Going through a separation period - how does one deal with it?

1. Donot badmouth your husband.
2. Do some constructive analysis
3. Wait for a turnaround- some men are worser.

 

Hi dear

sorry to hear about your story.
I separated from my husband 2 years before and i can totally understand what you are going through.
believe me this time too shall pass and later on you will feel relief.
do not worry about society , where was society when you were going through a hard time with your husband?
you do not need to prove yourself to anyone , you only need to prove yourself to you and only you.
your life is your journey once you will take responsibility of your life , everyone will keep their mouth shut.
it is better not to be with people who hurts your emotions.

 

..........................

 

Dear Friend,
You are going through the normal process of self analysis, soon you will bounce back and turn into a new person.
Whether you file for divorce or not you have to bring in changes in yourself , we cannot change others only ourselves. This change has to be positive so that there are no repeats of previous incidents.
If a DW is working/studying then she will acquire her own social circle.
Please join some hobby classes, gym, visit parks , take walks or volunteer so that you spend a few hours away from home and start making a new life.
Your Mom is just airing her concerns for you thats all.
In case of separation the man continues with his routine and carries on with his life as he stays in his own house, has a job and waits for the DW to return and apologise.
The wife has to face major upheaval and be roofless , depend on others for everyday things for self and kids while H leads a free bachelor life.
You have to make fresh beginning with or without H , sooner the better.

 

Hi dear,

I am feeling really bad for you.though i am new to this forum and this is the first time i have got to read about you,as u have mentioned above that you have shared your condition earlier too..

First of all,i want to say one thing to u,dat u can trust me and see me as a trustworthy friend.A friend who can understand you,who can understand your feelings,and your pain..i wish i could give you a warm hug..because you rightly said..family k alwa ek bhi aisa insaan nhi h jo mujhe smjh ske..and i too feel the same..family is part of you..they will alws support you but sometimes for your confidence you need someone else out of your famly..i don't know if my words would be able to make you realize that i can be your gud frnd. Now the decision is all yours.

now if i talk abut your life,situation..then m not the one who has gone through this situation in life..but still i can understand...being a women..i know how do you feel...thinking abut yourself,abut you life is not at all wrong..its necessary,according to me.if you are not happy,how can you keep your husband and child happy...if you are not alive,,your relationship is already dead. you should take care of yourself first and you gott to be strong enough to take the right decision.

its very difficult,but not impossible...it might take time for you to understand your life and its strategy but once you understnd you will be able to take it. i dont know if i am making sense to you or not..but i know you can do it..if you have given every try to save your marraige..den give a try to your own life now..and be strong..do whatever you like to do...go for shopping..treat your slf wid your favrt dish...cook something good for your parents..laugh out wid your child and your parents...go out..spend sometime with nature...do be afraid of spending time alone...i know dats d time when you get all the negitive thoughts,,,but if you are not able to tackle that time,,den it would be hard for you to live even. coz u can be happy with yourself,then no 1 can keep you happy.

please excuse me if i have said something which is irrelevant to you..these were just my thoughts,,thought of sharing wid you..coz i found out 2 common thing between us 1) giving 100% to your marriage.
2) tears are rolling down while writing this.(your statement).i could so relate to you coz whenever i write my heart out..i feel the same..and that's why i said i can understand you,because i know when does it happen.

Regards,

 

Your location says United States.

Are you filing for divorce in US or India?
What do you expect from spouse for your child? Child support etc.?
Can you both mutually agree for divorce for the benefit of child?

His badmouthing about you to common friend(s) shows his poor character and weakness. No worries regarding that. All of them will not abandon you. Do not counter your husband by badmouthing about him. You don't need to.

It takes far more courage to say and act on - "Hey, this marriage is not working out for me. Perhaps, I can make the most out of life without this marriage.". While you are going through worst of your emotions, these are one time feelings and you will be done with once for all. Be thankful that you have the support of your parents.

Please take care of your health and appearance. Gain confidence about yourself. Do not go through divorce process with an intention to take revenge on your ex-husband. Instead focus your energy on your self. Look ahead and find a new, better and compatible partner this time around.

 

Hugs to you my dear. What if i don't know you personally, you can count on me.

I know this is a very difficult phase for you, coz I have and still going through this phase. i will tell you some of my strategies which worked for me.

1. Don't keep on dwelling as to why this happened and stuff like that. It's of no use. On the contrary it will make you depressed. Whats happened can't be undone. As they say yesterday was history, today is your present and again tomorrow is a mystery. So live in day tight compartments and make each day happy by doing your best in whatever you do. i mean don't spoil your present.

2. I found this very liberating. Earlier I used to curse my ex as to why he spoiled my life. Then I thought that he was that way since beginning, it was my mistake that i got associated with him. he must be a devilish person prior to marriage also, but why I brought him into my life. So I am bound to experience pain. It was my bad luck. i am responsible for my plight. Hope I am making sense?

3. be occupied and busy. other than your work, do something which makes you happy. it could be anything my dear.but do it daily- gardening, helping someone, reading, blogging. Get busy with your kid.

4. And don't get bogged down by thinking that what will happen after your parents. God has send you alone in this world and you will go alone. Our existence in this universe doesn't depend on anyone. people have survived and will survive without anyone. At least you are lucky enough that you have an internet connection. millions of women in India have to think about their next meal.

5.Thank God that you are free from the clutches of your wicked husband who made your life hell. “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

6.Last but not the least, It's quite normal to feel sad and lonely when you see happy couples, but always remember now you have nothing to lose. Start focusing on what you have to gain.

All the best and feel free to vent. :thumbsup

 

Dear desilady13,

I have been through all these "all alone". Nothing can substitute this loss. I would call it fate. Try looking at the big picture rather. Its more than 3 years now. I am much more better than I was past year. I regained peace through being spiritual, silence.


Out of sight is out of mind. Please don't keep anything around you that will trigger old memories. I did not anyone's pity on me including my friends. It's purely a personal thing and I would let them know if there is any genuine intention. No one would understand what I went through and i do not want to go to justification mode. Moreover everyone has their own life to take care.


You will take your own time to get there where you will accept and move on. The mind wavering is ought to be there and unfortunately nobody can help, its just you who can help. The stress of what would be my future is bound to be there.


I don't know to tell you what you should be doing but these are the things you shouldn't do - skipping meals, unplanned leaves at office, back logs in baby care, forgetting to pay bills, avoiding prayers, keeping the house untidy and mising schedules.


Divert your complete attention towards the child. If the marriage is irretrievably broken down, its broken down. There is no use crying over split milk. Whatever it is, the If something is to happen, it will happen. What we could do is face it head-on.


This community has seen worst of the worst cases and people have gained lots of mental peace. I bet you going to be far better than you are today in next couple of months. May God Bless you !