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greedy,overpowering,irritating in laws and unsupportive,helpless husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kijo, Jan 28, 2010.

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  1. kijo

    kijo New IL'ite

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    hello all!!!
    i have been going thru this website since 6 months.it's a great site i say..really it helped me a lot.i have so much to share with you all.I am from HYD,AP.i am the eldest daughter among three of us from a middle class loving family.i have loving parents n 2 loving younger sisters.i finished mbbs from a very good college and was preparing for my post graduate entrance when i got married in april 2009 to a SW ENG.as any other girl i also had dreams of beautiful marriage but all in vain.these men pretend to be too good before marrriage but after marriage they r just puppets of mommy.there were lots of fights during my marriage.my parents in law are uneducated.though theirs was a very normal family our family agreed for the allaince coz they felt that guy is good,educated n the parents worked hard to raise their kids so they can understand other middleclass family problems.but no...they are sooo greedy.they took enough dowry,gold and silver.but it was not enough for them.my dh has an elder brother who got married to only daughter of so called politician who has more money than us.since we got engaged mil kept on nagging n comparing me with her.it was irritating to the core.she irritated my parents also.she is soo cheap.she gifted me a necklace in my engagement in front of all her relatives n later took that away.she behaved very badly with my parents all the time.they inquired from my dad abt all the properties what my dad posessed but they din't even tell us that they were constructing a new house n wedding will be conducted in that house untill the housewarming ceromony.during the housewarming ceromony ILS behaved irrelevantly and ignored my parents like anything.my bil never ever talked nicely or spoke with some respect towards my parents n my idiotic mil used to provoke his son more and more.i hate her from the bottom of my heart.how much ever i tell about her it's less.my father was soo pissed of with them that he was ready to cancel the wedding just before 3 weeks of the wedding but she refused n later was saying that i and my family shud feel thankful that she saved a girl's life from social abuse and all.they feel that they did a favour to our family by agreeing our alliance.they feel inferior to us as my parents are more educated than them n try to pretend superior to us.so cheap she n my bil called names to my father coz in wedding we din't give new cot n almirah.it used to be a custom in olden days but i guess not know.my father told them that any how my daughter is going to stay in us so no need of it.and i am going to give her enough money while she is going to us which might be useful to her.u know my dh was soo cheap.when i asked him wat is dis he said yes u should get.we should have our own.how bad.later when he came to US once when we were talking on fone he told me that he got a new bed for us and waiting for me to come.he said that he din't use the bed n won't use it till i come.he said that anyhow ur parents din't give new cot,our first night din't happen on new cot,so atleast let that happen here.i felt so so so bad i can't tell.i couldn't share this to anybody.i still get tears in my eyes when ever i remember those words.once when i was talking to him on fone before marriage i jokingly told him that "y don't u buy me this, now it's ur responsibility",he said"no u r not my responsibility,u'll be mine only after marriage."whom shud i tell all these.i cant' tell parents as they'll feel v v bad.mil told my parents once that they are only supposed to pay my visa fees,money required to got to chennai for the visa n even to tirupathi.thye told me that if ever i want to go out or got my parents house i ahev arrange for my transport..it means my parents have to arrange for it.dh also told the same thing.not only this they behaved so badly to my parents in the wedding they din't wait till my parents had food.bil shouted on my father and mama in front of everybody in the wedding..3 days after my wedding after our first night which was kind one another night mare in my life they called my parents home n shouted n humiliated like anything that my mom had to leave crying.i felt soo bad n was standing helpless.dh was aslo not saying anything. he was never there for me.u know after marriage my dh was there for 1 week before he flew to US.we din't go out anywhere not even to a movie.i was not even allowed to got to my aunt's place who invited my and dh for dinner dh told me that they should better ask our elders(inlaws)if they have to invite us.no moment of privacy for us.he sounded soo sweet before marriage but later.huh!!.i was made to do all the work..kitchen,clothes,washing vessels,brooming,mopping the floor in just one week of marriage..dh din't say anything.he is so dumb in front of his parent.he just listens to