1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Following Untouchability? Here I am....Ancient Experiences in Modern Times

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by drnamshara, Sep 10, 2014.

  1. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    284
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Was going through a previous recent thread of age old rules we are compelled to follow...
    For me, apart from other such irrational rules, is the
    "U-N-T-O-C-H-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y M-O-D-E" i switch on to every month!

    Yeah no guesses its "that time of the month"!! :D :D :D
    And this is something my MIL feels great and proud about when she announces to her peers, that they make me "SIT" every month!!

    I live in 17th century you see and me being a Medical officer and a Research student becomes INVALID as soon as used to I enter ILs house everyday!!!

    Its way tooooo funny and wide eyed experience for me :D
    My MIL always had a smirk kind of expression on her face every time any of the below mentioned "Lady-In-Period-RULES" I was not aware off....she thought I am a complete nitwit to be ignorant of these rules and she my 'holy savior' taking me from darkness to light!!

    Loooong post...make time....Read on....

    Its about 1.3 yrs of wedding....and every month has been a hell during my periods!
    One episode of a big argument with MIL as she ORDERED me that every month one day during periods I need to take leave and be at home and rest for my own future well being!!!!!!!!!!

    Anyway here is my story....

    Before we moved into a bigger house, the initial 2 chums as a "new bride" were spent center of the drawing room with a well defined boundary....and later in the new house my bedroom corner...which I call "My Fort"
    As I have back ache issues, they are generous enough to let me use a sleeping bag and a trekking mat and an plastic air pillow during those days... :thankyou2:

    So as to not trouble my DH, as soon as my PMS symptoms start I pack off a travel bag with cloths, bedding, accessories, dressing stuff etc needed for 3 nights and 4 days....

    And then the day arrives.... :D
    So the announcement which my MIL cant avoid happens....
    "OHHHH AMMAaaaaa I AM OUT"....... [:p]
    MIL: When did it happen?
    ME: At office...
    MIL: Ohhh.....did you have the napkin with you?
    ME: Yes I had...
    MIL: Oh you carry a spare one with you is it??
    ME: :confused2:.....

    [In case i get it at home at mid night or something, then a huge debate on if
    12.30 am should be considered as the next day as per English calender, or still considered the previous day as per hindu calender as its not sunrise yet!!!!
    ]

    DAY 1, 2, 3 Goes by like this....
    FOOD: I get served in either disposable plates or glasses...or the regular one which I need to keep with me with-in my "3-Night-Fort" !!
    Food is dropped to my plate from over a foot above...and so also any beverage into my glass....

    BATHROOM: The bathroom I use...none can use....or they need get a bucket of water filled and brought from any other tap elsewhere in the house and pour it into my bathroom and over the taps and then use it!

    GAIT AND IN-HOUSE MOVEMENTS: So for three days I need to walk around without touching anything around...My fort to out of the house and viceversa with baby steps alike a Japaneese in those "Sayonaara" kinda cloths!!

    SWITCH BOARD:Making good use of 3 nights rest, I study...Now we have just one switch board...so I use a loooooong extension cord from one end of the room to My fort making 200% sure that it is not coming in contact with the DHs bed or any thing nearby....

    OUTINGS: No functions, or relative visits etc during those days
    In case we haaavvvve to go somewhere then they all come in car and I need to follow them in my scooty

    DOCTOR VISIT: In case some one has to be taken to the clinic, the above rules of travel apply, Plus stay away from the consulting doctor/nurse, lest they happen to have a by-mistake contact with my pallu/dupatta etc while passing by me and then go and touch the patient of my family...

    --> Once my FIL had an emergency eye check up...
    I went in one bus and he came in the next!!! Lest the conductor touches me for the ticket and then go touch my FIL for his ticket!!! ;)

    The doc asked him to repeat the words on the wall....As he is hearing impaired I need to gesture to him in sign language to read the board...
    ...................................he had shut his eyes!!!!! :bonk
    ......how to call him with out touching him!!! I took a book close to his face and fanned him to open his eyes and then did the gesturing!!! :D :D
    And as we walked out of the docs chamber the darned door had a curtain!!!
    I had to wait till FIL walked out of the door and then made my way!!!

