Hello

Haven’t you asked these same questions a dozen times already?

 

When will you divorce?.
It's been years of abuse.
Did you contact any lawyer

 

. sorry for the smiley.

now it just looks like boy who cried wolf.

either you are a man with female id or you are the abuser who is acting like a victim and try to gain a narcisstic attention.

extremely sorry for such rude comment, but i guess you are just appear like even 1 time in a month with a new thread but same content.

 

You have received suggestions from everyone here. Please take your time to read through. Also there are threads about successful life post divorce. Read through them as well. Giving you the benefit of doubt that you are really going through what you are posting here and the frequency of posting the same questions I suggest you first take therapy since you seem so confused. If you are physically hit please call 911 immediately. And please consider therapy. It will help out if you are in depression

 

Hi EagerforInfo

Let me share my story if it helps you take a decision regarding your marriage.

I'm in my early 40s and married quite late by Indian standards. I'm recently going through divorce after facing years of emotional abuse, my ex's emotional affair with one of his family friends and financial abuse. He has incurred around 200k debt in couple of years without contributing anything to the family finances. He & his family also constantly used to abuse and insult/body shame me & my family. Treated me with disrespect and put down me in front of his friends and family.

Trust me it was a nightmare and in spite of so many red flags in the relationship I clung to it in hopes of him changing for good and us having a happy life. But the more I tried to put in my best efforts taking all the hurt and pain the worse it became. I became emotionally so tired and disconnected to everything and everyone around me. It effected my health & I fell sick quite often [once in 2 months], reduced talking to my family/friends and colleagues. From an extroverted person, I became this closed person I couldn't even recognize - who would cry at the drop of hat, lost temper when my well wishers suggested things that could enhance my life; At times I would lie to my well wishers saying that everything was good in my martial life and that they were unnecessarily worrying over nothing. Would you believe me if I say even when my ex told me that this 'other woman' was part of the marriage & he cannot treat me as family, I still wanted to make it work!! the foolish me..

I too was worried if I would regret my decision once I divorced him that I didn't put in enough efforts or not having patience to make the marriage work. Somehow also wanted to stay in the marriage for the fear of going back to being single like all those years and/or hearing comments from society. One day I had to chose between myself/my values that I believed in and this relationship and then I realized that I don't like this version I became anymore. And I filed the papers.. Trust me, it wasn't/isn't easy. It hurts, the grief comes in waves - there are moments when you are relieved that there are no tantrums or mood swings that change home atmosphere , moments when you want to reconcile and go back to that space even if it was hell, moments when you cry endlessly and moments when you think back to the illusion of 'happy' times wondering if there was something you could have done to make this work etc.. Every time I hit a low, I keep reminding myself that I would never have been happy in a marriage where I'm not treated with respect. This phase, however painful consists of self-discovery often questioning the purpose of life but I strongly believe that ultimately I would put this experience behind me and become a happier v. I recently read a post on insta - "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." and it hit me hard. Don't keep giving benefit of doubt when your feelings aren't considered..

Now as some one who is going through this process, I'd suggest you to:
a) Please list out deal-breakers in your marriage & what you want in life. Please try to be honest with yourself when you list these out, don't base them on the assumption on what version he/marriage might become in the future.. From your post, looks like you have kids - So please think about how unhealthy it would be for them to witness this domestic violence and abuse..
b) Please take time to interview attorneys who understand your plight and have your best interests/wishes aligned with how they form the case.
c) Be sure to separate your finances, start saving as much as you can; If there is Domestic violence, please call 911 (if you are in US).
d) Document everything - your finances, timelines of your abuse; save it with a trusted friend or family member.
e) Please keep your family, well wishers in the loop. I hid everything from my parents fearing that they are old but they are more resilient and strong than we give credit for. Also, you need your loved ones around you during this process.
f) Don't forget to take care of yourself - eat well, try to meditate and seek therapy.

I wish you good luck in figuring out this chapter of your life. Don't forget that nothing is more important than your happiness and emotional peace.

 

Op

Start taking good care of yourself first. From your previous posts it looks like you are extremely anxious, tired or depressed. Do you want to live rest of your life like this? You have US citizenship and good job, good education. You just have to take action. You will get alimony and child support from your husband because he abused you. Collect all evidence of domestic violence. Google for good lawyer in your area. Lawyer will guide you.

Why will you regret for divorcing abuser? If you do not want joint custody you can only give visitation rights under someone's supervision. Its your life and your decision. I have seen many successful stories of divorced women. They are happier and at peace than before.

 

Divorce from an abuser is something to be celebrated not regreted

 

Are these questions you are asking whatever the answers may be - are they worth getting beaten by your husband , just for the sake of staying in a marriage ..

Despite repeated explanations given by people since last few years, you seem to have not consulted a lawyer as the answers are very simple ..


you will most probably get good alimony , good child support and probably primary custody of children and the house as well, being a mother , so , it seems there would be no money or house or primary custody problem for you ————but you still seem to prefer staying in a bad marriage, even after getting beaten by your husband…

are you real

 

She doesn't want to leave her husband and keep finding excuses to do so.