Have you heard this Question when you visit a doctor? Are you safe at home?

KuraiOnrumIllai · Oct 17, 2010

I have been reading a lots of posts all day today, mostly reg. family issues.

I have a question for girls in the USA. I feel our girls have enormous patience and tolerance. So many issues, mental torture, depression and some even physical abuse.

My question is:

what is your mental state, how do you control/hide your emotions and keep a happy face, what goes on your mind when the nurse/doctor at the hospital asks you "Are you safe at home?"

I know you say "yes" for valid reasons. I was just wondering how people hide difficult/dangerous emotions, how they react, do they dread the question? will your husband be with you, your mental state, what will you be thinking during and after the visit?

Don't know if doctors in the indian hospitals also ask the question. If they do, girls in india too please do post your reply.

Thanks,
Nagalaxmi

SriVidya75 · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

KuraiOnrumIllai said: ↑

"Are you safe at home?"
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I didnt understand what was the question about in first place!

ARe you talking about doctors suspecting something and asking this question to a wife? or are you asking about in general are girls safe in USA (country)??

Why would someone ask that question to a girl, unless there is something to suspect like bruises or some signs of abuse?

Why this beat around the bush post? why not explain whats and whys of this question?

Tanujam30 · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

This is a very good topic I feel. I would be really interested to know how the abused women may be managing this.

When I was admitted to labor room the nurse sent DH out for a cup of ice while she asked me about any domestic abuse/abortion DH might have put me thru. I am glad my answer was a truthful NO. The nurse apologised that they were required to ask (dont know if it was by law or hospital requirement) such questions & no offense was intended.

I wondered at that time abt my sister who has suffered years of mental/physical abuse at the hands of her husband & how she would have felt/responded at this time.

SriVidya75 · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

Tanujam30 said: ↑

nurse sent DH out for a cup of ice while she asked me about any domestic abuse/abortion DH might have put me thru. I am glad my answer was a truthful NO. The nurse apologised that they were required to ask (dont know if it was by law or hospital requirement) such questions & no offense was intended. .
Click to expand...

I dont know and I havent heard or experienced this kind of questioning from any doc or a nurse anywhere...even recently my SIL delivered a baby , she had to face so much drama from her own parents, inspite of all that...no one asked her aobut this question...no idea why only certain women are facing this question.

Actually I would take it as intrusion into privacy if someone asks this qeustion without a valid reason. I dont know which rule is the nurse referring to, but if the girl looks fine, with no signs of exhaustion or abuse or marks on body, why would someone probe into her personal life?

One way its good but usually what I have observed is the ones who are going through abuse wont be asked this question as might be the girls or their husbands know enough not to face docs during situations.

Just like the way usually the innocent ones are being monitored too much in the airport security but the real terrorists get away through security, might be its the same scenario here where happy women are being asked this question and the women who are being abused day in day out are not asked...might be because most of the times they never visit docs or might be the husbands are too cautious or might be the wife herself doesnt want to disclose family details so that her husband doesnt have to face any charges or issues in US.

KuraiOnrumIllai · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

SriVidya75 said: ↑

I didnt understand what was the question about in first place!

ARe you talking about doctors suspecting something and asking this question to a wife? or are you asking about in general are girls safe in USA (country)??

Why would someone ask that question to a girl, unless there is something to suspect like bruises or some signs of abuse?

Why this beat around the bush post? why not explain whats and whys of this question?
Click to expand...

Hi SriVidya75,

No I am not asking in general are girls safe in US.

The department of public health, in most states in US, recommends routine screening for domestic violence victimization in all health care settings. Providers are trained in the dynamics of domestic violence in order to screen the victims. Some ask direct question/ some open-ended question.

From your question I assume may be it's not a policy in yr hospital/state that is why my question is confusing to you. It is a routine screening question asked to both females and males during any visit to the hospital be it the routine physical, ER, walk-ins, every visit for anyone over 14 atleast in my state. You can find out the policy in your state by going to the Health and Human Services public .gov site. You will find public health advisory on domestic violence issued by department of public health.

I know they ask this to males because they have asked my husband and my friend's husband and several other males. We have always joked about it several times (for asking the males). Now after going thru so many posts from girls in US, I was just wondering how do the victims of domestic abuse/violence face/manage this question...exactly as Tanujam3 intepreted. No other reason just curious.

Nagalaxmi

fudge · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

Oh yeaa we always get questioned about abuse and stuff in hospitals. Every time I go to hospital for any reason I get a questionnaire with these kinda questions..So its not something new and I do think it is a good practice.

cheerful · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

Nagalaxmi,
I have faced that situation couple of times. As you said it's routine and very common in many hospitals, either the nurses ask the patient or ask us to fill out a form or the Doctors themselves asks the patients to diagonise the issue. Couple of years back, I used to fall sick at least every month and my family Dr. did all kinds of tests and blood-work and found out everything normal. Then she asked me 'how is your husband treating you?" ..I didn't have a good answer.I told her how lonely I have been for many months and explained her her how's my life at home. She sent me to a counselor. My husband was not with me at that time at Dr's office. I do not how I would have responded if he was with me. But in the end I was happy I told her. I am glad that they are asking these to all and it helps many people if they they are willing to share and solve their problems.

Like Tanujam said, during pregnancy as well they ask these as a routine in many places.

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<why beat="" around="" the="" bush="" post?="" why="" not="" explain="" whats="" and="" whys="" of="" this="" question?="" =""> <why beat="" around="" the="" bush="" post?="" why="" not="" explain="" whats="" and="" whys="" of="" this="" question.="">
I thought the question was pretty clear.

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RagaPrasanna · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

This is good to know.. I didnt know that hospitals do this !!

reshsabu · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

Hmm.. I have been in US for a while now. I had delivered my baby here too, but I was never asked this question in hospitals or by nurses.

But yeah, it is definitely a good thing !

KuraiOnrumIllai · Oct 17, 2010

Re: Girls in USA - Are you safe at home...

cheerful said: ↑

But in the end I was happy I told her. I am glad that they are asking these to all and it helps many people if they they are willing to share and solve their problems.
Click to expand...

Exactly, this is the purpose of screening. Most women say "yes, i am safe" even though they don't feel that way for the fear of causing more problems. But I strongly feel there will be issues/charges only in the extreme cases of abuse. Victims of extreme cases will want to get out of the abuse anyways, at any cost. Mostly the doctors arrange for counseling. The victims doesn't have to say a lot about the abuse so that it creates more issues - just enough to get counseling.

This thread has been an eye-opener to me. I assumed every hospital in US does this because my siblings, friends, relatives are screened every time. I also came to know that the state "recommends screening" and it's not a "law". I was reading some articles and found that the Domestic Violence Screening, Treatment, and Prevention Act bill was introduced but it never became a law. Too bad.

I am very glad my hospital screens every patient female and male. I feel the providers are well-trained to screen patients on this matter. I think some questions they ask requires some thinking on our part. That is why I was wondering/surprised how these women hide their emotions/feelings so well that the nurses/doctors fail to diagnose the problem.

I found some good articles on this issue...

By the way, the month October happens to be the Domestic Violence Awareness month!! I just found out.

Presidential Proclamation - National Domestic Violence Awareness Month | The White House

USDOJ: Office on Violence Against Women: About Domestic Violence

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/459892