    DAY 4 Morning:
    Wake DH to put on the geyser in the common bathroom.
    Meanwhile wash EVERY SINGLE stuff touched or in use during those 3 days, including hand bag, water bottle etc and hang it for drying on the terrace immediately....because otherwise you need to put it for drying atleast before sunset.....I come home late...so thats not an option for me...

    Then have a head bath in "my bathroom"...Then shivering go into the common bathroom and sit near the drain outlet.....by when MIL will wake up and come TO GIVE ME A BATH 'APNE HAATHON'......
    NO NOOOOO!!! I HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THAT I WILL KEEP MY BATH ROBE ON!!!!
    and then she will pour mugs together of BOILING hot water....no no i cant oppose...because if i prefer warm water instead, "THAT IS THE CRUX of why u catch cold so often" happens...SO instead I pray that I dont get blisters and continue to get bathed and rinse myself inside out...

    Then...she will pass on some tamarind with which I need to scrub all the taps...
    Next she will pass some turmeric with which I need to lavishly scrub the customary worn jewels and face and feet...
    Then she will give me turmeric water to drink TURNING TO THE EAST DIRECTION... yummmm slurrrpppp

    Ahhhhh!!!! AND NOW PRESENTING TO YOU A NEW PURE MEEEE!!!:queen
    Back to normal self!!
    I carry a bucket of water to MY BATHROOM...splash all over and scrub the taps with the tamarind as well...now my bathroom is also pure and can be used by all....

    ...................and thus finishes my 3 night and 4 days "fort vacation" every month...

    I can enter the kitchen on day 4 but my FIL will not eat anything cooked by me untill Day 5 bath!!! :D :D

    WHAT ABOUT MY DH THROUGH THESE DAYS???
    He aint supposed to touch me either....his "scared thread" will become impure if he comes in my contact and its a SIN!!!

    BUT PLEASE NOTE its not a SIN if he dosnt follow rituals needed to be followed by the one wearing it...or any rules......freaks out with spike hair do... skull chain, booze parties...etc etc BUT HE WILL NOT TOUCH ME.....

    One thing which he also ardently follows even in my WEEKDAY HOME no matter how much logic i try to explain why it was followed olden days....sigh!
    If he leaves a used coffee glass in a corner, or clothes unfolded and I happen to get my periods, it will all remain as is where is untill i finish my Day 5......hmmmmmm


    MY LITTLE STRATEGY:
    White Lies of course!
    Read a few things on the IL website which I apply...
    Make sure one of the 4 days is a sunday :D :D That way sleeep for the whole day!!!

    And regarding DH....i havnt been able to figure out how to convince him....any discussion of rationality and logic ends up in major battles and he claiming that god itself is not logical but still why I believe etc etc...
    I tell him its not ALL OR NONE LAW....

    But All in vain.... siiiiigh....

    Any suggestions to put some sense into my DH is welcome... ideasmiley

    I know many of you have your own set of The 5 day rules followed or heard off.....
    Do share.......make me feel better!!!! :D
     
    swathika, resmij, Grihani and 15 others like this.
    Loading...

  2. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,609
    Likes Received:
    1,961
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,

    Will you believe it s the same every where. Expect the tamarind part all others are applicable to me. My mother was very strict and I used to follow it right from school days.
    The worst thing was to follow during exam times.... I am used to it so kind offff leave it... later when u have a DIL or DD lets see wat she does??????
     
  3. JigsSM

    JigsSM Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    219
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Its was really a very long post, but really loved reading. I really wonder why do we have to follow the old customs now. This is 21st century. Its good for me that i never had to follow this stupid rules at my parents home or at my in-laws place as well.

    First of all i think it is you who have to be strong and break all this rules.

    and coming to your husband part,
    - First thing tell him that you are bleeding, there is nothing esle happening to you which makes you feel untouchable or not to touch me (means u)
    - Second thing i believe that this kind of trend was started because in earlier days women didnt used to get rest after doing household stuffs and may be periods days were the time to have some rest.
    - in earlier days, few men always considered women as sex objects so during this time also may be men shouldn't get near to their wives so they might have started to stay away or not to touch.

