Handling ILs..what worked for you?

Amniki,

As ASG said, all you can do is exercise cntrol over yourself.. How about developing a thick skin towards all those mindless comments.. I'm sure if you dont respond to those comments, they'll only shut up..

 

Niki, why dont you make a standard rule between you and DH that neither you complain about them or he rattles their complain to you....
Since their complain register is overwhleming its better to close eyes on it.........

 

My ILs do the same thing that your ILs are doing to you girl. I mean the SAME thing. They started complaing to my DH for hours on the phone. MIL does the whole drama (crying, yelling, whining, etc...)

I have DH support. I told him that feeding into the "nonsense" will just stress our lives out more. The more DH allows them to "complain" to him, he is betraying our relationship. I told DH that we promised to be there for each other, and we need to think about our future.. and companion life together. If we don't focus on us and actively think positive, then we as a couple will not be the best of potential. See, my DH did not like that his parents used to fight a lot (as he grew up), and they all had a lot of distance from each other (moving, etc..).. I told DH we want stability for us and future children. We can only have stability if we focus on us and only attract good things. He understood. In return, I agreed to not complain (..which I really was not doing much of anyway. but this is to show that I'm doing my end) about ILs unless they do something harmful. In return, I asked DH to not listen to IL complains. ..let MIL complain to another person... but not DH

 

Each time I try to be like what they want,they are still not satisfied.Each time they find a new fault and make my DH think that I do not cook well,etc.,
and I have little knowledge about family life.MIL talks as if she is an expert in everything.Nowadays I try to make out a point of her mistakes and also the best things I have done .I try to make him see the other sign of the coin also.

Nowadays he started seeing his mom's mistakes too.