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Health and Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tridev, Jun 5, 2010.

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  1. Jun 7, 2010 #11
    Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    I see several shortcomings with this alleged study.

    Let me cite an example. Traditional marriage with male breadwinner/female homemaker where divorce rates are allegedly low. Yes, the woman probably has no survival skills to be on her own so no matter how bad the marriage is, she is stuck in it. Yeah the marriage is crappy but it lasts a very long time for sure because the wife has very little ways out of the quagmire.

    Traditional marriages with the male breadwinner/female homemaker archetypes are so passe and in the modern society the woman needs to have equal amount of independence and options. Otherwise you will be forced to start a new 'My husband is....Please help' thread every 3 days on Indusladies relationship forums.
     
    Malavika81, Jun 7, 2010
    Malavika81, Jun 7, 2010
    #11
  2. Jun 7, 2010 #12
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    I am with you on that. My work has suffered so much the reason when our family life is failing, we see everything around as meaningless, What to work for? what is there in life? we ideally are brought up to think that everything is our family. We toil hard, to reach a height, to earn money, for whom, for our self , when we say ourself it involves our life, our family, wife, or husband, kids. If that is falling apart or not going as desired, one is left with no motivation to toil more, one feels senseless and purposeless or directionless in life....

    I have lost so much self esteem in these few years that I cannot even justify anything anymore ....at work ,though at times I see others taking undue advantage...

     
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
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  3. Jun 7, 2010 #13
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    To some extent you are right. Many women have suffered in those traditional marriage. My mother being one. Had my mother been higly educated, or qualified, she could have moved out . But again in India even the educated women dont like to walk out of marriage as easily as women in west. Single life is not as easily taken in East. So many women stay put and also many men stay put with their abusive wives for the sake of kids or society..Its not uncommon for men to stay put for those reasons too.

    Equal amount of independence is good, but in a relationship one has always to be give lead to other. one cannot behave as if independent, self sufficient and then also hold chances of surviving in marriage. .Again it depends on personality. But to large extent the problems in todays world are because of this equality factor too.

    I feel the article lays down all the facets of all types of relationship and it clearly says traditional marriages survive and it necessarily does not mean that women have always suffered in traditional marriage. My friend's wife is a home maker,not even a graduate, throughout her life. But my friends life is living hell. Whether a wife has worked or not, whether she is educated/qualified or not, she can create problems in traditional marriages too.


     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
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  4. Jun 7, 2010 #14
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    I can related and understand each word below. At times I feel you are writing my experience...I feel sensitive people like us suffer more , because we try to reason out, why it is happening, moreover if one is more peace loving and want to live in a harmonious enviornment but due to whatever reason that is not happening, it just blows the mind....

     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
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  5. Jun 7, 2010 #15
    Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Tridev, Equality and independence are like having freedoms and it depends on both the people in the relationship. They need to have the mental maturity to be in a relationship, be it marriage or otherwise.

    Can you substantiate the bolded part of your statement? How did you arrive at the conclusion? I am intrigued to know.

    No it does not. It seems like a bunch of anecdotal evidences here and there.

    And no one has to suffer in a relationship, be it the man or the woman, be it traditional or non traditional. That is what equality is. If you feel you are suffering in a relationship, you need to find ways to get out of it and move on. I know this is not a very popular concept in these neck of the woods but that is my philosophy in life. I am not willing to waste the prime of my life away in a miserable relationship and clinging on to straws when there are so many choices available for me to live better. Most people who suffer in relationships and are miserable is mostly their making because they do not have the courage and nor can they discern when to get out of a bad relationship and keep hoping for miracles.
     
    Malavika81, Jun 7, 2010
    Malavika81, Jun 7, 2010
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  6. Jun 7, 2010 #16
    bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Good article,Tridev!Thanks for sharing.

    I agree with you , Tridev!Yes, too much of you-me & 50-50 is not going to work out in a relationship.Relationship is all about compromise and understanding.Yes,one givingin all the time and the other receiving all the trashes is a pain.This is extreme and it boils down to a person's character and brought-up.But otherwise under normal circumstances , only compromises and understanding will work.

    I can say that I have transformed to a better person today( no more aggressive:biglaugh) due to my hubby.Whenever I fight , he used to give up and then let me understand what I did wrong after sometime.(Touchwood)Imagine if he is also fighting type:drowning:spin.

    BTW,ours is a traditional marriage.
     
    bhuvnidhi, Jun 7, 2010
    bhuvnidhi, Jun 7, 2010
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  7. Jun 7, 2010 #17
    mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with you Tridev. This 'equality factor' creates a lot of problem in marriage life. Silent ones are always silent irrespective of their education/work. Only aggressive ones take advantage of this "Equality" factor and make life hell :rant
     
    mithy232, Jun 7, 2010
    mithy232, Jun 7, 2010
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  8. Jun 7, 2010 #18
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    yes only compromise and understanding, 50-50 partnership will work but seldomly

     
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
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  9. Jun 7, 2010 #19
    Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hmm can someone enlighten me as to how equality causes problems in marriage?

    Equality does not mean one person has carte blanche to act like a bitch and make life miserable for the other person. If that is your idea of equality, then you have gotten it all wrong.and perhaps the whole idea of equality is not well comprehended. It is like saying having freedoms is bad because it creates a lot of problems in societies and we are much better off in dictatorships.

    I would not have it any other way than being an equal in a relationship with my own independence.
     
    Malavika81, Jun 7, 2010
    Malavika81, Jun 7, 2010
    #19
  10. Jun 7, 2010 #20
    Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Bhuv, he was lucky to get you as a wife, his approach was suited for your personality type. There are people who would not understand themselves and given opportunity will not correct too. I have many many times before losing my cool plainly requested my wife, not to use harsh words, not to hit my son esp he was so young when she started. To that I used to get angry tones and let downs. I was not escalating at that point but sadly she never showed or communicated that she understands my point of view, she would always justify her actions by comparing others around...

    And just see what you attained by becoming less/non aggressive, a peaceful happy marriage. So you are the best judge yourself..


     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
    Tridev, Jun 7, 2010
    #20
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