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Hello ladies...need advice!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Weasly, Feb 28, 2015.

  1. Vanilasky

    Vanilasky Silver IL'ite

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    99% inlaws are like this only. Even if they don't like their DIL they want her to spend the whole vacation with them. Out of 15 days of your vacation even if u spend 14 days with them and thought of spending a day with your parents then they will show their true colours again. So best way is to ignore their taunts as much as possible and stick to your original plan.

    If the situations are getting worse you can cut short your days at inlaws place ( 6 days to 2-3 days) and spend more time with your parents. Even if you stay with your inlaws try to spend maximum time outside the house by going for shopping, religious places or one day trips. Just roam around the place full time so that you can avoid their unwanted talks to an extent. As your DH knews the real face of his parents you can very well carry on with your vacation plans as decided.

    Ask your DH to clearly state them that you people will plan your vacation according to your convenience only and there is no point in asking their opinion for booking tickets etc.
     
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  2. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry @GoogleGlass i totally forgot there are awesome bros out here too! Thank you so much for your advice !! That is what me and dh have been wondering for the past two years as to why they think that everything needs to taken permission for ! my mil in the starting days even wanted to govern what i buy for grocery and when the utensils are being washed! i would go in the corner and bang my head as to why did i never saw this side of her before marriage ! I would have been better prepared but even after 2 years of being married she still is like that!
     
  3. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you @yellowmango for coming to my rescue again ! You know I have blocked them from fb but dh told me that they are trying to find information about me online ,its almost like they are stalking me ! I never though I would have to worry about privacy concerns like this !

    And yes now atleast i am glad they cant hurt my parents !
     
  4. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Yes you are right @Vanilasky, nothing is enough for the inlaws! All they had to do was to be peaceful for 15 days , not for me but for their son's sake, they cant do that also!
     
  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all, your husband is really sweet. Be calm for his sake; give him loads of cuddles and assure him that you'll work things out together.

    Right now, don't react. Do not act like you even heard about it. Or that it bothers you. Focus solely on the positive plans you have. Do not dignify their pettiness with a response: a disinterested, "don't start again" should do.

    if booking yourselves into a hotel is an option, you could have that as a backup plan. And your DH could always come to your place where he would be treated fairly.

    Block them on FB. Pretend that you don't know they are stalking you.

    Practice an expression of disgust to adopt when they act up during the trip. Roll your eyes, look disgusted and walk away the second a drama starts. Plan outings with your husband so you don't have to stay home all day long. And have extra safe locks on your belongings when you stay there. If you see the poking into your stuff, calmly sat, "I don't like people touching my stuff."

    And refuse to take over the kitchen and become a general slave the days you are there. If they insist, ask DH to give you a hand. Show loads of attitude. Being calm and dignified is how you can shame them - not by stooping down to their level and having it out. They aren't ever about to agree that you and your parents are not their slaves; you might as well save your breath.

    Chill and enjoy your trip, my dear.
     
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  6. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Why cant you request them to fix that tour element ,so that they were satisfied with that part.And you could do some house visiting & shopping rest of the trip.Make sure to not show/reveal anything you bought for your side of family to avoid further complication.If your parents come to receive you ,you could send a suitcase with them.Makes sense as you spend half the holidays there ,add your clothes for the stay too.
     
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  7. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Than you @gueshoo for the great advice! I told dh earlier abou wanting to get some locks for the suitcases sometime back he said you wont need it and now when i said that he immediately agreed. Dh is stll undecided if we shud go now together or just i shud go visit my parents. but he was looking at backup hotel options nearby (thank god he finally knows how his parents think). If i do go i will not respond to anything they say. there is no point. the last time i tried explaining something to my fil, 6 months later i realised he had understood nothing and had actually taken a wrong meaning of what i said. no i am not explaining anythin now ! thanx again guesshoo !
     
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  8. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    Thanx a lot @pear for your advice. I would make sure that i do not share my shopping for my side of the family. I was earlier thinking if mil insists and behaves properly with me maybe i will be open and might think of mending the relation but after the things she has said I dont think i can ever be in good terms with her.
     
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  9. sweety127

    sweety127 Gold IL'ite

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    Weasly give one biggggg hug to that man who is with you right now!

    You know what I face this problem every month . I am in a long distance relationship with H & visit my place often. Parents and H are put up in same city. My MIL was not happy me going to my parent's place earlier. I didn't mind and had all conversations through H who had been supportive all along. Followed No compromise theory when it comes to parents. But few months back when situations were improving he pleaded me to stay with his mom for few more days and come next time exclusively for my parents alone thinking that I wont do that leaving him alone when in the same city.

    You know what I did I just booked my tickets, informed him 3 days before journey & told I am going to my parents place & you are welcome to meet me. All he told was dont tell MIL. I was fine with that..He did come to meet me at my parents home.

    MIL during initial months used to create hell lots of scene when both of us plan our travel to meet each other that we dont consult her etc etc..But who cares.Just keep doing what is right. But at the same time stay smart. Though ur H is supportive there are chances of ILaws emotionally black mailing him so see to that you don't ignore them completely instead play safe. They will eventually come over to your terms.

    Wish you Loads of happiness & fun with your parents & lil sissy:)
     
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  10. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Weasly,

    I think you and DH should both go together, and show ILs you are a team. Convince your DH to go with you, and meet his parents, for a short while.

    Instead of spending 6 days with them, reduce the time to 3 - 4 days. Plan some outings. Have an agreement with DH that you don't want to be involved in any drama, and both of you go out for a while, should any thing happen, just till every one cools down. Both you and DH should spend time together with PILs, and leave together at the end of your visit. Visit some tourist spot in a nearby city for the remaining days, and book a hotel.

    It is better than you going alone to your parents, and being guilt - tripped by ILs for spending more time with them. Don't explain why you are cutting the visit short. Let them figure it out. Any questions can be dealt with - We really wanted to see xyz place.
     
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