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Harassment from Male Boss? A victim or Survivor ?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by malspie, Aug 7, 2007.

  1. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    Many of the working females have at some point of time witnessed great harassment form their male superiors. The strongest win the race while the weak ones buckle. Many even opt out of the rat race. What could be the reason for a Male Boss to harass a particular female subordinate? Big companies have decorum to follow and you cannot just go and complain about your boss.

    If you try to talk it out with him the only reason he would give is that he is not satisfied with your performance in spite of you being a very good performer. Your ability is appreciated throughout the office except by your BOSS. What is the reason??

    He shouts at you in his cabin, maybe when he has people around him or you, throws paper at you, keeps reminding you that you are not very good at your work, even if everything is done to a perfect ‘T’ he may raise a very old issue and yell at you, in the nutshell he is actually psyching you. WHY????

    Dear friends, I have seen females working for such Boss going through acute depression. It is not always that only poor and needy continue to report to such boss. Sometimes the company, the position and remunertion does not let you throw the job in the air so easily. As nowadays there is reference checks, in most of the companies in Mumbai (at least) you cannot live a negative mark by fighting, agitating and making noise against your boss.

    Your next interviewer would always ask you to leave the contact numbers of your present company and the name of your boss so that they can cross check the reason that you are giving for leaving or planning to leave that job.

    It really plays a great havoc in your career to have such boss. And In case he holds a very senior post like that of a Director, V.P. and then you are in deep trouble.

    Either you quit with a thank you for the given opportunity or live through with the depression.

    Now let me tell you my experience:

    I am very confident of my performance wherever I go. I have never scaled the ladder with any recommendations or boot licking. Never will I do it. I have worked hard toward the success in my life and I am a good fighter. I am very confident that my Superiors cannot find any fault in my work and I always give more than 100% when it comes to my career. I have stayed back till 12.30 (IST) in office many times during AGMS and Year endings and have worked with same zeal as I start the day, and friends no holiday the next day. Sometimes the trend continues for weeks. I am very organized and meticulous in my job and most of the senior colleagues start depending on me for their day to day activities. I have spent more time in office than at home.

    Unfortunately, I landed up with this boss. He grilled me for more than two hours during my interview. At that point I had decided, I must win, I should be in a position to reject this offer rather than him rejecting me. And my friends, finally I landed up with the job. My first day with him was very smooth. But as the days passed (Ravan cannot Be Ram) I realized I have burnt my fingers. Now the time had come for me to decide should I continue or just look out for another job. My company was a leading MNC with 5 days working, cool working atmosphere all around the office except for me, Piped in music, cordial colleagues, pick up and drop facility, canteen facility, good remuneration and bright future ahead. Under such circumstances, I need to give myself a chance.

    Till I reported him, I had never faced such situations. But, suddenly I had this trauma in front of me. (I was going through the period of 2.5 years of harsh Saturn effects). My first experience was when he buzzed me and asked to send Suresh (name of a guy) in. Now the office had more than 5 branches with around 1000 staff. My second day in office remember friends. I was given a list of important people’s name. Suresh name was mentioned in it. I asked Suresh to go and see him. When Suresh entered he frowned at him. My Demon Boss was a very very very short tempered man. People would read the papers that they carry with him umpteen times. All the Managers in the office would shiver when he calls them to his cabin. He was a terror. (my good luck!!!). Suresh just barged out of the cabin and calmly told me it was not for him. Now this devil called me in and asked me, “Why did I create that blunder”? I shot back, “You have spent around 7 years in this office with more than 1000 staff. If there is more than One Suresh in this office you should tell me with their initials. Remember today is my second day in office and not the second year. It’s your mistake. And do not shout”. This man did not have the habit of anyone back answering him. He jumped from his seat and yelled me to go back to my room. I just walked away.

    And just after a week he buzzed in the canteen and asked the bell boy to send me down immediately (urgent work it seems). I called him back saying I am having my lunch. He told me, when he calls I should be there in his room. That’s all he knows and understands. I walked back to his room and did my job quietly.

    The decorum of our office demands that nobody sits at their working station and eat. We have to go to the food craft to have their grub; even it is only a fruit. The next day I opened my lunch box and started eating in my cabin. My cabin is made of glass. Rather all the cabins in this company are made of glass. Later, few came and warned me that I would be issued a circular. I told my colleagues need not worry. I will handle. The third day, he called me in and told me there is some urgent work but can be done after I come back from Lunch. He indirectly did not want me to spoil the decorum of the office and at the same time realized that he was wrong.

