Get Out Of Comfort Zone And Make Friends

mangaii · Mar 4, 2024

I have been really busy all these years and post Covid my buddies moved out of state and I’m currently friendless. I’m finding it hard to make new friends and seem to be cooped at home in weekend with nothing to do other than usual . I’m at point I’m worried about my social circle and feels like I’m non-existent. Worst part I’m not even making any effort . Any suggestions to make friends at this stage in life ?

JeniFlora · Mar 4, 2024

Hi Mangaii,

I am not much aware of your age and background where you live etc. But wherever you live, flat or individual house, you can spend some time in the terrace or car parking in the morning or evening time so that you can get some chance to meet some Neighbours. Gradually you can talk with them. This is one of the way to get friends.

with the above-mentioned way, now I have many friends who are always my stress busters, we do shopping and travel together, always chit chat and vent out.

I prefer to have face to face friends that social media friends / online friends.

Also on weekends, i prefer to go to library / park. while doing this regularly you will get a chance to meet some regular visitors and get a chance to mingle with many.

Just 2 cents from my side.

Jeni....

Srama · Mar 4, 2024

Dear @mangaii ,

Wonderful to see you on your journey of improvement. Let me tell you this first, sometimes even when we have friends if friends are going through something by themselves, we may feel friendless.

That said, as cliche as it sounds look for groups around you based on what you like.

If you are somewhat religious or ritualistic - go to the temple and check out the activities.
If you like books, check out book clubs at the library or try and make one
If you want to walk/run -- check out walking/running groups in your area
If you love wearing sarees, check out saree groups in your area...yes there are those!
If you like gardening, look at the local gardening clubs

In my experience, it is best to approach any of the groups from a sense of curiosity, rather than to make friends (as a goal). I belong to a few of the above and many a time, I just feel like what am I doing here but then, out of 50 women I meet, I can connect with one, and that makes a difference. The other thing I have realized I am motivated to do things - like learn new shlokas, go for a walk, or wear a saree.....my interest is piqued. Friendship will come later, even if it doesn't, these teach you that you are amazing, have your goals, and learn to pursue them. We are social beings no doubt, but when we are comfortable in our skin we attract more like us to us.

Hope that helps. I just felt a compulsion to write before I headed out for the day. Have a fabulous day.

Rihana · Mar 5, 2024

@mangaii I went to sleep last night composing a response in my mind, then woke up in the morning to see @Srama had already posted it. : )

Friendships naturally form when there's something in common and regular interactions. The ease of childhood, college, and early twenties friendships is often because the commonality is inherent. In our 30s and beyond, establishing common ground may take a bit more intentional effort, but it's not overly complicated. Join groups aligned with your interests, but not solely for making friends. Let connections naturally evolve as a bonus. Like Srama noted above, participating in these groups shows us that we have goals and take the time and effort to pursue them. That brings a certain confidence and content that starts to become obvious in one's persona. And that naturally makes people want to know us more closely.

One thing I learned was to take things casually, not to overdo the sharing of personal stuff with newer people. It is tempting to talk about our current problems with the new-found friend, but better to resist that.