what they say.that's it.i still regret in getting married to such a person.we din't get time to spend before marriage though we had 3 months of time coz he was us in, i was in india.we spoke on fone but still couldn't spend quality time with each other.he sounded sweet,lovable,polite and everything as every other nice guy.he told me to call him by his name or any other nick name or no need of like emandi or eji sunoji types or other formalities.but after mil instructed me to call him like that now he is saying u better call me that way.i came to US along with my inlaws 1 month after marriage.imagine how difficult it would have been.my dh wanted them to be here to teach me work,household work.i can't even tell how bad my days n nights were.there wasn't a single day when i din't cry.she used to nag and nag and nag and nag about something or the other,infact everything but not infront of his son.she was sweet in front of his son. she used to saythat i din't get this,i din't get that.she din't like the things which i got.she used nag abt my parents again.she used to fill dh ears with all false allegations abt my parents.inlaws n dh used to sit in another room n talk for hours without invloving me.she never allowed me to make a call to my parents.she used make me sit on floor n they 3 used to sit on couch.u know this went to this degree..i was soo disrespected.i kept quiet just for my parents,for their respect.i kept quiet so that some day i'll teach them a lesson,my time will come.i was still bearing all this but one thing which pains me a lot is dh was never never with me till now.he never ever listened to me what i wanted to say.u know she took away some stuff from our house to india. like the cutlery set n told that we don't need the full set.when i told her that i like it to be a complete set she made a big scene out of it saying tha it's my son's house n i'll do what ever i want.who are you to stop me.she cried n did not eat the whole day.i never troubled dh coz i never wanted to be among those women who cry,stop eating to get things done. i tried to ignore most of the times.she din't stop with that.she took away our old comforter,few vessels from kitchen,spoons,fot frame saying that u don't need so many.those were bought by dh befor we came here.she said this is my house and i have all rights.she forced me to promise her that i shouldn't take any precautions for family planning.ofcorse i din't promise.dh knows abt all this and he din't say a single word.she used to sneak in to our room when we used to spend time in our room,or when i was not in my room she used to go and take what ever she wanted.sometimes when i was not in my room she used to go talk secretely to her son.she took so many things from our house.i cant' even say.i am not supposed to that it's my house.she never liked or appreciated my cooking coz i used to follow my mother's method and she used to feel jealous.she used to warn me u better forget ur mom's methods.i can't tell what i went thru.it was such a mental trauma. i creid n cried and cried like never before.most of my nights were spent crying.i am still crying.i never got time to spend time with dh.they were here for 3 months(thank god not 6 months).after that dh project was at some other place so i had to stay all alone for 2 months.that's one more toruture to saty al alone in anew place after wedding away from ur parents after going thru sucha turmoil..thank good ILS were not there.atleast i had my own time to spend for myself.after that he was here then. i tried to tell what all happended to dh but he never never listened or atleast tried to listened.he never showed interest in that matter.offlate i am realising that he is nice guy but his mom's pet who blindly dances to her tunes.i am like trying to concentrate on my career but u know i am not able to forget what all happened.i had real real real tough time.i still cry and cry remembering all those things.i feeling killing them.i am that much angry on them.i feel like taking revenge.i HATE THEM.I HATE THEM.THEY ARE DISGUSTING.it tried forgetting but u know that one person,dh who is always there with me in my life is enough.his sight,sometimes his actions are enough to remind me of everything and go crazy.u know we have sex occassionally once in 20,25 days or so.there was once when when we din't din't have sex for 60,65 days.i don't feel like to, coz every second his presence reminds me of the trauma,his family what all they said, his helplessness and unsupportiveness.i feel we are still not that close.distances got created bteween us.to be frank i don't love my husband. i just like him a s a nice human being and i am just being his wife as it is my responsibility.i don't enjoy this relationship because of them. i try a lot to forget but all in vain.my day begins and ends with vengeance,anger,frustration against my inlaws.i sometimes shout out of frustration on my parents for getting me married in to such a family who doesn't respect people.really they don't have respect for me nor my parents.till now they din't talk to my parents after wedding.my parents went to their house during festivals