Hi All, This is my first post on IL forum and hope I get your valuable suggestion from exp ladies out there. I have been married for 4 yrs and have a 2 yr old. Mine is an arranged marriage. Prior to marriage when I was working in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> one of my office colleague was madly in love with me. Initially when he proposed me I did not like him …but later I started liking him ( he was 2 yrs younger to me) I was pretty confused and scared about my love as my family was totally against this love marriage concept and top of that my sister had love marriage and my parents were broke during that time and I knew they will be more hurt if I let my parents know about my affair. Also my dad has some heart problem so did not revel about my love. Then I blindly agreed for the guy whom my parents choose . After my marriage was fixed I tried to be far from my guy and told him the reason of me getting married. He was very unhappy with my decision and created some trouble on my marriage day giving curses that I will never be happy and nobody can love me like him…and I will be unfortunate to dump a person like him for which I was really hurt and feeble. I moved to US to join my hubby in a month . And after my marriage I was never in contact with him or his friends . And also he was not in contact with me anymore. The last I saw him was at my wedding. But all these four years I keep thinking about him a lot. There have not been one single day that I have not thought about him. Also my marriage life is not great as I have some problem with in-laws and my DH is totally a mama’s boy….so with all these issues I feel all his curses are hitting me very badly and made a mistake of betraying him. Recently I saw him on the face book that he is happily married to some nice girl…..and was happy for him that he has moved on in his life…but I felt too for cheating on him. I want to apologise to him….but I feel that will again creep into more troubles ..where I don’t want to disturb his married life. He is always in my thoughts…which I know it’s very wrong to think about him when I have husband and a lovely kid … I love my DH and my LO very much …but why is this guy always coming into my thoughts…sometimes I hate about myself to think about him…and pray to god not to think about him...and deviate my mind on something else… Whenever I listen to nice old songs either in my car or on ipod.. all my old days comes back to me ….I feel so sad when I get his thoughts… Also I just can't stop thinking about him as what he is doing now etc...And sometimes I get the feeling that I may meet him one fine day. Please ladies tell me how to forget my first love and lead a normal life….I somehow could not get out of this thought for all these years. I know thinking about him is cheap... I just want to stop this crap and concentrate on my work at home and office and my on my DS. Anybody in same boat like me where you still could not forget your first love? Thanks DrPepper.