1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Good Friend

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by rya, Apr 24, 2024.

  1. rya

    rya Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    76
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    I am usually a personality where i wont have more friends. May be one or two may stay or again will be filtered to just one, depending on their qualities. I cant change myself, however i try. But recently, as years pass by, our years are adding up and i felt like i am missing to have one good friend. Friendship did not last in my life for some reason(s). For example, the friend might have back stabbed me, the friend might have gossiped or bad mouthed behind me, the friend might have failed to be true (that means, keeping me to help her in doing things) etc... As a result, i stopped having friends. But sometimes, i wonder why people who are coming to me as friends belong to specifically the categories that i described above. I am wondering whether i am doing any mistakes from my side. I feel that the mistake from my side is i expect the other person to be a perfectionist. My friends, can you give me some tips to improve myself ? People who have experience having long time friends, can you please give me suggestions?

    Thanks
     
    amulya2020 likes this.
    Loading...

  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    11,973
    Likes Received:
    12,823
    Trophy Points:
    615
    Gender:
    Male
    I guess people born on dates 4, 13, 22, 31 are invariably find they hardly able to convert acquaintances into strong friendship. I hv several bosom friends whose date of birth fall on any date in a calendar. It could be becaz i am born under sun sign number one.
    I would suggest a read of numerology by Cheiro would throw up solutions and remedies for your plight of not finding long lasting friends.
     
  3. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    85
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    You have actually echoed my thoughts…

    Since childhood I was never interested in drama or gossips or following up latest fashion or grooming or not much girly discussion’s. In general also never had friend whom I can say best friend.

    In my life time I could only soulfully accept and connect with 2 people. Unfortunately, one is no more and other is my ex, with whom I can’t be in touch.

    Have good friends in boys and brothers but things changed once they are married, can’t call whenever I want or they busy with their life too and it’s completely understandable. And we won’t able to share specific things or things related to in-laws or don’t understand little emotional things related to hubby etc from a girl stand point which I don’t want to share to my parents and make them worry.

    Sometimes I feel lonely, because I really want to have someone to freely share what ever going during bad and during tough times.

    Friends(girls) are there but mostly busy with their regular schedule with house work, job and even due to time differences not able to connect to old friends.

    Because DH very quiet enjoys my company only when I’m happy, active but doesn’t seem to care when in low, doesn’t listen on top of it irritates me even more. His nature makes me think twice before inviting anyone or others don’t easily consider inviting us as family.

    Overall I’m friendly but cannot become too close easily. Like how easily I can share happy things, can’t share the unhappy moments. May be I fear they might judge be and treat me differently. If I become close and if they don’t treat me well at any point of time. I can’t take it. I wonder how few people who are not so welcoming or are very quiet too, whom I think can’t have friends also have close friends. This really makes me question what I’m missing.. or how to get one. What are the things important for lifetime friendships?
     
    wish4miracle, rya and Thyagarajan like this.
  4. rya

    rya Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    441
    Likes Received:
    76
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    In my lifetime i have seen only fake people around. So i stopped having friends. As the proverb says It is better to be alone than with fake people around.
     
    anika987 and amulya2020 like this.
  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    11,973
    Likes Received:
    12,823
    Trophy Points:
    615
    Gender:
    Male
    U got to be more of an extrovert. Trust begets trust. It is not necessary u got to be on same wavelength as your friend to be. Extend Helping hand as and when it is necessary. Dont be looking for reciprocation. Believe every other person in some way would be helpful if not now but in yhr long run. Be genuine in your amiship. Never talk ill of another person to your friend. If others talk ill of a third person do not encourage and deflect the conversation to some other subject. Dont try to befriend enemies enemy! Be kind and generous to all including their pets. Never tell your woes to new friends. Share personal issues only with bosom friends who emphatise with you and suggest solutions. Believe in enlarging friends' circle & try learn as much positives as possible from friends. But sound advise seem to be *not to be too close with neighbours*
    God Bless.
     
    anika987 and amulya2020 like this.
  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,053
    Likes Received:
    20,939
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    If am not wrong..maybe you are in abroad.This is quite a common problem.Even I faced that..
    But now I have many hobbies to
    Keep me occupied.

    Some things I understood:

    1) We seek out friendships like school days or college days.It won’t always happen

    2) People are busy or they have their own circle.

    4) All those people in big groups..many might have smaller groups within that circle.One can have an amicable relationship with others but we cannot be best or even good friend to everyone.Groups also comes with lot of drama and stress.

    5) We need to be clear on what we want.I think maybe u could be am ambivert.Extroverts find it easy to make friends without non attachments and introverts don’t care.Ambiverts need people that too according to certain standards which is not wrong and also boundaries.

    6) I am happy with acquaintances now coz I don’t have the mental or physical energy to maintain friendships and if it happens organically great else also okay.

    All these are completely my opinions and not generalizing it.
     
    gknew, amulya2020 and Thyagarajan like this.
  7. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    85
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    That’s right. Im thinking that might be one of the reason. May be I’m expecting people to be too nice/ perfect and behave same in all situations. If I keep so many filters and barriers may be it is difficult to find one or there would be no one as such. Even with genuine ones, because situations place a role, or they might be in a good mood to react certain way all the time, people change/ grow with time and we might see change in their behavior. Which not certainly be towards us but in general.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  8. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    85
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Feels like the suggestion is coming from lot of experience. That’s right, I second the thought of people might be helpful one or the other way. Now I’m thinking at least to have cordial relation with everyone.

    Haha, thanks for the extra pro tip at last :sweatsmile:
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  9. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    85
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for giving other perspective as well. Yes, there are much community people around and hence these thoughts. May if I have too may people around I will be worrying about groups and etc… surely, these suggestions are helpful!
     
    anika987 and Thyagarajan like this.
  10. pawarju

    pawarju Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    171
    Likes Received:
    41
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Friends - you have to carful and check before make one and its easy to END any friendship... But the tough part is MAINTAINING friendship..
    I have friends who demands my time and i try my level best to give time but still iam in loss
     
    anika987 and Thyagarajan like this.

Share This Page