but they din't speak.they din't even offer coffee or tea above that they again shouted on them.my realtives invited them for 3,4 weddings but they din't go.how humiilating it would have been for my parents.i don't know whether dh knows abt all these or not coz when we call them he speaks to them secretively in other room and he won't tell me anything.he sent money to india 3 times after i came to us but i din't know that.i came to know accidentally.but that's k i don't care.his money,his parents,his wish.i take chances of talking to dh regarding this,my feelings but he won't give me a chance at all.i used to worry in the beginning that whether he loves me or not but now i dOn't even care.I ALWAYS BELEIVED IN ONE THING"THE ONLY CURE FOR LOVE IS TO LOVE MORE" BUT NOW I REALISE IT'S JUST ONLY A SYING. i want to come out of it.enough is enough now.i am going crazy.i am not able to concentrate on my studies.i am planning to give my exam but u know i am soo stuck with all these.i feel as if am soo forced to be in this relationship.i fell i don't mind even if i get divorced.i am out of my mind now.i am doing things like cooking and other things just that it's routine and got habituated.i don't feel like having any interest in anything.i am not able to enjoy all those things what used to give me happiness previously.every moment i think abt them n what all they said and did.i won't get peace until i share this thing with dh but he is NOT AT ALL READY TO LISTEN.they get on to my nerves most of the times.u know i some times try show my anger and frustration on dh indirectly so that thru that we can lead to that topic,atleast i can take a chance of telling him what all happened n what i had to go thru but he never allows that.someway or the other topic ends an everything is over.he is nice, really really nice.he doesn't interfere in my things,my life,let's me live my life.he is cool,balanced.doesn't over eact to emotions.respond equally to all emotins.(a libran to the core)but when it comes to his parents' things he behaves so indifferent,so idiotic, a mamma's boy.he was good when we spoke before marriage regarding sharing household chores,independence etc etc.he said he liked me coz he flet that i am nice homely girl who would respect him and his family then what abt my respect and my family's respect.but now he doesn't help me at all.i have to do all the work.he doesn't show interest in talking to my parents or sisters but i keep forcing n make him to talk to them.what will my sisters think?now will they respect my dh or inlaws??how odd it will look when we go to india??.he once said in front his parents that he don't have any relations with my parents,he is least least bothered..his mom instructed him during those 3 months that he is not supposed to do any household work.when he tried to help in few things during their visit she shouted on me.she told him what is wife for.she told him in front of everybody that u have a wife and u have to make her things do n u are not supposed to do anything.he din't say a word then n sat watching my face.so now he doesn't do anything.even on fone she keeps on saying "cook well,if he doesn't like it prepare something else.he likes this u do only this,he doesn't like this so u don't do this" and dh is so selective and picky in foods that it's difficult for me to plan for a variety in my daily cooking.thank god he doesn't mind routine things n repetitions.hummmm i know i must have bored u all with such a long story but what to do.I AM GOING CRAZY.everybody says neglect n ignore.forgive them.y wasting ur time.mom says keep patience things will become right.she also went thru such ofcourse worse situations.she says have faith in god and deeds fo goodness.but it's soo hard to forget nad get above all this.i nver had such thing in my life to face.when ever i had some problem with somebody i used to avoid them n that way i used to get over it but now it's not like that.they are there 24/7 in my life.dh presence in my life reminds me of everything.it's becoming difficult for me.i feel like killing my self sometimes, or run away from all this crap.life was sooo good,damn good before marriage.happiness is gone form my life the moment i got engaged.i still don't mind taking divorce from dh.what to do???NEED HELP NEED HELP.with all this crap in my brain,with such hatred in my heart how can i be good and happy eith my husband.as of now i am leadinga mechanical life.god please help me what should i do??i hope to get a good reply n solution for this.
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i was able to go through half of your post
    understood the pain you have
    but tell me one thing inspite of being educuated from a understanding family inspite of know how the family is before marriage why did you opt for it?
    they created enuf scenes before marriage so you could have understood nature and delcined then and there
    i really dono what to suggest but now i hope your in laws are not around so try getting close to your dh dont complain or crib about previous things try starting a new life give him a chance and see if it helps
     
