Fuming Today....:(

Hope you are not fuming anymore.

I have been reading almost similar threads from you since quite a long time @anika987
Though you chose to write here as a vent immediately after a problem, but you don't seem to take any concrete actions neither to solve the roots of this matter nor to prevent it from repeating again.

Clearly you hate America, because of the fact that you feel lonely there. Reason being you are a stay at home mom, which you feel insecure about.

Though you seem to react upon others criticism every now and then, the ultimate issue lies with you.
It is your insecurity and low self confidence about who you are.

Let me tell you something....

I am really impressed about you @anika987
The woman who is crazy about fitness, and has a perfect body and health at this age. Which is a dream for many women like me.
Also, I am a fan of your care-free threads like "favorite movie heros, big boss, entertainment etc... which shows how fortunate you are to enjoy life to the fullest.

I am like you, I mean I spend a lot of quality time for myself, be it excising, dieting or entertainment etc... regardless of being a mother of 2 young kids and working outside.
My family and my work buddies corporate so well, that I am only expected to carryout what is expected out of me. Not more than that. Hence I don't have to kill myself or my time to project that I am the best mother or best wife or best staff.
I am still considered best no matter what, and hence I could freely chose to live for myself whenever I get time away from work and home.

But there are people who slog in the kitchen 24/7 or work like a horse at office all the time; thus having no time for themselves. These are the people who are jealous of our free life, and hence criticize it to release their tension.
As long as we are confident about what we do, we shouldn't feel guilt of what others think about us. It is not our problem, but theirs.

My MIL, co-sisters, some aunts, cousins and random neighbors think that I am a careless mother because I chose to spend few hrs each week at the parlor, or go to movie without kids.
Some ex colleagues or friends in different work field think that I play tricks at work, because I don't stay at work after 4.30 pm and don't work over the weekend and enjoy personal life, yet get promoted.

But none of their comments hurt me because it is not my problem. If they are jealous and unhappy about the way I live, then they should seek help and change their attitude. Because you can't control everyone as per your terms.

Likewise, it is your life. You are doing perfect and people are really jealous on your perfect life.
My mom is an housewife. She is great at backing cakes, and tailoring....
Many working women of her age still comment how great her cakes and saree blouses are, and how lucky she is to be able to enjoy such innovations (in food and tailoring) with her daughters, which they are unable to do.
Never once my mom felt sad for not working outside, because she has earned enough credit for who she was/is; hence why worry for the grapes which are not in her garden.

Best of luck....

 

Dear Anika, You have lot of regret as you were a good student and later you couldn't study because of emotional issues. Regrets come when you feel outcome was completely in your hands and if only you had made different choices. But our achievements are not always a direct reflection of our talent/hard work/choices. There are many people who work hard and very good in their job and very sincere in their work but still they can't get ahead because they cannot navigate office politics, or they are introverts and cannot do networking or gain visibility, or not able to be a yes-man to their manager. So don''t have so much regret about what your career could have been or why you did not get into IT. Hard work matters but not everything is in our hands alone. So you should not regret too much something like career/success which anyway is not completely in people's control.
You have intrinsic worth- whichever role you play- be it a stay-at-home-mother homemaker or being a good human being- just do it well and sincerely -that''s what matters.But don't expect anyone to give you a certificate- unfortunately people do tend to be too negative. Even if you do become successful as per their standards-they may criticize you on other things. They will never give you validation- so stop trying for it. Do job only if that's what you really want and f it means something to you and not to impress anyone. I feel the main source of your sadness s being away from India-when we are sad and alone only then we remember all the negative incidents. So maybe you should focus on solving that issue. The admiration of others is not as valuable as the true love of our family members- which you already have.

 

When they say that - please don't think it is about you It is about them - inside their head they are telling themselves - I have a ten hour job, and 2 young kids, issue X, issue Y, etc, etc. - I have no time to dress up or get fit. It is basic human nature to want to tell themselves why they are unable to do it - the reason being "they have no time" and you on the other hand "have the time".

You pay a different cost to be able to "have the time". They are not in a position to think about the costs you pay and sympathize with you or even appreciate you - for making use of the time you have in the best possible way (as seen by you).

So when you hear this - empathize with their yearning to have the time you have, and let it go. Maybe pat yourself on the back and sat to yourself - I make it look so easy!

 

The United States has nine community property states. This aspect makes the spouse who'd take care of the home, an equal partner in all things that are owned, earned or otherwise gained by each party in the marriage.

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The career achievements of a working spouse are a consequence of the peace and felicity at home. The community property concept is a legal recognition of this.

Why is Oregon such an island on this matter ?