1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Getting Married To An Only Son? Pros And Cons?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Needtobestrong, Feb 6, 2021.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,259
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    We are looking for matches for my cousin who is of marriageable age..she is very pretty and intelligent girl, brought up in a very pampered way by parents and she is rather soft and silent and innocent type so we are a little cautious in seeing the matches ...got an alliance from extended family circle through known friends and family connections...
    They’ve spoken on phone and met once..of course due to Covid it’s more of video calls and chats. She needs to take a decision soon, in general she kind of likes the guy..
    But one thing to mention is that he is the only child and only son of his parents, he doesn’t have siblings.
    This is something which our family elders were discussing, like pros and cons of marrying an only son.
    What I feel-
    PROS
    1. No property disputes. The entire property of in laws will come to only son. No one else has a share.
    So if in laws financially good it’s a good sign for future as their properties can be managed by son and DIL
    2. No irritating SILs, BILs, CO sisters etc for my cousin to deal with..quiet a few ladies in my family circle had a bad experience due to interfering SIL and bitchy co sisters, so they feel this as advantage.
    3. In-laws may be pre disposed to treat the DIL nicely as in future they’ll be dependant on only son and DIL to look after..they don’t have other children to go to.
    4. For working DIL, child care is not an issue as in laws would mostly be available to look after son’s baby or babies and help with delivery as they won’t have other commitments..they maybe able to look after kids full time if in joint family..they would be obligated to help with childcare as they have only son.
    5. The in laws are more likely to provide financial support to son and DIL when need arises as they won’t have other commitment like marrying off daughter or other kids education etc...would spend more on sons education and make him study in top university and top course as their finances dont have to be divided among other children...
    6. No stupid comparison with SIL or co sister as they don’t exist at all..
    CONs
    1. In laws will stay with the couple long duration or permanently..no other kids to go to..can be a scary thing if they’re difficult to live with.
    2. If they’re unwell seriously or very old and dependant, the son and DIL only need to look after. No one else to share responsibilities..
    3. In laws will be very possessive about only son and would interfere and cause issues in married life.
    4. If financially dependant in future , son and DIL have to take care of all expense.

    Now it’s upto my cousin to take a decision based on overall liking for the boy and his family background...
    She is close to me hence the concern.
    Those who are married to an only son or getting married or know someone married to an only son, pls share your thoughts..
     
    Loading...

  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,946
    Likes Received:
    5,073
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    My father is the only son but he had 6 sisters at the time of my parents marriage. The main thing to be prepared for is that all the in-laws care will fall on your shoulders. If they decide to stay with you then you will never get a break. My grandparents did go to visit their daughters but only for short periods of time.
    My grandparents also did not have much assets of their own left after marrying off 6 daughters, so my father had to assume all their expenses. Back in the old India that was a significant financial commitment. Today people earn a lot better so supporting parents is easier. But you will need to plan for their old age and if they develop medical issues that involve a lot of doctor visits etc. Again having the means to hire help will be a tremendous advantage.
    My mother was a very accommodating type and would not protest too much. But my father always supported her fully and everyone knew they could not treat her badly. If you have a mama’s boy it can become very difficult as it will feel as if they are all ganging up on you if things go wrong.
    That said, no one has a crystal ball. Make sure you do the due diligence but I wouldn’t rule out an alliance merely for this one fact.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,123
    Likes Received:
    1,259
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for your feedback..
    He doesn’t have siblings..only child and only son.
    They’re settled in India and boy is also in India working in different city.
    His parents get govt pension and few medical benefits post retirement I think...
    He maybe a mamas boy , no idea how to find that out.
     
  4. Tryinghard2013

    Tryinghard2013 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    I have a personal experience that the relationship with inlaws gets uncomfortable as they too involved in the kids life and can’t let go. Too possessive and controlling. And I know all the property comes to the son but what the use of all ur youth goes into cribbing, crying etc
     
    Needtobestrong and Hopikrishnan like this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,558
    Likes Received:
    11,005
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Only son..they could get possessive..but that does not mean the marriage won't work and he will be a "momma's boy".

    If we empathize..just like how we girls are brought up by our parents with lot of love,similarly..the boy's parents have also brought up their son with so much care. Especially for a single child..they mean the world to the parents.

    Women tend to get naturally possessive. especially after so many years, when another girl comes into her son's life.