  3. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    I havent been able to read through your entire post. But what I intend to ask is..depsite being well educated yourself, why did you have to give a dowry? People who ask for dowry are always greedy and you should have known better that things are only going to go down hill from there!
     
  4. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Kijooooooo !!!

    YOU ARE WAY TOOOO EMOTIONAL AND A LOTTT SENSITIVE ! That isnt practical life.

    Agreed, with all that you and your parents went through
    " at the time " of your marriage and after that.. BUT, that is almost a year ago. I dont say, you forget it. Because, incidents that hurt us arent usually forgotten. I ask you what is the point in reminding yourself about it, DAY IN AND DAY OUT ??? It is not doing any help to you.

    Why are you trying to explain it to your husband whom you know very well, uses very little of his own brains and lives by what his mommy preaches most of the times ? Now, this is called wasting precious time.

    Kijo, what you went through is sad.. Agreed. But, every person in this world goes through nonsense as such in " different forms " ! There is no point in thinking about what happened when we very well know that those things are going to hurt us horribly !

    Now, first things first.. LEAVE MARRIAGE DAY TREATMENT AS THE WORST EPISODE IN YOUR LIFE AND MOVE ON !

    Dont expect ILs to treat your parents like humans. Simply because, they dont want to respect them. So, you can never " force " manners to people who " dont want to learn them " !
    Instead, spread a word to your siblings / parents to NOT go to your inlaws house unnecessarily.
    Tell your relatives not to expect them for any weddings, respite being called because they may not come. Reason - you dont know. But, the wedding will happen even if your inlaws dont go isnt ? So, dont make a mountain out of a molehill wondering " what your relatives might think OR why your inlaws dont have manners " ! PLEASE DO NOT WASTE YOU TIME.

    Ask your parents to not give any gifts to them. You know why they still take humilation ? Because YOU ARE WEAK. Because they know their daughter cannot handle things and if they taunt she is going to just stand there helpless ! You are a doctor, kijo ! Not that doctors are world class citizens.. But, you are well educated. WHY CANT YOU STAND UP FOR YOURSELF ? Why do you need parents to go through nonsense because, you cannot face up situations ?

    If your MIL complains that your parents didnt come with goodies to fill their house, say OK... Maybe they were busy OR , I will check with them wether they are fine and LEAVE IT AT THAT. Ask your parents to put up a caller id and simply refuse to pick any calls made from your hubby's side. Now, how difficult is that ? If your parents, say, that isnt manners and they cannot do that, then tell them.. They would just call to humilate then, and you feel sorry for them and wouldnt want to listen to what happens ! You feel bad when you hear nonsense and so you request parents to NOT discuss what flowery words they got to hear from your ILs.

    It is like this, Kijo.. When people want to throw dirt at you, you keep a sheild which is going to protect you and may possibly return the dirt to their face.. But, if you stand there and dont take up the sheild because " they " maybe offended, then, you simply LEARN to digest the dirt ! It is either this or that. It is totally silly, to wait for the person throwing nonsense at you to become a saint !! You rather protect yourself than wait for reformation.

    You are giving way too importance to TOO MANY UNWANTED AND IRRELEVANT THINGS RIGHT NOW !
    Like what happened on your Marriage Day.
    What they spoke to your Mama and Chacha.
    About the cot they wanted ( when the whole dowry thing didnt matter much and was still given )
    About your hubby telling that your first night didnt happen there because there was no new cot and it would happen in YOUR house ( C'mon, he is being silly, why are you ? )
    About what your MIL said and the way you were treated that time.( It is a bygone, think how you DESERVE to be treated RIGHT and NOW )
    About your MIL " taking away things " from your house. ( Dont bother, just buy new ones )
    About your MIL telling you that it is her / her son's house ( Why do you even care what she says ! Just because she says, doesnt mean it is UNIVERSAL TRUTH ! Dont be naive )
    Your ILs not calling your parents ( C'mon, your parents are better off without these phone calls )
    Your hubby telling that he will cut ties with your parents ( Let him. You be in touch and dont even consider him )
    etc...