    Till I left the job, I always had a hearty meal. Nobody would come and disturb me.

    One more incident my friends, mother was very sick at that time and this used to worry me a lot. I had become very quiet and was feeling little depressed too. My mother had to go through series of tests before she went under the knife. It was not feasible for me to go with her for all the tests (holding a senior position in office means sacrifice your home life). I would go in the morning or would take permission from my boss to go early and collect the reports. Friends, would help me, neighbours would help me. Finally, when the doctor called me to say that she has to undergo the major operation (One kidney failed) I was shattered. My tears were rolling down my eyes. I was a changed person. My boss called me in and asked me the reason for the frequent early goings and late comings. I explained to him my mom’s condition. He was not happy. May be heart of heart he had a feeling I am lying. There were tears in my eyes when I was actually answering the query. He asked me the age of my mother. I told him 55 yrs. He immediately asked me to prepare myself for the worst. It happens. He explained to me philosophically. He also told me that his mother was 72 yrs and he is ready to hear the news any day. (his mother was hail and heart with only occasional age symptoms). I felt I am reporting to a devil. I did not quit. I don’t quit so easily. I am a good fighter. I told him only time will tell. It pinched my heart. I told my few very close friends in the office who cursed and cursed him. I said cool.

    In few months, his son scored a very low percentage (SSC exams). An ambitious man, intelligent, capable with a son scoring around 44% marks, he had no face to show in office. He had turned his chair towards the wall and was crying. His dreams for his son had shattered. I happen to enter his room at that time and when I called out to him he just turned. His eyes were moist. I immediately told him only when you go through that phase you understand. Tears flow for the people whom you love and care. You cannot hold it as tears do not follow any decorum. He was sharp and knew what I was trying to say. He just nodded his head in assertion.

    Another incident, one day he happened to go through a vital document in another Senior’s Cabin with a CC marked to him. He was very furious. He came charging to me saying that this document has a CC marked to me but I am seeing this paper for the first time though it is dated four months ago. Why did you not brief me about it. Well, I was also seeing that paper for the first time. But for the benefit of doubt, I told him to give me some time. I checked all the vital documents files and did not find that particular paper anywhere. Now I was confident that it was not issued to him at all. May be the secretary of that Senior forgot to give our department a copy. My wonderful boss, was screaming his lungs out since I was not able to trace that paper. I told him in a very calm manner that it has not been issued to us. He asked me to go back to my room and use my sleeping brains to find out where it is misplaced.

    I asked the Secretary of that Senior manager why she did not issue a copy to me. Since she was my friend she honestly admitted that she forgot to do the same. She also told me that whenever she issues a copy to other dept., she makes a note of the same on the original paper. There was no such note that means she forgot to issue a copy. After, a few minutes, (now he was sitting with a few other managers in his cabin) I explained to my boss about the misunderstanding. He wanted to remain the undisputed King. He thumped the table, jumped from his seat, his whole body was shivering in anger, he was RED… He explained that he does not hold such senior post for fun. He has got brains and intelligence and that’s the reason he is where he is today. All the Managers were looking at us. I immediately told him very calmly, I too feel the same. By thumping the table, shivering like a cat, barking loudly like a wild animal will not change the fact that the copy was not issued to us. He stared at me for a few seconds. I went away. Friends, all the managers came and congratulated me. They even told me in the history of the tenure of my boss with this company nobody has dared to contradict his statement. I may have to face the guns during appraisal. I said cool. Later, I walked to his room and initiated a conversation, I told him, I did not mean to hurt you. But, learn to trust. I have never failed in my abilities. That’s why I hold my neck high. Next time when you see a paper in any room fire them, that a copy is not marked to you.


    But can demon be gods…. Now this time he forgot a paper at home and told me during our last meeting he had given it to me. Friends, he was even enacting the whole scene to me. I did not remember anything like that !!?!!. But there is no point in arguing with him. After couple of days he called me and gave me the same paper. It was lying in his home. I immediately told him, this is the second time. Learn to trust.

    My boss never spoke to anybody with passion, compassion. But, inspite of all the rudeness he was a very intelligent man. I admire his abilities in taking decisions, his abilities in solving problems, his abilities in leadership, his abilities to handle work pressure, gals, he was extremely good in handling work pressure. He would never ask you to repeat the work. He was a very nice boss but a very bad human being.