    If the dil is matured enough to understand the insecurity of a mother...and the mil is basically a good person but possessive..surely feel with little bit of work, communication..the family life can be made beautiful.

    Be it one or two sons..problems always arise in every families.ego's will clash so single or two does not matter in most cases.

    Are they going to live in a nuclear family or joint family?

    Also..apart from single or two sons..firstly the guy and girl should really like each other plus the families also.marriage is not between the guy and girl but between two families.

    So..problems will arise in any marriage..it depends on each one's attitude.
     
  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,112
    Likes Received:
    6,062
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    Your pros outweigh your cons , in such situations decision making is easier. Where there is more weightage you lean towards that Side .

    Whether the child is single or has siblings, whether it's son or daughter , taking care of parents in old age is a choice one has to make depending on the convenient factor. Old age homes are an option if the old couple are comfortable going there. A cousin in this scenario (husband is the only son) used to stay with in laws. Middle age crisis hit her and she couldn't get along very well with in laws and somehow she n hubby moved to a different city on the pretext of better job opportunity. The old couple stay by themselves in another city.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    701
    Likes Received:
    767
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    [​IMG]
    Long stick and a distant carrot <=== as a counter point of view makes that not a "pro".
    Only Child Syndrome: Characteristics and If It’s Real
    The years of couples having small families has made one/two kids the norm for many couples ~ 30 years ago. And now we have many one-child or two-kids families. When there is only one child, and that too a male child, would that grow up with a princeling mindset ? Always win his way in whatever ? The job that the one-son holds, and how he deals with disappointments/failures outside the home would be so-telling in what sort of a personality he is.

    Good luck to OP's "very pretty and intelligent girl, rather soft and silent and innocent type, brought up in a very pampered way by parents" cousin. So many descriptors make one wonder if that child is battle-ready?
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2021
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  8. Sweety2019

    Sweety2019 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    107
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,
    There is no pros and cons for a single child..the struggles are the same.
    1. No property issues: not very true..depends on the family dynamics. There is a possibility that they would get the property only when both parents pass. Which might be when the couple is old.
    2. This again depends on families.there is always a couple in the family for competition. Cousins as well.
    3. Not really trust me. If they have an indian mindset DIL will not be treated like the queen you expect. The son will take care of the parents irrespective.
    4.again not true. Being a working DIL a small task missed on a certain day has gone to husband's ear and created arguments. Don't have expectations.
    5.there is nothing like a financial help. It depends on how wealthy the family is. Being the son he would be asked to spend, as he is the son, simple.
    6. No competing with sil but depends on the mil. There will be times where mil will start competing and you would be left wondering why!
    All the cons mentioned are true.

    Now coming to my opinion: instead of seeing the alliance as a single child or with siblings see it this way.
    1. Is the girl single child as well. When Both are single they will not understand the concept of sharing.
    b. Both will be possessive about their parents. So ego clashes will occur.
    c. When the parents of both party are old then who will take care of whose parents will arise.
    2. Next to see is how open the parents are:
    a. Has the guy ever lived alone for education? Or is he and his family willing to let him stay alone.
    b. Is he someone who can support wife when she needs or someone who says you will have to adjust.
    c. Does he have ambitions for the long run in life and finances? Most time only sons have this logic everything will come to them so why should they work. So they might not really look to much into future to work hard.
    d. Has he grown up doing chores around the house.. normally mother's of sons don't let them do and praise them for the smallest thing they do to boost ego which might hinder as the couple tries to adjust.
    e. How was his and her upbringing. Small cultural things, and religious beliefs do create conflict.

    There are so many many things I can say that might be a long list to check. But one thing that all of us married (men or women) know that people change. Situations change.

    Everything Depends on the couple's compatibility. Even after seeing 2000 things from the checklist one thing missed might affect the whole marriage..

    There are no pros and cons in an alliance. Only expectations, which noone can predict.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  9. drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Be ready for the responsibilities..in case of an only son..The insecurities are more..Whatever b the pros but what you have to consider is ..is she ready for the responsibilities and to handle the insecurities of the parents. That will decide whether she wants to b in this alliance or not. No oldage home is not an option in a society and culture like India.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,462
    Likes Received:
    3,067
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Is she employed? That will give her a breathing space. If she go with proposal, she should be ready to take up all the responsibility comes with it. Also no expectations. Anyway please do a background check before proceeding with any proposal.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.

Share This Page