Happy Valentines Day! Let's Celebrate With KC Kambar!

A Sweet Supplementary Post!

You overwhelmed me with your responses. VS, Kamla you are not without company. I also belong to the pre-valentine era.

The place where I schooled and the times were so orthodox, that if a boy is seen asking a girl to borrow her class notes, well, the next day, the schools rest room will be full with grafitti linking the boy and the girl for all ages to come.

In that context my marriage had to be an arranged one. But I being I, made the best of whatever was offered to me. When people ask me whether my marriage is a love marriage or an arranged one, I say, "both" because we loved and our parents arranged.

Having said that it would be shock to you all if I say that I met Indhu when I was 18 and she was 16.

She had joined the Pre-University Course at the local Music College near our house, called Sri Sadguru Sangeetha Vidyalayam.

An allied institution of this college was Sri Sadguru Sangeetha Samajam, the Music Academy of Madurai.

My parents were members in the Samajam. I used to go to the concerts. It was there I saw the skinny, tall, fair girl who used to come to the concerts as part of her curiculum.

It was an instance of annalum nokkinaan (though I come no way near the
definition of annal) avalum nokkinaal.

For a while I have been trying my hand at Veena. I learnt to play the instrument for some 5 years.

During Thiagaraja Arathanai in January every year, kathukuttis like us will be given a chance to perform on stage. When I was in the green room I saw this tall, lean girl again at close quarters. But given the circumstances (every one out there was known to my parents) we did not even dare to smile at each other. The most we did was to let our eyes rest on each other a second longer than it was necessary. That is the maximum advancement in love we could boast of.

This kind of meeting each other from too respectable a distance continued for a few years. Then I joined CA. I got close to one of my fellow-apprentices and confided my love for that tall girl to him. Then only he said that the girl was his second cousin and that her name was Indhu.

He and a couple of my other friends worked round the clock to make things happen.

I got an all-India rank in CA inter. My photo was published in our professional magazine. A friend carried it all the way to Indhu's house to show it to her father. He true to his nature was not impressed.

Then I finished CA and got a job in TVS. Then my friend, Indhu's cousin, arranged a girl seeing function. Fortunately for us everything else fit. Same religion, same caste, but of course different subsect (thenkalai-vadakalai) which did not matter.
My father insisted that he would go by the book. Meaning he would proceed only when the horoscopes match. Now I was in a fix. How to make the horoscopes match? I got some time from my father. And after two days told him,
"I accept your condition. But you should take the horoscopes only to the astrologer I recommend. And my friend will come along with you."

My love was so strong that it turned me into a schemer. (which helped me a lot later in my profession).
Meanwhile I had scouted for astrologers who would be rather easy on the matching aspect. I did not go to the extent of tipping the astrologer to make him say that this was an excellent match. But I assessed his general outlook. He was a very old man who had seen many a summer. During a casual talk he mentioned that "manaanukule prathamam prathastham" Agreement between the minds is all that matters.
I wrote down his name and address and gave it to my father who went along with my friend. The astrologer said the horoscopes matched.
But suddenly there was a set back. Indhu's parents were not ready for the marriage, even though my parents said plainly, there were absolutely no demands.
We did not hear from them for a long time. Meanwhile my parents started to see other girls. The parents of a girl from Chennai were very keen. The horoscopes had matched. They had come and talked to my parents. My parents were ready to travel to Chennai for the girl seeing function.

I went to Meenakshi Amman temple and told Mukkurini Vinayagar, "Lord, I thought I was smart. But before you I am a fool and an idiot. If you think I deserve Indhu, let us get married. Otherwise I submit to your will. Thy will and not mine be done."

Atheists may laugh at me. But the prayer did have an effect. Early next morning Indhu's aunt came to our house asking how to proceed further. Then Indhu's parents, aunts and uncles came. They fixed the date of betrothal on June 13 1983. But the marriage was deferred till 3rd Feb 84.

All our courtship was in this interregnum. We exchanged many, many letters. In those days there were no mobiles, sms or emails. (We did not even have a land line) So we had to take recourse to the snail mail.

Indhus parents were strict. So they did not allow my writing to her. So I used to write to her neighbour. Indhu will read the letter and then tear it off.

My parents encouraged me. In fact my father gave his newly printed letter heads to me to write to Indhu. I exhausted two pads of 100 leaves each.
I still retain the letters written by Indhu. When we have a bad fight, I used to retrieve those letters, just pick one at random, read it and then run to Indhu to ask for forgiveness, even if the mistake was hers.

Love then and love now is different. In those days our love had more of speed, now it has more of depth. But even now I am afraid that I have not fully reciprocated Indhu's love for me. I have not given to her the same happiness she has been giving me for all these years.

Sorry for boring you with my own suyapuranam!

regards,
sridhar

 

Manjula and Other ILites,

I should add a note here; otherwise my wife reading the post might get offended. Indhu remained skinny only for a period of 6 months after marriage. Thereafter she became slim. I am looking for a word to describe her now. Yet to find that word.

At the time I set my eyes on Indhu, I was skinnier than her. Indhu used to joke to her friends that I was the number one man. Not because I was a numero uno, but because I was like the number 1, standing 6' 1' ramrod straight and as lean as lean can be.

My present appearance is a different story and it wont fit into this thread.

sridhar