Have I spoken something I shouldn't have??

Dear Vimmy,
I am following this thread from the beginning and somehow i felt you were at mistake suggesting to leave separately within a month. But, your in-laws are too good to understand you. Without the good nature of your in-laws this happy ending would have never happened. As your FIL said, you are a stubborn girl but they are adjusting for you. Good. You are lucky. Though the way you put things have hurt them, they understood your honesty. Some DIL's though they hate their in-laws , live in the same house but with all hatred inside and not living peacefully and make others also lose their peace. Though i was upset over your action in the beginning from your earlier posts but later I understood how much you want them to live in a comfortable way. But the truth is, material comforts won't give happiness as the joy of living together and especially in their age. You are a good girl. I just pray that God change your mind set in this one year to live with such good inlaws together ever under one roof and make them even more happy, who would always want to live together with their son and DIL and are living to see you and their son happy. Hope you don't mistake me.

All the very best!

Regards
Priya

 

Hi Vimmy.

I was following your thread right from the beginning.I had even written a very long post for you yesterday but somehow because of some computer problem it got deleted. But i am really happy to read the posts today. You are a very courageous dil to have taken that step and spoken so beautifully with your fil. And i must say you are very lucky to get such inlaws and they too are very lucky to get you as a dil. You have expressed your view in a such a nice way that i am really amazed. And i really liked your idea of living in a comfortable way. I wish you all the best for your future. And may you all have a happy life like this ever after.:thumbsup

 

Dear Vimmy,
Your post just brought tears to my eyes.Maybe because we stay so far away from our parents and in laws and always wish to be close to them but can't.
You are a very brave girl.Admitting one's own mistake is the biggest sign of strength.I am happy for you and your family.

Yesterday I felt like writing my mind out to you and tell you that you made a mistake but I could feel you were so remorseful and you want them to be happy.So I kept posting mild answers and asking you to let go.

I am glad it worked out.Have a celebration dinner tonight.

Take Care.
FL

 

My eyes welled up when I read these lines. Vimmy, Though I followed this thread religiously, I did not offer you any suggestion becoz I could feel your FIL's hurt but I did not know how to tell you that without hurting you. So refrained myself from posting but I sincerely wished a happy ending to this post. I thank God for not letting this wonderful DIL and FIL/MIL miss out on one another. I also pray that you all find it comfortable to stay together physically AND mentally in the long run .

Material comforts are nothing compared to being one with the family. You are family to them. You are very lucky to get such understanding ILs and they are also lucky to have such a good hearted girl like you as their DIL. And your DH is lucky to have you as his DW. oops..this is one lucky family, Touchwood. :yes:

The way you talked to your FIL and pour your heart out with NO EGO is awesome, Dear. Now celebrate arty and let this joy live forever.. Do not miss them at any cost Vimmy. Yet another innocent mistake like this may not guarantee a similar outcome.. So think in their shoes too before you suggest any.. Just a friendly thought.
We got to treasure elders especially good ILs.

 

Vimmy,

You are a very good natured girl. Also your in-laws also seem to be good people. Congrats on resolving a tricky situation with so much diplomacy.:thumbsup

 

Wow!! Awesome move!! I think its a right decision. You are really blessed to have wonderful in-laws.

All the best!

 

Dear Vimmy
I read your post only today...
Initially my reaction was that you and DH have made a big mistake. you knew when FIL is retiring and that they would come to your city. you should've made it clear to them at that time that you have another flat and they can directly move there or stay with you guys for a while and move when they are comfortable in the new city
---- read your last incident with your FIL--- I'm stopping the tears from rolling becoz your FIL is so similar to mine who passed away last year.... we had the best relationship ever but becoz of my MIL we didn't stay with each other during his last days...
Cherish this relationship with your in-laws... don't expect them to be your parents but the best guardians you can have.
the fault i maintain is yours and your DH as neither of you clarified the situation before they came and gave them false hopes. they are great souls to forgive you...hope you learn from this incident and be a bit more sensitive towards them in the future.
BUT you are right in your own way to live separately as it does cause less heartache later.
Glad to know that all is ok now.
k

 

I think you have handled the situation well and avoided hurting anyone's feelings. That's always good.

The only downside to this situation that I could see (if there is one), is that after a year, suppose you still want to live seperately, and they still want to live joint.... you will have a hard time asking them to leave without hurting their feelings, because they will have gotten used to living with you and made that house their home too. Basically, it will be HARD to ask them to leave in a year without turning the house upside down and causing major heartache/drama all over again. Just a thought. But I guess if you decide you like living with them, you could live like this forever like you said. So you'll just have to cross the next road when you come to it... but I wanted to give you a heads up to the potential issues that lies one year down the line.

 

Vimmy,


In your paretns generation most of them are houes wives and they were using to each other 24/7.
But in your case being a working women,if you have some one support at home that would be very helpful in my openion.
You may not see the need of it right away but when you are having kid your stress will be relaved lot if you have some one from your family to look after the kids.At the same time they can enjoy there old age with grandchildren and they don't have to live alone.
My friend who works in India with her husband was telling that she need to put 10+ hours at work and most of the time kids were dependent on servants and beleive it ,it's lot of pain.
But anyway that was your choice and you made it and don't look back.
But you feel need of some one badly when you have kids but if you expect at that time there help then it will be a selfish on your part.
I am pretty sure definitly they will give you hand by looking at there nature.
Yesterday I was reading post and you mentioned that by the time you come down your husband eating breakfast.Once they leave you don't have that kind of privilage.