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Forgot my birthday

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ayeshanaaz, Jun 27, 2009.

  1. ayeshanaaz

    ayeshanaaz Junior IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Last year my husband forgot my birthday, i reminded him in the evening around 10:30 pm. I was waiting for the entire day for him to remember and atleast wish me. But he totally forgot and when I reminded him in the evening, he felt really sorry, he gave 101 excuses for not remembering and promised me that my next birthdy would be the best birthday of my life. and he will plan everything in advance and compensate for this year.

    OK that was my last birthday.

    Two days back was my birthday, I was again waiting for the entire day... 12:00am to 11:59pm. (as he promised me last year, this year would be the best B'day).......................

    Guess ............ he forgot my birthday again. it is almost three days now, and he is not even remembering it. he very well knows my B'day falls in June. Last month was his B'day, & we celebrated it well.

    How come he forget my B'day again. I am really very upset. I did not bother to remind him. My collegues gave me a surprise Party, my friend, sisters (india & abroad) wished me. and only HE FORGOT IT. And it is only He I wished him to remember.

    I am really very very depressed. Should I remind him, or shud I let go. I am confused, Is he so selfish. He cannot blame his memory, he keeps all Imp Dates in his modile Schedule, then how come he not remember his wife's B'day. I am really not seeing his face from past 3 days, not even talking to him, but he still never understands.

    I dont know how to make him realise that as a wife I have few expectations with him, as he has with me.

    Feeling much better after sharing this with you.

    Regards
    Ayeshanaaz
     
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  2. mrsfrank

    mrsfrank New IL'ite

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    Hi
    That was really sad. If he is really forgetful, he could have stored your bday also in his mobile schedules, na. Is he sadistic in nature? Anyway, just ignore it and avoid expecting any apologies from him. Instead, you can do some shopping on your own and wear some new dress etc. When somebody asks, you can tell (in front of him) that u got it for your bday.
     
  3. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Ayesha,

    Tell your husband early in the day-that today is your Birthday {whatever the day your birthday falls } .

    Tell him specifically you want this particular gift
    { a gift in the form of - a cake, a movie show, a book, dress, a treat in a restaurant , etc. }

    Even after reminding him during the day- If he forgets by the evening-remind him again that 2day is your B"day and you want to have this and this.

    It is better to instruct your man and get what you want rather than speculating, thinking,brooding and trying to figure out what is going on in his mind.

    He might forget [ even if it is not acceptable]. Therefore, give him specific instructions . Remind him the date and demand things/treat.

    I know that there will be no surprises left after this, but you will get what you want !

    You should demand things if your husband does not voluntarily/willingly give it to you. It may be a birthday treat , a card or love or whatever.

    Rather than brooding and spoiling your day-DEMAND !

    I am sure, he will give you whatever you want- but in your case, you have to ask/demand first !

    Thanks,
    HAPPY


     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2009
  4. desihubby

    desihubby Junior IL'ite

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    A guy's perspective:

    Don't feel too bad. It's possible that he is under extreme stress at work. It's possible that he occasionally remembered but got busy again before following through with it.

    To some men, birthdays are not a big deal. To many self made men, birthdays remind them that they haven't achieved much yet to celebrate. True, we all know that it's important to celebrate the wife's (and kids') birthday(s) because she/they definitely will celebrate yours.

    Give him a break if he is a good guy. He may even appreciate if you hand him the gift he is supposed to give you after you set a nice candle lit dinner;) Afterall, they all are from the same credit cards:) I personally hate going to the mall.

    Be a good sport and do his work for him this bday and if I were in such a position, I'd be mildly ashamed (and profusely apologetic) and yet proud of a bold, beautiful, take charge wife.

    A desi hubby
    P.S. Don't demand your gift as one of the others mentioned. If he is under some extreme pressure (like taxes, career, layoffs, health, bad medical test reports, raising finances for business etc.etc.) you will only make it worse.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    Desihubby,

    Gift does not mean lot of money. It may be a small greeting card / A small piece of chocolate or candy or inexpensive flowers or a book. Also couples always do not have the same credit card. And Ayesha did not mention here that they are facing economic hurdles to the extent of not being able to give a simple, single stem of fresh flower[ if not from the shop then from their own garden] to a wife on her birthday.
    If you can have simple breakfast and dinner during recession, you can give a simple cake or a card or a flower to your wife , right ?
    Also a wife knows the economic status of a family-she will ask [or secretly desire ] for a gift according to their present economic condition.

    Gift does not mean -huge expenses-it may be small gesture just to show "he cares".

    In my post I have specifically mentioned " It may be a birthday treat , a card or love or whatever."

    So please do not misquote me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2009
  6. ayeshanaaz

    ayeshanaaz Junior IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thank u for ur soothing words. As DEPRESSED said I have to inform him in advance. Then what is the fun of all. LOVE & RESPECT should not be demanded. It shud come from within.

    I dont want expensive gifts cards etc, I just want him to remember That I EXIST. thats all. He can make me feel important and feel loved and desired that is all I wanted.

    One call, one B'day wish from him, one sms atleast, would have made by DAY. Also my B'day was well celebrated by my collegues in office, but Still I wanted HIM to do that. May be I'am expecting too much or what?

    Thanks u all for ur posts.

    Love
    Ayesha
     
  7. Prettina

    Prettina Gold IL'ite

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    hey dear

    Its really very sad to read

    I do understand how much sad ur heart would have been.

    Donot worry

    Just find out the reason is he truly forgetting or avoiding you???

    Or because of stress,work he is not able to remember?

    Otherwise how is he with you?

    Is he making you happy?
     
  8. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    No Ayesha, you do not have to inform him in advance if you do not want to. It is up to your will.
    But Don't you think that it is better to celebrate a birthday after informing then no birthday celebrations at all ?

    If he is a good husband, forgetting the birthday may be just one of his mistakes that can be rectified. I agree with Prettina - Is your married life happy other than "forgetting the birthday" incident ?

    If you have many problems with your husband in other aspects of married life as well, then The birthday issue seems to be the outcome of those unsolved issues/ problems.

    Or do you think that your husband is "purposefully" Forgetting your birthday ?
    Maybe you have other issues with your husband which you need to resolve first.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2009
  9. desihubby

    desihubby Junior IL'ite

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    I am sorry. I didn't misquote you. I said

    "P.S. Don't demand your gift as one of the others mentioned."

    I never said anything about the gift being money. The gift could be anything including mindshare on a busy day.
     
  10. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    It's o.k. Desihubby.
    It was just a misunderstanding perhaps.
    Thanks
     

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