    Another thing that SHOCKED me was when you wrote this -
    he doesn't show interest in talking to my parents or sisters but i keep forcing n make him to talk to them.what will my sisters think?now will they respect my dh or inlaws??how odd it will look when we go to india??.
    Respect your ILs and hubby ? Can I ask you what happened to the respect your parents deserved ? That couldnt be handled right, then why are you so concerned about just this ?? Your ILs and hubby need to EARN respect themselves and not the way you think. Your parents did theri best and deserved respect, they didnt get it. Now, you bothered how they will respect these people ? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ??

    Things you need to really concentrate -
    For God's sake, kijo leave it behind that ONLY when you open up about what and all you went through to your hubby, you are going to feel at ease !

    You are in no state of mind, where you can handle the repurcussions of what could happen even if he listened and reacted. Yes ! You cannot handle things yet. Let us say, you opened your heart out. He listens, tells OK. Then what ? You going to feel worse that HE DOESNT CARE !
    if he is going to listen to you and simply starts to SHOUT, you are in NO state of mind to LISTEN. you will be horribly disappointed that HE STILL DOESNT CARE AND UNDERSTAND " !!
    Dont go to explain to him now. For now, STOP. Put a hold on your emotions. Change yourself from being meek and timid. Now, your MIL isnt around. It is the best time, to build a good relationship with your hubby.
    Either your MIL is around to not let you and your hubby to have a strong bond OR you hold on to the disgusting events and dont allow things to go fine ! WHY ?
    Instead, get cordial and build a strong relationship with your hubby. Forget what he talks to his mommy. You dont bother about it.
    You talk to him as a wife ! You cook and spend the best times with him. Dont and NEVER entertain any talks about his parents or yours. Just deviate when he talks too. Plan vacations, stop brooding ON AND ON about what happened on wedding day. Everyday is a holiday. Make it that special.

    When MIL calls, and commands you to make this and that.. Say FINE. WHo cares ? Just make something different and see if your hubby likes it. If she confronts you, simply say, Oh, I forgot, I shall make it the next time !

    Do not give her words UNDUE IMPORTANCE and her commands UNDUE ATTENTION. Live your life. Do not bring up any topic about anything except the two of you to your hubby.

    LIVE MARRIAGE ! You are thinking too many unnecessary things and that is what is leading you this breakdown and confused mind. Ok, Your hubby is someone with no decision making capacity.. and your MIL tells him what to do. Fair enough. Now what ?? You want to divorce him because he doesnt use his brains ? You are being horribly weak and very timid.. So, he will divorce you too ? Where are you both heading ?

    Just because he is like not showering you with respect infront of his parents now, doesnt mean he will never. You could always change him. Not with just love but, letting him know SLOWLY that SPOUSE NEEDS TO BE RESPECTED !

    He does make decisions at office isnt ? His mommy never calls him.. So, it is not that he is a moron. He knows what it takes to live life. Maybe he is just not able to chin up and talk to his mom. SO, CANT YOU ! Why blame only him.

    You dont have to do a favour to your parents by being in this marriage , Kijo ! You have to be in this marriage ONLY WHEN YOU FEEL YOU CAN HANDLE IT !
    Dont give up on yourself so soon. Try to bing changes in you and your husband.

    Not by asking him to not listen to his mom. But, by making him understand your presence. That is all you need to do.

    Things will fall in place soon. Take one baby step at a time and concentrate on JUST YOUR RELATIONSHIP with HUBBY. Forget everyone around. What your parents think or what your ILs thinkand do should be least important to you now.

