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Grandparents raising babies?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Selvi, May 22, 2007.

  1. Selvi

    Selvi Senior IL'ite

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    What do u ladies think abt grandparents raising the kids?? Im not talking abt
    the kids in India, there it is common to be raised with grandparents.

    But there are people here in US who leave their kids in India with the grandparents.

    I have been always against this and this thought became stronger from what I
    witnessed in flight this time on my way back to US.

    There was a baby girl travelling with grand parents were seated next to us.
    poor that little baby, she must be sround 6 or 7 months old. It looked like that
    it was first flight travel for the grandmom but not for granddad. I may be wrong here.

    My main concern was how they took care of the baby. They didnt have any extra diaper, they borrowed from me. All diapers were in checked in luggage.

    Baby was crying and crying on top of her lungs.. I can clearly see she was hungry. Grandpa is mixing the formula, but thats too hot..baby is crying even more. Tears rolling out and started having runny nose because of crying. Then she was soo sleepy with all the tiredness, started sleeping on grandma's shoulder itself. After she started sleeping for a while, they are trying to force the milk in her mouth. baby started screaming again. Grandma doesnt speak my language, I tried to help, but didnt work. I was playing peekaboo with the baby to distract her from crying.

    I m not pointing fingers at those poor grandparents for this. They would have raised their kids right of course. I dont have much experience in parenting either.

    But Im so angry at the parents of the baby. of course, there may be some convincing reasons to leave the kid with grandparents.

    But I have heard so many couples doing that just so that both can work here and save money, it doesnt sound right. Whats the point of having kids if one cant raise them? :idontgetit:
     
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  2. vidhyalakshmid

    vidhyalakshmid Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Selvi,
    You have started a nice discussion. I am totally against the raising of
    kids by grandparents. Both the parents may be earning money, but they
    are missing the precious time together with the baby, which cannot be
    compensated by money. Last month I travelled with my kid to India.
    It was very tiresome with the security procedures. At every airport they
    are checking the baby food and they never allow water to carry which I
    needed to prepare formula for the baby. Keeping and pacifying the baby
    is very hard during the air travel, even for parents. What the poor grandparents
    will do?
     
  3. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    dear selvi,
    I and my mother have practically raised all our siblings children, as they were working, and i having lost my hearing was at home as a housewife and my mother going through menopause with a lot of bleeding and had to rest because of that.
    i must say it is a wonderful experience though, if u love the children as such leave alone ur sister's or ur brother's. when we are at home and have our own kids so small as theirs, it is very easy to bring them together. may be the incident u mentioned the grandparents were not used to the diet and other things needed for the baby, but they are the best, for the simple reason, we as parents defenitely are always too strict where the kids are concerned.

    in our seriousness of the role of a parent we sometime forget to take it easy, whereas the grand parent is always who is experienced and relaxed, adu appadithaan.. maridum! dont worry, is the words of grand parents as they are experienced, it is only when the parent intervenes, no no idu koodadu or adu koodadu, then the grand parent is at a loss..

    my grandmother was ready with so many herbal treatment, like the child crying due to cramps in the stomach, immediately put it in a nice tub of water, and vasambu which is scraped on a stone and collected and applied around the navel, which gives relief. the child having indigestion, make some sorasam, the mixture of paan and omam and some garlic and tulasi, and give one tsp diluted, and so on...wish had all those as encyclopedia, would had helped our generations..

    even now the youngest of the lot my last sister's daughter celebrating birthday here with grandma, gave the first piece of cake to her rather than her parents, so due to unavoidable circumstances,working to maintain the living and the future of the child, brings the child to a grandparent it is more burden physically but other wise a wonderful reliving the grandmotherhood, is a pleasure anyday....though the parent have a right to bring up the kids and they should do so, i second ur opinion on that....
    with kind regards sundari kannan
     
