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Gift matters!!!:-)

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by BerryPine, May 12, 2013.

  1. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    I was living abroad till last year since my wedding,missed hell lots of family functions and friends weddings.
    One of my good friend(Y) stopped talking to me for two reasons.

    1.I dint gift her anything(I sent money to my Z friend(male) to get gift for Y from "this" shop "that" product as i already checked via internet and transferred him the money.
    We are a group of friends,where few already got married and left and so there has been shortage of money for Y wedding gift,so Z put "my" gift money altogether and has bought a common gift and gifted her.Which he dint inform me.I came to know from his friend.I was angry,but coulndt do anything just felt I have contributed and I can give Y a personal gift when I visit India.)

    2.I dnt meet her after her wedding during my vacations(visited India and called her to meet in person all she said was she is busy all the days and she will try to meet.I dint force her because she was living with in-laws.My vacations will be for just 2 weeks and so I couldnt meet her anytime and flew back.)

    Though I called her and wished her before and after wedding and expressed her how badly I missed her wedding.But still She gradually stopped responding my emails.And then she dint even informed me about her pregnancy,but I congratulate her.Spoke to her husband after her delivery.I totally forgot about the "gift" part.

    After my delivery my DH mailed all my friends about the good news,she dint bother to wish me or my family.
    And today I was talking to my close friend and she told me those reasons.I was totally shocked-surprised and felt guilty for having her gift though i lost it in a long bike ride soon after my wedding.

    She could have asked me "hey monkey where is the gift????",but she has silently developed a sort of antipathy towards me.

    Do I need her back?? I dont know,but for sure I should send her some gift now,right NOW!:confused2:

    This may sound silly,I am feeling so bad.It has been 4+ years and I never thought gift would be so important,even it can break the FRIENDSHIP. lol;-) I think I need to grow up.:hide:

    Any similar experiences??:bonk
     
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  2. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't think any real friend would crib about not getting a wedding gift! Strange.
    She has already moved on , avoided meeting you, made excuses, did not wish you on LO's arrival.
    She has broken the friendship long back, don't be needy.
    You did send a gift, your name must have been included in the list by your friend.
    Maybe she wanted a phoren gift?

    She has moved on , you should do the same.
     
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  3. shiltalks

    shiltalks Silver IL'ite

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    Actually, it's your friend who needs to grow up!!! What kind of friend is she that she couldn't wish you after the birth of your child??!!
    It's time for you to move one! I am sure she is not wasting any time thinking of you!
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2013
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  4. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Yeah,I have already stopped mailing or tryin contacting her.But that reason took a ride on me.Now am feeling good.Thank you:)
     
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  5. BerryPine

    BerryPine Gold IL'ite

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    Yes yes,Not wasting time for her in anyways.Thank you for your reply:)
     
  6. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    Berry

    For some people, Gifts are very important. For them it is " If I gift her something worth Rs.100, then I should get a gift from her atleast worth Rs 100". It is basically a give and take.

    Now I am assuming you got married first. Did she gift you separately at your wedding or it was a common gift by all the friends? Now don't get me wrong here, but I am just putting myself in her shoes and thinking. When your friend Z combined the money, I think what she got was not what she expected. She was expecting individual gifts from friends so that it was worth her money ( meaning she was expecting more or atleast the equal value gift when she had gifted you or any of your other friends at the time of your or their marriages)

    For e.g Say she gifted you gift worth 100 Rs, Now you transferred 100 Rs or more than that to Z, but what he did was add up all the money and buy the gift. He may have bought worth just 200. So maybe she was disappointed. She is thinking " I bought them individual gifts and these people are acting cheap by giving me just 1 gift". I know this sounds weird. Money or Gift should not come between friends but you know it is how it is for some people.

    Did you? I think you did not.

    Why couldn't YOU visit her instead of calling her to meet in person? Maybe she said she is busy because she was upset about the wedding gift. Maybe you could have gone to her place with a gift just from you. Wouldn't that have been nice?

    Maybe or Maybe not. If you were in her place, would you ask? Maybe or maybe not. I don't know how deep "was" your friendship with her but some people don't ask for gifts. For them it is a social thing and it is"understood" that we have to gift. maybe she is one of them. I don't know. You are a better judge.

    I don't know if you need to grow up or her or you both need to grow up. I somehow feel you started this thread to have some validation from IL members here that what you did was right. Fortunately for you the members before me did that validation. I am saying this because this happened 4 yrs back. But I am just thinking putting myself in her shoes. I don't know if I validated your thread. But hey it is just me. Now I think it is too late to think about all this. Bygones are Bygones.
     
  7. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    Having said that I think you should move on, I think she should have told you openly about the incident rather than you finding out from your other friend.
     

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