Grandpa LBWed! Adi sheruppaala!!’ (Whack him with slippers! Effect lost in translation??) muttered Ranganatha Iyer as he watched Sehwag being caught out in slow motion action replay. ‘These buggers are good only for advertisements,’ he muttered in disgust while groping around for the remote control as continuous replay mauled his patriotic feelings. Watching cricket on a plasma TV was a treat but it did make Team India’s flop show larger than life! Bad enough when I watched India lose out on a 21” TV! These new-fangled gizmos make it worse… Pulling the remote control ( Are they so christened as they hide in the remotest places possible? ) from under the cushions, he started surfing channels. A coverage of the Miss World pageant caught his fancy. What shameless hussies! muttered, Ranganatha Iyer… How can they call this a coverage when young shameless girls hardly cover parts of their bodies? He chuckled at his dexerity with words! Still, jokes apart, this muster of emaciated peacocks set standards for beauty! He could not believe it. His idea of beauty was his wife Amudavalli- with all her dusky charm, her traditional buxom looks and madisaru podavai…. How he used to force her into wearing nine yards of saree when they were newly married, just to steal glances at the flash of her calves as she moved about in the house. It is what you don’t see that tantalizes you more than what is exhibited or flaunted, he felt. If he were in the panel of judges he would definitely give them the toughest question. How will you drape yourself in nine yards of material to bring out your beauty? That’ll floor these stick figured peacocks!” ‘Paati! Paati! Thatha is watching aamanathondi pondugal ( nude women ) on the TV!” His grandsons were yelling on top of their voices. SHHH...! The whole neighbourhood can hear you, he said as he hurriedly switched the TV off…but not before he encountered the blazing eyes of his 75 year old wife who declared… Kandraavi!! Kaadu vaa vaangaradu… Veedu po pongaradu… innuttum manushyanodu aashaya paaru! (rough translation… You are in the last innings of life, yet your yearnings have not subsided! Or something to that effect). Ranganathaiyer sighed. Innakku rathri rava kanji thaan!