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Friend Got Cheated, Heartbroken Now

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Vedhavalli, Nov 20, 2020.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    I casually called friend to ask how is she doing...
    She spoke rude, uncivilized I would say.
    I wished her only good all these years.
    I drove 1000 miles in winter when her child was born, treated like sister.
    Now she says her husband just spoke to the other woman, never said "wish we were married"
    Or anything else.

    Friend said they had facetime for hours now denies says since the other woman in top niche job , her husband trying for that company or similar role.
    I asked why you're you denying?she is said "why do you bother" I'm heartbroken, when she needed me called me whenever needed whenever wanted.
    For a week I didn't cook, clean properly taking calls, providing emotional support. Now all of a sudden she says 'there was no cheating, her husband spoke only on job prospects'
    It was her who misunderstood, moreover she said "you too supported that thought, you didn't say he is innocent"
    I was speechless. He is not my friend. I couldn't say anything. I told her I supported you as you said whatever known to you.
    And I came to know friend's husband got her new car, recently they went for a trip, also buying a property soon thru another friend B, who also know what's happening there. She is equally puzzled why she is behaving like this, supporting a morale less man.

    People change , make you look like bad/crazy.
    I'm questioning myself why?
    She shouldn't have said the issue to me, but when she was down needed me, now I'm an emotional trash can, she can come pour her emotions burden. Wish I learnt the art of taking in one ear and leaving in another.

    Is being good friend a sin?

    Humble request to all good souls : stay in a distance., Emotional distance. Physically help.
    Sometimes you gotta leave people the lame **it they do.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2020
    shravs3 and chanchitra like this.
  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, you are a very sincere person, I guess. But you have to learn where to draw the boundary of any relationship. You tried to help her,support her and even posted here to get a better idea( if she came to know about it,will she be happy?)

    Read the replies by ilites. Most of them mentioned not to discuss this topic again unless she come and talk to you, especially after reading your replies on her subsequent response. Look like they were able to predict her response.
    Is she such a close friend. May be she might have mentioned it you in her confused state. May be she is regretting it. May be she is still struggling over this issue but dont want to share with you. yes it can happen. By the end of the day, they are her family, you are an outsider.

    If I were in your position, I will stay away from her or don't go back. If she calls, then you can express your feelings. Also limit interactions and talk only about general topics. Its always better to stay from others personal life, especially those kind of persons who dint understand your value. Its hard to find a sincere friend. Help only when asked.
    Its a learning experience.
    Hugs to you
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2020
    Vedhavalli, shravs3 and Agathinai like this.
  3. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    Vedhavalli, you are a nice person!! The sincerity you shown to friends is a rarity nowadays.... My advice is stay away from this friend and her family drama for a while.. When she asked you” why do you bother”, there is everything in that... Clearly she know that her husband is at fault and maybe decided to give him a chance.. Anyways wish her the best and don’t be in touch with her for a while.

    You are a sweet person, Vedhavalli.. Your family and friends are lucky to have you!
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Your friend is in denial and has clearly decided to try to hold on to her marriage by sweeping everything under the rug. Fine, that’s her choice. You are the inconvenient party here since you know uncomfortable facts. So she lashes out at you.
    You have done your best. Consider it a lesson learned and don’t initiate any further contact with her. And don’t get sucked into her drama again.
     
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  5. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    as we grow older, the hardest thing to get is a good friend. most of the times the friends we know are even happy that we happy that we are going through so much pain.

    so do not judge yourself or anything, let this thing go. she has showed her place to you in your life. so keep your time and emotions for some one who is worth that.

    that does not mean disrespect, just distant yourself .
     
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  6. Agathinai

    Agathinai Gold IL'ite

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    Whether she is in denial or not she had been quite rude with her replies when she talked back. She doesn’t want further advice on this issues. That’s why she was blunt.

    Lesson learnt for you and just stay away from her. Usually there are many such people in friendships, colleagues or family circle. It’s time and experience which shows their true colours. From what I learnt never have deep trust with people unless one is so sure after many years. Even then be like water on lotus leaf. Personally I have found people have changed a lot and distanced a lot. Most have some kind of self centred approach nowadays. So when anyone calls just give an ear and leave it as such.
     
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  7. MULLAI62

    MULLAI62 Platinum IL'ite

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    I felt very sorry for your friend. I know it is a very critical period. I could feel her pain. Sleepless nights. Tears come from my eyes because I came across such situations.

    I am writing to your friend.......................
    If someone deceived you, they are going to face the consequences. That is the law of karma. If you got deceived, you were not careful. You should have been careful. You have learnt your lesson by being deceived. Now move on!

    The feeling to take revenge troubles you to a great extent. Till you have achieved it, you remain in hell. The thought of revenge itself puts you in hell. You suffer and others also suffer. There is no gain for anyone. If someone has done wrong to you, it is better explain to them and reform them.

    Don't be angry. I know you can't but you have to.

    The matchstick first burns itself before burning other things.

    Anger is also like a match stick
    It destroys us first, before destroying others.

    So always try to be cool..

    Focus all your energy not on fighting for the old but for building the NEW.

    Never Waste your Energy in Worrying about what you did in Past;

    Show your Best part Today,

    Because everyone wants to read today’s newspaper, not yesterday's.

    Walking with Confidence is far Better than Running with Confusion.

    I will pray for your peace.
     
  8. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    Because everyone wants to read today’s newspaper, not yesterday's.

    Walking with Confidence is far Better than Running with Confusion.

    I will pray for your peace.



    That’s such a compassionate reply :)
     
  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Heartfelt Thank you to each one of you @DDream @MalStrom @Agathinai @lavani @Swetha52003 & @MULLAI62.

    I do understand have to stay at a distance with however close/best the friend or relative is.
    It's a learning. But when my close friend for 10 years calls and express uncertainty in her marriage. All I wanted was to listen and help her.

    People do change & have to learn @Agathinai as you said be like lotus and it's leaf.
    Will try my best to say aloof , focus on myself.
     
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  10. DavenaRosalie

    DavenaRosalie Silver IL'ite

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    She should talk to her husband and ask him directly if he is having an affair.
     

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