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For Those Who Wonder...the Good Things About Being Single Again

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by BhumiBabe, Oct 1, 2019.

  1. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Good one ☝️
     
  2. venkiis

    venkiis Silver IL'ite

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    interesting thread,

    i used to hang, around in this group couple of years back, posting about my problems and pinging seniors about how to fix my life. nothing happened, everyone feels bad but that's max they can do. even my mom did the same.

    then i read from another user , who kept mentioning that people do not change. it took me around 2 years to realize that no matter what i do, my wife would never give the love or respect i deserve. i divorced 1 year back.

    i can say, it is the best thing, i ever did. i could focus on my health, career, focus on my emotional state. i have a way much richer relationship with my children.

    in this year , i changed jobs , my salary trippled . something which i could never do in last 15 years, because i was just doing housework all the time.

    my kids are very important to me, i am confident now to save for full college fee. when they are with me, i focus on them , instead of doing housework ( cleaning dishes, cutting or having a stupid argument with my EX for no reason )

    i focus on my health, i was a fat old depressed man, started with yoga. now i joined crossfit. and almost ripped.

    i date, but i openly said no to marriage.

    I am alone now, but not even a single day, i feel lonely.

    i found a group or philosophy called MGTOW , however the group is extreme, i do not like but i see the women sharing the same philosophy i can say ( WGTOW - Women going their own way)

    marriage, is no use, till there is equal compassion from both the partners. like a team.
     
  3. gaargz

    gaargz New IL'ite

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    Indeed, there are many advantages to being yourself. But when you find a couple, you do not notice these virtues.
     
  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well said and happy for you!
    Marriage is of no use or any relationship if one cannot be themselves and there is no room to grow.
    God bless your kids.
     
    venkiis, BhumiBabe and Sunshine04 like this.
  5. RekhaUK

    RekhaUK New IL'ite

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    I learned that being alone trumps rather than being lonely with your spouse right there beside you every night.Bad relationships are like watching a bad movie -- they almost never get better. I wasted years thinking it would get better and it never did in spite of my best efforts. But sometimes, the hardest thing you'll ever do -- ending the marriage -- will end up being the best thing you've ever done for yourself.It's OK if you're imperfect. The people in your life who really care about you will still care about you, even if you stumble.I learnt that I can live without my ex. It took me five years to realize that.I truly did deserve better and never should have settled for less than what I needed. Once the process was over, I learned that I needed to love myself first before committing to someone else. It's been an amazing and emotional journey learning to love myself again -- a journey I'm proud to say I've embarked on alone. I learned that I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was and because of that, I'll stand my ground in my next relationship. I'll never be treated like I was with my ex. I refuse to put up with that. I realized I don't need anyone to complete me and that it's wrong to give anyone that power over me. I'm good enough. I don't need another person or relationship to validate that. I discovered that life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself. That's what divorce taught me and now it's something I have tattooed on me! I learned that I have a voice. I now refuse to be silenced or made to feel like I'm nothing or a nobody.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2020
  6. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    I am impressed with women from the prior generation who are only now rediscovering the triumphs of singlehood, in a transformation, the 50+ year converts, groomed in modest aspirations. Women who matured in responsibility in their early twenties, obliged to get married, some thrived and others languished. They had devoted marriages but no affectionate companionship. Any desire to be pampered and loved was rebuked as filmy by the well-wishers. The women of my generation in contrast had liberal and outgoing taste of life , campus romances, enamoured dating, exits, re-entries, 'we need to talk' such assertion prevailed.

    Women of my generation managed their lives independently post college and work experience. Resisted being trammeled by customary and forceful guidance. I am happy especially for that previous generation, and their reborn singlehood, and their regathered affinity, to match with a man in a sense of belonging rather than the compulsions and obsessions of arbitrary togetherness.

    These woman fascinate me! Their holiday pictures with their now-partners amuse me. Seems to be some inversion in their life, fulfilling motherhood, marriage, thereupon rediscovering themselves in desirous and youthful blush having walked out of their blunted marriages.

    They are still merrily single (well, committed though)!

    My heart goes out to that generation of women, too, an awakened tribe of greyed singletons, ...kehta hai dil jee le zara.
     
  7. SmilesChandu

    SmilesChandu New IL'ite

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    Nice topic..

    But, one should have same strong mind to receive negative also in our life's.The way how we are enjoying the happy movements..

    Majority of us talk only about positive things which makes us to feel happy and comfortable. But, fact is that..we also feel sad for being single in life.

    These happy movements will be there as long as we are attractive, with sound income source...
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Being single during Shelter in Place is one of the things I’m thankful for. If I was living with my ex right now...

    I have the peace of mind to live in a safe place, have food, the ability to provide for myself and my child, and more importantly with my own company.
     

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