Friend-Snatchers ????

Nitha J · Oct 19, 2012

Child-snatcher; Husband-snatchers; yesterday I heard about "friend-snatchers".

A neighbor of mine told about a "situation" with them; where they happened to introduce their family friend to another family; and both these friends became quite close ; now totally ousting them from their plans etc etc. She was almost in tears when she mentioned.
I tried to tell her; saying you cannot be that possessive with friends. One cannot dictate the level of intimacy that your friend has to show to others. She didn't buy it; I could see that.

So in the evening; while I talked to another friend in west-coast; I mentioned this situation to take her thoughts. Immediately she said she could relate to that problem; same happened with her once; when she introduced a friend of hers to another one; and told it hurts so much; and also similar other experiences which made her decide she won't introduce anyone to that "lady-villain" friend.

I am not trying to negate the feelings.
But is it right to have such expectation from friends; i.e; if you introduce them to your other friends; they need to consult with us or keep us in loop; their plans for a trip or meet-ups? Is it "healthy" to be that possessive?

Please share your views?

rmynair · Oct 19, 2012

Ah well it is possesiveness and its healthy as long as the other friend is ur "best" frnd. and you can talk it out what u feel if they dont treat yu the same !but yes it definetly is unhealthy being possesive about random friends ,u cant stop them being friendly with others.no matter if u are the one made them meet or no.

Nitha J · Oct 19, 2012

So maybe I can ask my neighbour to talk about it and sort it with her "friend". Is it a good suggestion?
I felt sad seeing her crying..
Nitha

Naksh · Oct 19, 2012

friend snatchers aa? ...i heard only chain-snatchers :biggrin2:

Nitha J · Oct 19, 2012

Naksh;
I learned it yesterday. Everyday you learn something new ))

vaidehi · Oct 19, 2012

Its all about Wave length matching i believe.... If their wave length matches well than , It should not be a issue. But if they are purposely avoiding to create a group, then it hurts.
But either way we cannot do anything. As u said we cannot force anyone or lay conditions in friendship.

knbg · Oct 19, 2012

Hi Nitha,
It hurts a little.....but , as you say, nothing could be done....best to let go......

Nitha J · Oct 19, 2012

V; Actually she feels they are purposefully avoiding them or atleast that is what I think she feels.

yep Bhargavi; I too feel such expectation is "childish". when we are married and has a family ; we have to be a little more matured. Maybe I will ask her to talk to the "oldest friend" and sort it out; if there are any mis-communication

knbg · Oct 20, 2012

Yes Nitha,
Let us see it this way......the introduction to the new friend brought out the true colors of the old friend.
Sometimes, seeing the way things are with friendships, I feel cautious in giving the status of 'friend' to someone.....'acquaintance' and 'friend' are different na....

anmolhai · Oct 20, 2012

I have experienced this first hand. Me & my very good friend are very very close ( our girls are bfs & our sons get along great). Everything was great untill this new friend came into my bf's building and they became close. They started hanging out together a LOT!! now since I was in another building the distance didn't allow me to be with them all the time. Their friendship grew more close and I started to feel left out.

And here is how I proccessed it. I did feel very hurt as I felt that my bf has grown bored out of me & prefers this new friend and I thought well then Who am I to be in their way!!!
Friendship is a two way street . It cannot be forced from one person. And I definately didn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to hang out with me.
So I stopped trying to "UP" my friendship and only went to meet my friend when she called me or asked to come & meet her. I didn't shorten my side of friendship. I was still there for her when ever she needed me.
We are still very good friends and I would say our friendship has been through high & lows.

I would suggest to her that let go , if they are trying to avoid her then this friendship has run its course & its time to move on. And I know it hurts but we have to move on. all the best