  4. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Selvi,
    I can almost write a long article on this - I hope I don't end up doing that exactly.
    Now, three generations.
    My sister left for the U K in early 60's leaving her baby with my amma. Amma employed a servant mainly to run behind the baby & keep a watch on him - our Madurai house is very large. My mother was in her early 40's then.
    Next, mine. I became a grandmother in my early 40's too ( now don't start guessing my age!:tongue ). Both my grand daughters were born much before my menopause when I was very agile & healthy (read trim!). I had the luxury of a full time maid as well. So whenever my daughter went on holidays, the girls used to be under my care. I could manage effortlessly because, I had help in my maid.
    Now, when my grandsons were born to my DIL, I realised, I was finding it physically taxing, to cope up with a running child. The maid facility, call it luxury is no more there. Besides, I had started enjoying life in my own way, I did not want to be tied down by baby sitting. Thankfully my DIL was understanding.
    I think, after a certain age, say even 55, it is tough physically to take up baby sitting. Your reflexes do slow down, though mentally one may be alert.
    We can be around for moral support, period.
    Besides one has to have complete trust in the way, one's parent handles the child. It is very often different from one's own way of thinking. Frictions arise and unpleasantness results.
    In today's life, I personally think, a couple should bring a child into the world only with the confidence that they can bring up the child completely without depending on either side parents. I may be sounding rude; but when I see what some of my friends go through bringing up their grandchildren, I have arrived at this inevitable conclusion!
    Love,
    Chithra.
     
  5. maha

    maha Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I am against the injustice done by parents who prioritise money rather than their own child..Especially after leaving India, its awful that we find this common for dual income parents to leave their kids back in india, either with grandparents or in hostels..

    This is social injustice or even i can say as a crime of not bearing the responsibility for bringing up the child..

    Hope this changes...
     
  6. cheer

    cheer Silver IL'ite

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  7. vidraghav

    vidraghav New IL'ite

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    hi selvi,

    wonderful topic!!! Frankly speaking, it depends on the nature and type of the grandparents. I would definitely allow my kids being raised by my mom, but never by my in-laws. This is because, my mom is aware of the latest trends in the market, what to buy for kids, what not to, at the same time, she even knows to discipline the kids by teaching them morals that never die.

    But when it comes to in-laws, they are very old fashioned, extremely narrow minded and do not mingle well. I dont want my kids to be incompetent and isolated in this fast era. And when it comes to good morality, parents are always there to guide the kids. No good parents will teach the kids wrong lessons.But if the in-laws are both modern and orthodox according to the situation, then there is no problem with the kid being raised by either of the grandparents.
     
  8. Abha

    Abha Bronze IL'ite

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    Money Money Money

    what is this hunger for money ??? My Mother was a Teacher in Govt. school and she left her job to raise us, me and my sister. closing a door to a steady income isnt easy and that too a govt job in India... after being so educated, she still left the job. And believe me with one inome that my dad (a govt. employee) had we lived like any other normal family, havent missed out on anything in life, have the best values and education, and are very well placed, got married in a very respectful way....

    A Humble bringing up of child goes a long way in his life.

    So what exactly is it that we are looking for ??? PLANNING a baby is what its all about... that is why it is called PLANNING. Bring the baby to the world only if u can take care of him, why depend on ur parents or in laws to bring up the child... they are not getting any younger, and these are their years to relax and rest and u put the burden on them to raise ur kids... whole life they were raising u or ur husband and now UR kids tooo....

    if the kid doesnt turn up right, who's responsibility is it ? then parents will be the ones who will be suffering. All kids need is, time and attention ?

    i can really write lenghts on this, but will stop right here...

    ~Abha
     
  9. birraj

    birraj Senior IL'ite

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    Hi, Nice topic. Me to agree what everyone says, You should bring the child into this world if you can completely take care of them. In my case I planned it for my babay after 41/2 years. I enjoyed my life by working for 21/2 years. For me spend time with a kid is necessary than anything in the world.
     
  10. maha

    maha Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Abha,

    Whatever was running in my mind was exactly the response from u.....

    If the parents can bear the total responsibility ( not letting them out to some other person) of bringing up the child, its the time they must plan for a child..

    I have seen so many parents who live just to present themselves well off in the eyes of money-minded society...

    Parents are the real teachers for the child.. But now children only learn and inherit the characters of the nanny.. :oops: These kids which grow with nanny, often are well dressed, look financially sound,but,

    "THERE IS HUNGER FOR LOVE IN THEIR EYES"

    some of them when they become adults, turn out to be calm, introverts,often with a closed minds, but some are in real danger to their own family as well as the society..

    The reason for this is the change in people's priorities..A survey conducted about priorities of American Working Ladies revealed their preferences as,

    1. SEX & BEAUTY
    2. MONEY
    3. PROPERTY
    4. FAMILY
    5. KIDS

    The survey takers were much shocked to find kids becoming their least priority..

    JUST TURN THE PRIORITY LIST UPSIDE DOWN !!!!!!!!!

    Hope thats the list of most Indian women !!!!!!!!


    So parents, please give this a major thought,as this must be ur first priority atleast during the initial period of the child's growth.

     

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