Health and Marriage

Hi Tridev,

How have you been?

I would like to answer few of your questions.
Yes, marriage has taken a severe toll on my health. Because of the severe physical abuse, I ended up with neck and shoulder pains. And emotionally, I was completely drained out. I would get irritated and angry but stay calm and not talk to anyone. I started being aloof and was not interested in doing anything or going anywhere. At one point I couldn't stand the voice of a man, no matter who it was. Even my Dad's voice made me angry. I was never at peace and my mind was constantly thinking analyzing, at first to figure out what was going wrong and then trying to find peace with my own self. I would not mind physical tiredness but mental tiredness is something I cannot take.

You have asked if re-marriage has helped. I have known stories about couple where re-marriage helped and also where re-marriage was a disaster. I am not married yet, so I can not answer that question personally. If you remember my story, mine was the classic example of a dowry and cheating case. I grew up in the shadow of my parents. I followed the elders and believed he is good person from a good family to an extent that I didn't even see him before marriage. Just saw his picture. It was a classic traditional marriage in 21st century.
But it turned out to be a disaster for me, a pure business deal for the other party. Do I even consider that a marriage? No, never. If it was a marriage then I was marrying myself. I never experienced the presence of a husband, what a husband is like or what his love and affection is like. So in future if I get married to a man, I would definitely give my 100% to him. I would never ever go into past or let the past effect my current relationship. If you have a good dream, you would like to remember it again and again, but if you have a worst dream if you ever want to recall it or think about it.

 

Tridev,

I am sorry to hear that you resigned you job. But again, you should do what's best for you at this time.

Your post reminds me of the famous quote "Health is wealth". When I am in lowest point of my life and event to this day, this is what my Dad says "Do not neglect your health. Take care of it as your priority. If you are in good health, rest of the problems will be solved in course of time". My dad constantly mentions this to me no matter I listen to him or not. Yes, I was in lot of stress both physically and emotionally. But I started taking care of my health. If I am in pain, stress, I would leave everything I do and try to get better first. I will watch movies, listen to music, play with my friends kids etc. Then I will go back and pick one task at a time. These days I am not pushing my self too much and I am relaxing as much as possible. At times before, I always felt stressed to take care of things on my own. But now a days, I am in "So what ???" kind of attitude.

One of my cousin's son is a premature baby and has serious health issues. He had almost 5 surgeries done on his heart by the time he turned one year old and still in the hospital. If he has to crawl, he has to crawl with an oxygen cylinder by his side. Most of the times he is on bed. Now he is nearly two years. He can not eat his favorite food. God know how much medicine he has to take everyday. It's really heartbreaking to see that child suffer so much and not to mention his parents and extended family. What on earth did the little child do to suffer so much?

So please take care of your health as priority. Everything else will fall in place eventually. There's no point if you stress your self out. You may not even think and make decisions properly. You and me are not the only ones with problems in this world. There are poeple who work hard just meet their needs everyday. Not that you do not know about it. But I am just reminding you. Think about such people, who are little less fortunate than you and just feel blessed for the moment. I do not agree with your doctor. Please take care of your health first and then concentrate on rest of your problems. Everything else can wait. Again, Health is Wealth.

 

Tridev,

Tough times are not for ever. I believe God tests his most favorite kids a lot. So tougher the time, develop more faith in GOD. I keep reading and reminding "Footprints" and "Wise advices" by Mother Theresa to gain courage and strength. Concentrate on your health first and then try spending more time with your mom and daughter. You need to give yourself ample time to recover and work on other issues.

Thank you for adding me as your friend.

 

Tridev, you;ll get a job again. First set right your family life and then look at your work again. I know what it is. I am still unable to stablize myself. God knows when I am going to see light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Way to go, Tridev. Glad to hear you left your job. You don't need any additional stress from a stupid manager. Sometimes I wish I could just leave my job as well and run away. But due to my visa status I can't. I have a very bad supervisor at work. me and my collegue report to him. Yes, just the two of us :crazy. He is some kind of a wierd personality. He thinks he rules the world and has a very bad opinion on working women. He pushes us around as if we are some trainees. we just ignore him and carry on with our work. Everyone knows he has less tech knowledge compared to us but due to his yrs of exp at the client he ended up as a TL.But I have a very good manager. He keeps me going sometimes.

BTW, How's life?

 

I might sound rude and off the track here but if we say pregnancy hormones and PPD are all crap and just reasons, I guess stress causing problems in marriage is also just mere a reason....

Either both of the above reasons are right or either both are wrong, as when the happy hormones are not released (eg: seratonin etc) thats what causes the person to feel low and it builds up and adds to the physical stress and all this adds up (atleast to myknowledge) thats why people keep saying do some exercise to get your mind off the problems and pump up the happy hormones etc.

Also I totally agree wtih Archana..First, second or nth marriage,...it doesnt matter, finally the people involved in the marriage have to learn the lessons from their past relationships and improve in their next relationship, if not..the same story would be repeated over n over again!

Tridev
I thought you had quit job because you had to go to India to fix up all this mess isnt it?? Might be this stress made you quit a bit early than what you were planning! did I get right?

As far as stress is concerned I remember PMAhensa(Pooja) posting this in another thread of yours..A woman cooks, cleans, takes care of the house, goes out for work, handles get togethers, her own career related studies or climbing the corporate ladder, inlaws, extended family, all these and I have never seen women complaining about stress! all they ask is for just a bit of peace of mind with no one blaming or pushin them around. They still carry on their daily chores inspite of horrible life at the personal front!so what is this special stress that men cant handle?? and only women can handle?

Please do not take this personally. But I think you should stop feeling sorry for yourself as you know your decision and you have to start moving on with life. All these are part and parcel of life, some go through an additional share and some a less share..but almost most of them have gone through similar problems like yours and some are still figuring out what to do and some have no solution as they cant even start over or lack that confidence. So look at the bright side that you were able to finally come up with a solution.pick up the pieces and start moving on...dont keep revisiting the past to an extent where everyday you live the same past life and make you present and future worst. Life always seems hopeful to those who move on!!