    What did I appreciate in him???

    He would work hard towards the path of winning and never give up.

    Inspite of holding a extreme senior position he would be in office at <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:time Hour="8" Minute="30">8.30 a.m.</st1:time> and would retire at 9.00 every day. And during his working hours you will never find him hanging around anywhere in office.

    He would never boot lick to reach the top. He never asked for any favours.

    He never gave undue importance to any person.

    Nobody could go to him and criticize about anybody. He never encouraged gossips.

    He would take decisions in jiffy. Problems are there in life and we should find ways to solve it was his motto.

    He expects 100% efficiency in his staff and extreme hard work.

    What he lacked was compassion toward his colleagues, understanding, extreme harshness.

    All the above incidents happened during my first six months with him. I survived. I could have easily quit and looked out for a better atmosphere. I had the qualification and the ability. But, I took this up as a challenge.

    I was with him for five years and the next few years I had a jolly time in the same organization. I lived like a queen. Nobody would dare to say a word to me. My boss would tear them apart. I had won a place in his heart. And I earned this situation. I did not boot lick, nor succumbed. I fought my way out subtly. Later I was told that because of him no females lasted long in his department. I was the right candidate for him.

    After every awkward incident before the day ends, I would tell him how much his action worries others. I never knew that he was slowly correcting himself. He finally was a changed man. I would often tell him later, do not shout. Listen patiently. Later it had become a fun quote. The moment I enter his room, he would say, “I am not shouting, I forgot to shout”. He would sign all the vouchers and bills raised by me without verification. What he never liked was my absence in office. He would sit with a fat pumpkin face the next day? It was fun. I can do anything in office, hang around anywhere, chat with anybody, laugh loudly, joke around, but never be absent.

    Friends, one day you know he caught me doing his mimicry in office. All my colleagues had gathered and I was actually imitating my boss (a scene exactly like the one in Dil to pagal hai). My colleagues also never told me that he was just behind me. They were too scared to even ….. When I turned it was HIM… I ran back to my room. And waited for him to call me and fire… All that he said was, so you can act also. I had heard about it, today I am convinced. Why don’t you join theatre……


    The whole organization congratulated me for changing my boss in to a nice human being. He was not rude anymore. He was cool and had learnt to throw words with caution. He understood that his action was hurting people.

    My resignation was rejected twice. He would never let me go and would match my salary with the new offer. But, I had to move. There was no challenge anymore. My life was cool, my boss was cool, my work was cool. I like challenges, It makes life worth living. The third time I put my foot down. I told him I have to go and he finally let me out.

    And exactly in a year he too quit. I received messages from all my ex colleagues saying that his last working day was also August 12… the same as mine..

    Today my ex boss is abroad with one of leading giants of business. He has been interviewed by news channels and also has appeared in business magazines, and, my dear friends he too has walked the path with his head high.

    Friends, I owe all my success to him. I learnt to face the storm, I became strong. I am heading a department today and not only the department but all the Senior’s in the office respect me and I have learnt to stand tall. I can call a sword a sword and take decisions without hesitation. I can fight to win. I can conquer. I salute him the same way he salutes me for changing “A DEMON TO A HUMAN”.

    Challenges are to be faced and conquered not hide our face like an ostrich. I just asked myself what if the next boss is also like him, what in case I marry and my husband has got such a foul temper, would I just quit so easily?

    Now the reason for my boss to behave so oddly with me was, when he joined the organization, he recruited a female in the department and she was more than a subordinate to him. She would fix coffees, carry tiffin and had pampered him with such funny habits. She thought by doing it she would earn a place in his heart. She did that successfully. I am sure he had such expectations from me too, I WILL NEVER.


    I earned a name in the organization for my working abilities and for changing my demon boss….

    There are many reasons for a male boss to get agitated with their subordinates especially if she is a female. I have worked for the top most MNC and I can confidently answer your query.

    Read all the reasons listed below and tell me what goes with you the best:

    · You may not be living up to his expectation in your work profile.

    · Your temperaments do not match else there is absolutely no chemistry from both sides.

    · He is looking for a new face and is tired of you.

    · He does not want to get in to the wrong books of the management and is hence trying his ways to show is dislike for you.

    · He may have had a female reporting to him who has pampered his ego, fixed coffee, tea and has spent her tenure not merely like a colleague....

