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happy realtionship is going bad day by day

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by riyagill777, May 19, 2010.

  1. riyagill777

    riyagill777 New IL'ite

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    hi,

    Am living with my fiance in Australia from last 1 year, things are changing so rapidly that i cant resist, what to do i cant make out, need suggestion from freinds out here bcz i cnt discuss anything to my parents.

    My family and his family lives in india, they knw that we live together and we have told them we have plans to get marry, they are agree on the same. So there s no problem from family.

    its just like he used to care a lot initially for 2- 3 months for everything but now he says that he cares for me but i cant feel that. He dont even listen to me if i stops him on driving rash.

    I says that a aggressive but to be honest am not aggresive i got hurt on things then i react..and keeps coming in my mind - that if he loves me than y he hurts me.

    Nowadays things are happening like he used to go work at 4 but now he leave home at 1 and comes early and stay busy with his own things like running, bathing, games...and feel like am the fool who do everything for him and he just wanna spend time with me on bed.

    To overcome this i asked him that lets go to running together, but he goes ahead and again am alone. Sometimes i also need that care and pamper but we are living away from home, he gets everything he needs , i keep cooking for him whether am back from work or am sick. But i dont get a cup of tea or coffee infact even if ask for.


    This kind of thing is sucking my life and head pissed off............ we decided many time to be normal but in reality we act being normal to each other, by heart we are not.................:(
     
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  2. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Riya,
    Seems like the initial charm in the relationship is fading. It happens. People get used to each other and hence dont feel the compulsion to express love/care very often.

    I would suggest you to plan for a small outing (vacation) over the weekend wherein just two of you would be there. The exclusive time you would get away from household responsibilites and work, may help revive the magic again. And when he is in good mood there, you may just try to have a heart-to-heart talk to him on how you feel lonely sometimes. Explain him your expectations in proper words and I guess, he'll get the point.

    all the best!

    ~S.
     
  3. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Riya,
    I second other IL. My suggestion, get married to him as early as possible.
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Well this is a reality post marriage for many ladies.. probably he's trying his best that you get used to this lifestyle so that you dont complain that prior to marriage he was X and now Y.

    You clearly know whats in store for you... take a call.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    I am afraid, Marriage may not solve anything here.. Infact I would prefer if they could solve this disconnection prior to marriage.

    Riya and her Boy friend are already in 'post marriage' state. 'Tying the knot' is the only thing that went missing. Other than that, the initial hiccups of newly wed, the 'reality check' of post marriage (like Shilpa mentioned) -everything are already on parade here.

    Riya, retrospect on what you saw in him, what you wanted, what you thought and what you got. See what went wrong, where and how. Take one issue at a time. For example, if he is not spending enough time with you like before, look into the issue without getting too emotional. Set aside your emotions and see why is he not able to spend time with you. Do not assume and associate meanings for his unavailability. Just try to find out why. Is he really busy at work or did he lose interest in you already? Or are you too demanding or nagging.. that he felt he needed some space? Do your homework.


    Just for the sake of commitment, do not get married. For a successful marriage, man and woman need to be emotionally alive for each other.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2010
  6. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Stop behaving like a wife and dont treat him like a husband. He is enjoying all the comforts of a married life without the responsibilities .
    Having his cake and eating it too !
    Poor parents cannot do much if the daughter insists on living with her BF so lets leave them out.They have no option but agree.
    May be he is trying to tell you something. I would not recommend outings etc to repair the relationship or getting married (its doubtful if he would agree, he is already getting all the comforts ) .
    He is not making any effort to keep you happy so smell the coffee.
    Repairing, mending relationships is done when marriage is at stake ,why start now before marriage ? And behave like a long- suffering wife ?
     
  7. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Shilpa, True n FL are so right.. if this is the love he gives and you still intend to get married to him, it looks suicidal to me! I have seen few girls who live-in with bf and really get a preview/ trailer of post-marrigae life AND have backed off from the relationship for good.. those girls are in a better relationship now and are leading better lives. believe me, though society will look at them wrongly, in the long run such thing will seem like blessing in disguise..

    do try to work it for a little more while but do not think that you cannot come out of it just because you are already in a live-in relationship and your parents know of it, society will look at it wrongly.. blah blah and ruin your life. the sooner you decide the better.. if you still fell you love him and cannot do without him and think he loves you too but his love needs to be rekindled and he has to brought to senses and then everythign will be alright.. maybe you should try to live seperately for few months or even a year and still maintain your love relationship.. but you know what, after marriage you move in him, the same ignoring/ dominating will happen.. Please wake up and see the other side of the coin.
     
  8. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Sit him down and talk to him clearly,consicely,without emotions about what you expect from him. Ask him if he is on borad. If yes then stay otherwise leave.

    He is bored, not willing to his part in the realtionship.

    Just because you are engaged doesn't mean you are married...so think before you commit.
    FL
     
  9. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    HI,

    I agree with, Flower lady and FL, if the relationship is already going this way now then what would happen once you get married, marriage is not going to help anything, better have a face to face talk to him and ask him whether the relationship is on or not, if your instinct or heart tells you its not working then walk away becasuse he is not even spending time with you and treating you like a maid, first stop doing everything for him, let him pull up his socks and you concentrate and focus on your work, what is happening might also be a warning for you to see the real image of your BF so if he is like this now what would happen after marriage, and please do not think he will change as he will not and do not have any acceptation from him, talk him with a clear mind and ask him what he wants, if you feel the relationship is not going to work out then better to walk out now rather than suffering for life time, i am sorry am being harsh.
    love
    alpa:cheers
     
  10. riyagill777

    riyagill777 New IL'ite

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    Thanks for opinions and suggestions everyone, things are better then before i talked to him but still i dont understand 1 thing that many are saying marrige doesnt make difference and some are saying that its good you got to know his behaviour before marrige. He is not refusing on marrige but its my personal thinking if he is bad on 5 things he is good on 50 things as well, so wht is sure if i ll get marrried to some other person or you can say arrange marrige... that person will be good enough.


    I think we cant get to know about any relation or person before we spend time...........then wht if after 6 months of arrange marrige, another person will also show same kinda behave or even worse then this..?? Who Knows???

    So i belive this wht happens happens for good, if we have strength to leave some1 that is for good and if not that is love.

    And for good, we both had word with each other as we never told each other wht problems we have, so now bit more understanding developed... cheers! and thanx for the support
     

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