Gossip Is The Name Of The Warning Bell, This Time!

I am Overwhelmed Ladies!

Most Gracious ILites,
When I started writing on this topic I did so with some kind of trepidation. I was not sure whether a topic like this will be well-received. And for my part it takes all the audacity in the world to write in an all-ladies forum about women gossipping. And you ILites have proved for the nth time that IL is a different community and it is one large family. You have also proclaimed to the world, that we ladies are ready to welcome any opportunity for introspection even if it is as uncomfortable as a male preaching against gossipping. I am proud of you, ladies. And I am proud that I belong to this community.
A few ideas to supplement. (Individual replies will come later. But honestly each one of your posts are complete lessons in itself that I dont think a reply will in any way do justice to your wonderful thinking).
Men do gossip and at times they are worse than ladies. A few years ago, I belonged to an international service organisation. We used to have weekly meetings. In every meeting people will be talking in groups of say, 3. The moment the third member walks away for charging his glass or plate, the remaining two will start talking about him. I had to resign my membership in sheer frustration.
Another point I wish to add is that Gossip enters our conversation even without our being aware of it. Even if we were to say,' My God, that lady is the biggest gossip in the town.' that itself amounts to gossip.
As somebody pointed out none of us are angels. We are all human beings born with all possible faults but of course with a potential for divinity. Let us realise this basic fact. Let's not fall into a saint or sinner syndrome. Let us realise our imperfections and try to improve our quality and our character every day.
One more idea I want to put before you is that many times a subtle feeling of jealousy is the root of all gossip. When we see a person who is a better specimen than ourselves, be it in the looks department or knowledge or whatever, there is an immediate urge to puncture that persons fame or name. And it gives raise to gossip.
Once my friend was talking about all the cinema actors and actresses. He deplored their immorality in very strong words.
He was a chartered accountant like me. Hearing his strong words of condemnation I had an idea forming in my mind.
I told him, agreed that cine actresses are immoral. But my dear friend, we are all moral and honest, because of the lack of opportunity. We are in an all-male profession (at that time CA was like that) and the only figures we see are those on the books of accounts.
But see the condition of cine artists. They have to work day and night standing close with the members of opposite sex. It is very difficult to be chaste under these circumstances.

As I clinched my arguments I told him, "My dear friend, I don't know about you. But I can talk for myself. Given the same set of opportunities which our friends in movies have, I will be at least twice as bad as they are."
The friend appeared dazed for a moment. But called me next day to tell that his comments on the cine-world's morality was more prompted by his jealousy. Very nice of him to have accepted that.

Just wanted to plant the thoughts in you all.
regards,
sridhar

 

Why Working Women is subject to gossip?

Hi Kanmani,
Gossip is independent of the gender though the world generally blames the women more for gossip. Before we dismiss this statement as prejudicial, we should observe one thing.
Gossip normally comes in when one cannot fill up the day with hours of productive work or creative pastime. In those days, I mean, several decades ago, women did not work and had much time to kill.
But now days have changed. In any house the woman, especially if she is a career-oriented person, has more work to do. Apart from her office work, she has to take care of children's education, manage peer-pressures at office and also put up a bold front before others. She simply does not have time to gossip.
But a multi-faceted working woman becomes easily the subject matter of gossip. Because she is highly empowered and others seeing her develop a mild tinge of jealousy and they try to vent out this feeling picking up on her.

Gossip affects our mental and physical health and robs our time as well. As you rightly said, let's put an end to it - here and now.
regards,
sridhar

 

What you are doing is right, Aishu!

Hi Aishu,

What you are doing is right. But let me just temper your views with my experience, of almost 23 years, in different types of work places.

We should understand the basic facts of the world. In any work situation a majority of the people love to gossip. Now you have the practice of saying strongly the defects right on the face of your team mates, what will happen is those gossip-mongers would team up against you. And though you hate gossip, you will become the subject matter of it.

I have heard an old sanskrit adage which says,
satyam bruuyaat, priyam bruyaat
na bruyaat satyam apriyam

The second line is very important. The first line is straight advice. Speak the truth. And talk sweet.
Second line says, dont say the truth which is unpleasant. That does not mean we should lie. Because the first dictate is to speak the truth.

With gossip we can do nothing; similarly, by saying right across the face that so and so is wrong, we can do nothing to change that person. Here we need some tact. Many persons are incapable of seeing the truth, of understanding it and of accepting it. So truth has to be given in small doses with a large sugar coating and at correct intervals. If you practise this not only you will be a popular team leader, your team will be the best in your company.
all the best,
sridhar

 

My topic now has the stamp of approval, Kamla!

Dear Kamla,
I left out the menfolk because this is not the forum to discuss that. And if we were to condemn all the menfolk ex parte (in their absence) that would again amount to gossip.

What you are saying about those associations is painfully true. The same thing happens in the various flat residents' associations as well. Nobody does any work; but gossiping is all time high.

Though I hate to gossip, I learnt one thing the hard way. When you are involved in activities like the associaitons and you have lot of friends, you cannot afford to be totally innocent. Without harming others or indulging in gossiping, one needs to have some kind of political skills to manouevere through the intricacies of complex human relationships.

I am happy and much relieved that this topic has met with your approval, Kamla.
Thanks for the participation.
regards,
sridhar