    · Check out from other employees how his relationship with the previous female was, be discreet. In case, he comes to know, your life will be more miserable.

    · Usually bosses who had a rollicking relationship with their previous female subordinate expect the same with the next appointment. But, when he finds that she is not matching with the previous employee then they tend to get agitated.

    · Also there is a possibility that the previous candidate in your place was a super performer (work wise) compared to you and he was very satisfied with her outputs.

    · He is not expecting only WORK FROM YOU. He is attracted towards you but has no courage to let you know. So whenever he looks at you he screams and throws tantrums. In such conditions, you will not be able to complain to anybody, primarily he has not made any sexual advances and has not passed any sexual remarks and also since he is the boss there will be reputation in office that you are not a good performer.

    · It is also possible that you being a super performer are still not able to win his heart. Now comes the astrology part... may be both of you are not compatible.

    · Also it is possible there is someone in the office who is feeding him with negative information about you and your total behavior in the office, the kind of friends you have, the jokes you crack during lunch time, how much you bitch about him etc…..

    · He does not like the time you spend with few male colleagues coz of his attraction towards you and he showing his anger by harassing you.

    · You have a fun loving, witty, charismatic personality with others in the office except him.

    · There are many females who are very charismatic, gregarious, well dressed, with a great sense of humour and intelligence. Such females attract lots of people towards them. Her social approach gives wrong signal to few men and your boss may be one of them. She is so outgoing but why is she not showing any signs of progress towards our relationship???


     
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  2. Maggie

    Maggie New IL'ite

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    Hey Malspie,

    That was a nice brief about your work life.It tells lot about you too.
    All the best for your future challenges.:2thumbsup:


    With love
    maggie
     
  3. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mals,
    It appears that your boss's behaviour with other subordinates also was same as with you. But it shows your courage that you did not crack under pressure. Perhaps weak minded female would have resigned. My hubby had faced the same problem with boldness, even when his boss gave promotion to a junior. My hubby fought till the end and the boss had to quit. These kind of bosses got no gender bias. They treat all alike.
    Love,
    Pushpavalli
     
  4. Nivedi

    Nivedi New IL'ite

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    Hi Mals,

    You sure are a strong willed person. Working with a nasty person is tough and I admire the way you carried yourself through it all without buckling in. Good going!

    Rgrds,
    Nivedi
     
  5. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Malspie,

    That indeed was a very lucid write up about a working girl's woes.
    Your article sure is a heartening encouragement for girls who are fighting it out there and gives a lot of insight into the psyche of a boss-employee relationship.
    Above all, what strikes most is your dedicated attitude towards your job. True, when there is a will, there is a way. And as long as you do your stuff well, no one can put you down
    I salute the hard working woman in you :)

    L, Kamla
     
  6. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Mals,
    I SALUTE YOU, FOR THE SPIRIT IN YOU.
    You decided that you will not succumb to pressure or give up, unable to face the challenge ! You were confident that you were doing the right thing & went ahead confidently.
    Only the tough gets going, whe the going gets tough. You are a typical example !
    Are you a Meena Rasi person?
    I admire the working woman in you, Mals !
    Love,
    Chithra.
     
  7. meenu

    meenu Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear malspie,
    Iloved your article and your tough attitude.I am recommending your postfor
    the finest in august.It ceratainly is a morale booster for the working woman
    Regards,
    Meenu
     
  8. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    The only aim of my post was to encourage people who are suffering silently thinking "Why Me?". Its not always the same.

    Anyways thank you for nominating my post.

    Love and
     
  9. Induslady

    Induslady Administrator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Malspie,

    That was a great post about how to survive in work life amongst a Male boss just waiting to find chances to harass. I appreciate you coming forward to share what you went through and the listings the lessons to take out from it.

    Sure this is going to be a brain stormer and morale booster to those females who are in such a stressful work environment. I believe this will help them survive than becoming a victim asking 'why me?'.

    I have a redirect for this thread in 'working women' forum too, so that it is not missed by any of the working women here.

    Malathy
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2007
  10. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear malspie,

    Kudos to you for your brave acts. I wish all ladies are as brave as you. In this connection, I would like to bring to your notice that already there is a landmark judgement by Supreme court regarding sexual harassment and an act is pending before parliment empowering ladies to fight and get justice. I have put this in another forum 'varalottis short stories' and here is the link. Please go through this.

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/v...al-favous-signature-my-short-3.html#post98676

    Regards,

    TDU
     

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