2 elder sister similar to ur friend. My big sister was in Madras and second one in Canada. My mom had to go to my second sister’s delivery to Canada.
    We lived in Trichy during holidays myself n my dad will go to my big sisters house to play with sisters son. On day we were packing things to go back to Trichy that time my sisters son was having severe stomach upset he became so sick (as we all will love our sisters child a lot) I love him a lot so stayed in Madras to take care of him.
    My BIL @ night touched me in a wrong place even though my sister was sleeping in their bed room and also his father was in the other bedroom When he did that (worst time of my life which I will never ever forget) I suddenly woke and then he said sorry n asked me to go to sleep then I said only one thing to him " Since I don't have a brother I thought you as my brother” Then he begged me not to tell my sister and he went to their bedroom.
    After that I couldn’t even sleep so switched on the lights, I was reading some book (truly I was crying coz I don't know what to do). Like ur friends BIL my BIL also had good name in my house. So I was afraid to my parents and more over my mom was not in the country. Next day my dads close friend came and I went with him to Trichy.
    Whenever my mom calls she will tell me to go to my sisters’ place I strictly will say no. She will ask me again and again the reason for my refusal. After that I never spoke to him.
    After that we moved to madras and one day my mom asked me to come with her to my sisters place for a stay and I said no. She asked again n again and atlast she started crying and begged me for the reason. I started telling the whole thing. She was stunned but I asked her to promise me not to say a thing to my sister coz their life isn't good they had lots and lots of fight. But one day when my mom went there he has told some bad words to my sisters and my sister was crying to my mom then my mom out of frustration said everything.
    It became a big problem. At last she is still with him and now they are in Canada. This incident made me mentally sick but now I got married to a great man he is my best friend and we are expecting our first child this may. But my husband doesn't know anything he knows I hate my BIL coz I will tell my husband he is not at all friendly or supportive with/to my sis. Even if my husband knows this he will definitely hate my BIL not me and even never talk to him. But I don't want to break my family so I will talk my BIL because he is married to my sister and so does everybody in my family. (Especially my second and myself)
    So as every one said your friend should have told her parents at least ask her to tell now coz that idiot shouldn't live happily when ur innocent friend is suffering like this.
    <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]-->
    <!--[endif]-->
    [FONT=&quot]Hope everything gets resolved soon. I will pray god for ur friend. Ask her to be strong.

    A man when he marries a girl who has a younger sister he shouldn't automatically think of her in a wrong way. I hope some day they will start treating like their own sister.
    But not all men are bad.

    Cheers
    - Dhivya
    [/FONT]
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2007
  9. sonia

    sonia Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: Help required

    Hi CBI,

    My opinion is..............

    Maya shd tell first all matter to Vina. They both shd talk to Sunil that why he is doing such things wd Maya.They shd threaten him so that he will not do such things agn.Even after this he is not stopping then they shd tell to Indhu n parents.They both shd talk to maya's hubby also.

    This is a very serious matter.And may b Indhu and everybody will not believe Maya.They can say why she did't tell earlier.Its so long why she is telling now.And ofcourse when she will reveal all this Suneel will also try to prove that she is telling lie.He is not such type.

    So first she shd convince Vina and talk to her.
     
  10. Chilbuli Imli

    Chilbuli Imli Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Help required

    Thank you all for your reply. I have spoken to Maya and asked her to speak to her other sister Veena. She is strong and probably she would be able to resolve the problem. I agree with all of you that she should leave her inlaws and husband and lead a separate life.

    Lets see what happens to her. i just wish things become smooth and she gets a happy life.

    Thanks once again to all of you.

    CBI
     

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