Getting Vexed Over Small Stuff..help!

MindVoice · Oct 3, 2016

YoGirl said: ↑

b preapared for next phase of mommy life where kids become picky eaters n boldly tell what they want to eat, wear,go n throw tantrums. Chill !!
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that gives me some perspective!
I am laughing reading your post, @YoGirl thank you

YoGirl said: ↑

dads seem to get ample free time to spend more time on office work, use mobile phone n watch all the series on netflix or sports. It irritates me still when i am slogging in kitchen n my kid keeps shouting from hall that she needs water...and there my H sitting right beside her n telling her to ask mommy for water...arghhh!!
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precisely my itch.. even on days when I am running around trying to get things done without caring for my needs - which are also now relegated to a strict schedule (I mean bath etc) DH relaxes after a long day at work self righteously ?! I am torn between feeling he needs some relaxation too and prodding him to share with housework, I need some relaxation too..
We actually have these I-have-it-harder- than-you half-joking debates

Very confusing.. am I asking for too much when I ask my husband to share with chores as well when he does help in other ways too?

Gym with nursery is something I must check out, @JGVR didn't even know such things existed! We do have an in-apartment gym.. but I dunno how to use with a busy toddler in tow..

@guesshoo I like your perspective about husbands n chores.. hmmm. Sleep training..should find some way to convince DH..he is willing to suffer ?!!! And this again leads to those I-have-it-harder-than-you debates..

@anika987 am in US, h4 so no job..really feel that would have made a big difference...hmmm but even otherwise I'm struggling to get social with all these undone stuff..
Parents can't come, and having in laws would make things easier only for DH, not really for me.. it will be handing over the baby in order to stay married to the kitchen..I don't want that - anyway it will happen soon enough..
Shopping, going out... Thanks for pointing these out.. I've been living without these too long.. we do go out occasionally.. but I guess I need more social interaction..

Looks like I need to talk a lot to DH.. and again where is the time for that?!!

MindVoice · Oct 9, 2016

Things seemed to be getting better despite occasional outbursts.. but I've had a major setback today and have been crying all day. DH is worn out perplexed after trying to be supportive the whole week..
I'm trying to become rational but everything is spinning out of control... all my resentment and frustration are gripping me tight, and I'm unable to look at anything positive try that I might.
I am having all kinds of negative impulses but holding back with whatever rationality I'm capable of.
I sure need help, but I cant bring myself to depress my family again - its 5 o'clock in India!!!
I dont know whom to turn to or what to do. Maybe I need counseling but I have no money..and would getting counseling make me mentally unfit legally to take care of my child, in worst of the worst of the worst scenarios?
Oh god I'm spiralling out of control again..

guesshoo · Oct 9, 2016

Hugs again, my dear. Post partum blues are real. So do talk to your doctor about it. Getting counselling or even Meds will not make you unfit to take care of your child. However letting the negativity spiral out of control is dangerous. If the doctor prescribes counselling, then you need it regardless of cost. Check if your insurance will pitch in.

Can some family member come to you to give you a break? Or can your husband take a week off? Can you get an experienced nanny to give you a hand for a few hours a day? Do you have friends who might be able to come over and give you a hand on a rota basis every day? It might feel odd to ask but it is a life saver. Take all the help you can possibly get.

It's great that your husband has been supportico but do ask him to read up about postpartum blues so he can support you better.

No amount of telling you to randomly "giddy up" is going to help. Its much like how one wouldn't just ask someone to snap out of diabetes, just because the spouse is big supportive. It needs professional care - perhaps medicines, perhaps CBT, perhaps talk therapy, perhaps lots more support, peraps walking and exercises or perhaps merely a holiday.

Let the professionals handle it. It is extremely important. It might cost money but dont sweat it. You need this for your well being. You can earn more money later. Dont lose your health over it.

Don't delay it darling. Hope you feel better soon. My thoughts are with you

MindVoice · Oct 13, 2016

Thanks @guesshoo..
Can it be postpartum blues after a year ?

I was about to reach out to a doctor, but after a long talk with my best friend and family, I'm feeling better.. I can't really place why because I actually started 'giddying up' even before I spoke to them.. read a few marital counseling stuff..
I'm not sure if this is a phase or something more.. but after the vent talks and being listened to, I feel more in charge, and that I need to take care of my situation.
I don't know how to tell my spouse that I need to see a doctor 'cause I'm really upset ???!

Some reflection has shown me that the trivial things that upset me are actually just the tipping point, and I should work on my underlying issues and resentments. I'm pretty clueless dealing with them. I suppose this is reason enough to see a good therapist.. but again, that vague hesitation about how to tell it to my husband ??
I'm starting to work on what I can do. I'm starting a positivity/gratitude journal..may even join the positivity thread here..
Since I have a lot of issues, (or at least feel like I do), I am thinking of dealing with them as they come..
I've identified a couple of contributing thoughts/emotions to my quicksand - self pity, believing I'm stuck, focusing on spouse instead of myself, and not being able to be happy in and of myself - even if spouse is grumpy.
Now that I'm aware, I'm trying - finding and adopting ways and means to overcome them.

Sorry about the long post. I don't understand why, but I felt like sharing.

Ragavisang · Oct 14, 2016

Hey Mindvoice,

Just hang in there and everything will be ok. If possible , bring one of your family members from India. Your post shows (for me) you need some one to understand you and love you unconditionally...lookslike your hubby is helping you around the house but I guess he needs to cherish you more and give you the assurance that he loves you more.Take a break from your routiene, have a strong mindset that nothing not even a messy dining area can block your inner peace. Have a smiling face or pretend to have a smiley face ... who cares.. You should be happy no matter what. If possible do breathing exercise or watch those kinds of vids in youtube. Be greatful for what you have in life. Keep your inner child happy no matter what. If you could afford hire a maid service once in 15 days or a month to clean up the house. You are allowed to watch cartoon movies too baby. Try to feel positive, if you can't then watch feel good movies when ever you can . Hugs to you.

guesshoo · Oct 14, 2016

I'm glad you feel better after talking to your friend.

Yes. Post partum partym low mood could last for over a year if it isn't taken care of. I once went to my doctor for anxiety and low mood when my child was over 2 and she said it could be linked to miid changes post partum which I'd possibly been brushing under the carpet. It was mild but there nevertheless.

You do need to open up to your husband my dear. In case you feel he isn't going to be very supportive of you visiting the doctor, tell him you are miserable and want to see a health care professional. And go alone. Then explain to him what's going on after you've been about to unburden yourself to the doctor.

Remember it is not your fault or something lacking in you. You need medical advice and you are getting it. If you aren't comfortable discussing it with him, don't. Give an outline and inform him.

And you do need your sleep, my dear. It is harrowing without that. It ripped my family apart and sleep training magically pulled it back together. And I'm not exaggerating. Xx

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Getting Vexed Over Small Stuff..help!

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