Frustrated.. Pls Help Me Out With Your Suggestuons

i know a friend who is going thru the same problem with almost teen son at home.. dad drinks once in couple of week but still gets over and act silly which is going to impact kids a very big time.. looking forward for the other IL advices here...

 

OP, Do you expect that you can change your h by informing others? It will complicate situation. You have been facing this for 15y. According to you, he is not an alcoholic. Fighting wont solve this issue. Never bring this up when he is already drunk. Avoid any arguments in front of kids.

All you can do is sit with him when is sober and express your concern on how it will affect your kids or his health. Start sentence with 'I' instead of 'you' or finding fault with him. Request him not to drink infront of kids or limit it during periods when kids are not around. I am sure your kids already know whats going on. Instead of asking him to stop it, request him to limit it or manage it better. Also , your worries on how it is affecting your life. Your can't control him, only he can. So, any decision on it should come from him. If he is not ready to listen to you, you cant do much on it. What are the other options you have?

 

@yadh,

It is unfortunate you are going through this predicament managing a child to be disciplined at the same time find your husband drinking every week. I have seen too many families affected by the husband drinking regularly. In my view, telling others is not going to be of any help unless he changes his mind on his own realizing what it does to his family. You can only do so much as he has been doing it for years and even after 15 years of married life. I am not against drinking nor I judge people who drink even though I don't drink or smoke personally. But everyone should know their limitation and should consume alcholic drink with their mind controlling the consumption as opposed to the alcohol controlling them.

1) Demand more time from him to spend with you and family. You begin to build some fun time with him and your son. If required, ask him to take your son for some games whether it is football or any other game that your son likes to watch. Tell your husband he needs to bond more with your son.

2) Do not argue with him on his alcoholism but speak less when you are upset about his excessive drinking. Sometimes, you have to use your tears with no explanations as a weapon to bring some sense into him. You can quietly watch the negative impacts of excessive drinking in the drawing room giving him indirect hint that you are worried about his health. There are so many educational videos that talks about what alcohol does to the lever.

3) When he is in good mood, tell him nice times you had with him before he was addicted to alcohol and how you miss those days. Also keep telling him that your son misses him so much as he is busy with his friends. He should be able to balance his life with the family, work and friends.

4) Tell him you prefer to set up an educational fund for your son but doesn't know how to manage it. Tell him where in the budget you can save in order to fund his education. Keep an account of how much he spend on drinking every week with his friends (if it is in his credit card statements) and slowly bring some sense into his mind that those funds can be used for the well-being of your family or son's education.

5) Find out movies that shows the problem of alcoholism and keep watching them in the drawing room whenever he is home. Generally, the argument from those who drink is they are not addicted to it. Never buy into it as consistent drinking forms into habit and slowly the consumption increases week by week.

6) Ask him for an annual medical check up with you as you are concerned about his general health. Make sure the physicians ask him about how much alcohol he consumes and discuss it with him as part of the medical check up.

I wish you and family the best. Hang in there and your persistent effort will eventually produce results.

 

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drinking every week is common these days, restrict him to 1-2 pegs.