    Dont be sensitve and just get frustrated.. It is just a vent, it a'int a solution. You have been frustrated enough.. Now is the time to ACT.

    P.S You can divorce and go back to your parents.. the what ? You will find another person and marry. What if that guy turns out to be a different problem than this ? You will again give up ?
    Instead work on this marriage.. If people dont know manners, YOU TEACH THEM. If your spouse doesnt know to to respect, YOU DEFINE IT !
    If people want to walk all over you, YOU TELL THEM ENOUGH, BACK OFF !
    Unless you want to be treated like a piece of dirt, NO ONE CAN ! Remember.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010
    2 people like this.
  5. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    kijo,

    It's hard to read your post.If you can edit,please edit and post as sections.
    The best revenge at this point is you get settled in your life,give exams and attend college and get good job and after that you don't have look back.For lot of marriges there are lot of troubles in the beginning.But once you established in marrige no one can touch you.
    Since you are medicine student you will have lot of weight eventually.For your parents the pround thing would be you finish youe exams and start doing your MS.If you fail to do then it will be more disgusting for them to take more crap from your in-laws.So think about it.Stop thinking about all those things and start focus on yourself and carrier and achive whatever you want in your life and stand on your legs.That will be eye opener for everyone.At this stage you can't do anything unless you have some weapon in your hand.That weapon will be your education.

    All the best.
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Kijo

    Best form of revenge in your case is.....Observe your MILs words and actions, never complain about your inlaws to your DH, STOP pushing/forcing him to talk to your parents/sisters...tell them that he is busy or what so ever...and best of all....Give that confidence and confirmation to your husband that you are on his side....you both are one team....doing this is going to be difficult after what all you have experienced since the marriage...however...talking /answering them back, or pushing them for respect wont do any good to you...rather your husband would run away from you more...towards his mom...

    So, if you feel upset, come to IL vent out your frustrations..But always be pleasant, understanding and try to make your husband happy...when he starts seeing you as HIS WIFE...not as a third person ...things would turn around....just be patient and work towards it..To bring or expect change in your husband, you need loads of patience...keep those past incidents aside, and try to get close with your husband...remind yourself about your goal...i.e getting your husband on your side...making him see that you are tehre for him and you both are one team....

    Leaving him or running away from him/this marriage, would do no good as its like you are giving your MIL what she wanted...i.e she wanted to prove that you are fit for nothing/ you are not good for her son...So ask yourself..do you want to prove her right??? or do you want to take it as a challenge and get her son i.e your husband on your side...

    Dont look at inlaws...look at husband...amongst all these fights usually this is what happens, you are so focused on the past, on the nasty incidents, keep getting angry and upset over the past, that those angry feelings are felt by the husband and he feels more alienated...

    For few weeks/months, dont ask your husband for any help...at the same time dont go out of your way to do things which you cant handle...slowly request your husband softly to give a hand in some chores...dont upfront do this infront of your inlaws...start when they are not around, make it like a habit for him, such that he feels bad if he doesnt help you enough!!

    Best of all...you have to start working or joining some group where you can take your mind off all the nasty past...be more cheerful, make yourself more appealing, attractive..
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. vimala1957

    vimala1957 Bronze IL'ite

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    i read every word of your post. I know how hurting it is . So many things make permanent deep painful scars in our hearts and are never forgettable. But then, one has to live. The way you cry every day is not living every day but dying every day.

    The fact is our social beliefs. You had so many red signals even before marriage, but you and your parents ignored them and I think one big reason would have been what will people and relatives say if the engagement is broken. But now that you are facing so much, which of the outsider you know can come and help you? It is a big mistake that you did not alert yourself when the red signals came.

    Anyways, what has happened can not be undone. You have to rise above these personal things and concentrate more on your studies, build up a career. because the way you describe your DH, he will never like to hear anything against his parents. I do not know how you say he is a good human being on one hand, and a person who never stood by you when you were being humiliated by his parents- I do not know why men have such double standards.

    You are educated, but you need some strength and moral support now. I am sure you have to develop it all by your self, as I cannot see anything coming from your DH or the family. List out your priorities- the first one I suggest would be your career. For this, you have to stand yourself, bring yourself out of the bad and painful memories, cover up the deep scars so painful, and set out for your exams and challenges more challenging than what you are facing now.

    You are the right person to decide on what you must do to achieve this goal of yours. But never forget the goal because that is only going to make you strong to face the balance of your life more confidently.

    So gear up to give your exams and promise yourself to live for yourself with dignity and love.
     
  8. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Please try to write in paragraphs it makes an easy read.

    I totally understand how painful it is when inlaws walk all over your life and dh is simple watching the show. But the only person you can ever change is YOU. Other than that you cant change anyone in this whole world.

    So dont look for ways to change your spineless husband or vicious inlaws. See how you can change yourself - become bold, confident and strong. When they talk bad about your parents tell them to STOP or IGNORE. Dont involve in a fight or dialogue. Just Say stop and leave the place. Or just look at them with a blank expression and pretend to be a wall.

    Tell DH, what your expectations are in marriage life and if he is not going to try to be a good dh, then rethinking about this marriage is the only way... this should shake him a little.

    goodluck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2010
  9. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Kijo,

    My story is exactly the same as yours. It's been 4 yeras of my marraige. we had cancelled the engagement becoz of my MIL behaviour but my FIL came backa dn begged us saying that his wife is uneducated and so and to forgive them and to get married to them. My parents were still against it but I was very much fascinated in marrying this guy I don;t know why. Now when I look back I feel so bad that I went against my parents forced them to get me married to this guy and now they are facing so much humilitaion becoz of me. BUt dear there is no point in cribbing and thinking about past. PAST IS PAST. There is no controll on future. just concentrate on present.few things you should keep in mind.
    1)Leaving nd divrocing your husband is in your hands you can do it whenever you want first just try to work the things out.
    2) The best way to take revenge with your MIL is by living happily with your DH. She should feel jelaous and she should feel bad taht he son is sooo close to you.
    3) About work Don't expect anything from him then you will be happy. and it will also make him close to you. Make him so dependant on you that he should not ba even able to think his life without you. Once you can do that then you have won half the battle.
    4) YOu said he does not interfere in your life right? so don't make him or force him to talkto your parents give him some space. My husband still does not talk to my parents I too feel bad. but I never let that spoil my relation with him.
    5) The best way to teach them a lesson is by concentarting on your career make your parents proud and be a good doctor.
    I know it is hard. The old things the abusive talks the sracsim talks and all. I faced all those dear. My DH initially used to talk lke your dh only saying see hwo my parents are how your parents are and all. MY inlaws still don't treat my parents nicely. I am still facing troubles but I ahve managed to change dh a lil in my favour. Your Mom is right having a lil patience is really good. Things willchange. For Me my Parents used to ask me to leave hima dn divorce him ando go back to them. But I stayed here saying myself that I"ll give some time for this marraige if it does not work out then I'll see.
    Kiju divorcing him nd marrying other person is not the soulution that other person may have other problems. You can never have a problem free life.
    don't divorce him and cry for your whole life about a abad marraige but stay here and make them cry your inlaws cry that how you have changed their son towards you. don't worry it will happen. All the best:thumbsup
     
  10. QUINCY

    QUINCY New IL'ite

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    Very sorry to hear about your story which is not so different from my story. You have your MBBS then why did you come to USA? Now you have realize that your dh and inlaws are worth for nothing. Hope you dont have kids. Why dont you divorce and go back? I'm trapped in this country and have kids. If you have problems in the early stage of marriage it will continue for ever. So better go out of this trouble. Go to india, do your P.G. marry a doctor and lead a new life. It happened to far relative a docot now married to a doctor after divorce and living happily. I alwys like to save marriages but after reading your story and the stress you undergoing its better to go to India.
    Good luck.
     
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