    I also feel this thing god has given to us then why the hell we cannot pray gods, Its mere non-sense that not to go to temple if you are in period. B*****T come on, grow up ladies. I feel you have to take step 1 and then make everyone understand. But i know there are few old age or old thinking people who still believes in this fake things.

    Have you seen Whisper Ad... they haves tarted touch the pickle thing.. Watch it on You Tube.
     
    6 people like this.
  4. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    613
    Likes Received:
    520
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Very old orthodox family in which MIL still follows such rules, do your husband have a sister? Does ur mil make her also to do all such or had your mil visited any of the relatives place where such things happen, HAd these rules been told to you before hand today you wouldn/t have asked for suggestions to make ur dh understand ( you wouldn't have married him at all right :rotfl)

    Also i too follow this rules in my mom's place with many discounts, not so strict .. I am used to since childhood so had nice time reading your post. :biggrin2:
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2014
    3 people like this.
  5. padmaja909

    padmaja909 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    846
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    we dont do pooja on those 4 days. we dont attend religious functions. There are no other restrictions in our house. its like any other normal day for us, no one in the family need to know even.

    but one thing i dont understand, what if the nurse in the hospital has it, how will your FIL, MIL know? how can they avoid? what about curtain? you wont touch it and allow your FIL to leave b4 you. but there are other patients who must have touched it before you, and some of them must be having it. then what? coming to bus journey, what about if the conductor is a lady? or if the conductor gave tickets to some other females travellers who has it?

    :hide: silly me doh1
     
    11 people like this.
  6. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    613
    Likes Received:
    520
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes :exactly: :yes: as you mentioned that was the cause for doing so, now a days even if they are together couples never touch each other be it periods or not, they both live as seperate individuals so ground for keeping the lady as untouchable.
    Men must not allow such things to happen, pooja things must be avoided, basic things all women knew so they follow, upon that we must not be stuffed with such practices which make her miserable during her chums, so tell your husband to follow such things for 3days atleast for a month only then he will know what such things really are...

    Now even the op's worry is not that she feels difficult to follow, as she would have got used to this, atleast after a year she wants her better half to understand that such process mean nothing. :thumbsup He would be seeing all these so he must tell his mom, mil's days of menstruation are over so she started to put you in those practices which she was in some 25years ago, better ask him to grow up, develop guts to oppose such things.
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,498
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi drnamsha,

    Same Pinch:hide: except husband part.He will not support this,but my MIL is strong and will make sure that I sit in a corner and give me separate plate and sombhu. As i was not used to this in my mothers place I was like:eek:mg::bang

    For me worst part was my husband had 5 brothers.If somebody crosses me also my MIL will start "Don't touch anni" and they will all give us a meaning full look.Me will not know where to look.

    Food and water same I cannot even go near the kitchen.I need wash the bedspread and everything.But by gods grace we are now living separately in Trichy due to my husband transfer.:boo:
     
    5 people like this.
  8. Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,498
    Likes Received:
    2,093
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Padmaja,

    Good question.My MIL had a answer for this.As long as they are not aware of it is no problem.She will tell proverb in Tamil which means if something is not visible to your eyes no harm done.:thumbsdown
     
    3 people like this.
  9. stillwaters

    stillwaters Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    466
    Likes Received:
    608
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    dear namshara , i really feel bad for you.
    very disgusting practice causing embarrassment and discomfort.
    my mother never made me follow them.
    being a south indian that was the first thing i asked my mil before marriage and made it very clear that i would not follow such rituals.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,628
    Likes Received:
    22,981
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Tell your husband "If I am impure because of my periods on these days...you are impure every single day because your sperm and semen can be released any day."
    Seriously...a man who is not religious chooses to be so rigid about something with religious sanction.

    As for your mil...this is just another crazy tool for her to behave crazier.Please don't ever go in her mad house.

    I think you being a doctor need to take a stand and refuse to accept this. Tell your husband that the rest of the world is fine touching menstruating women.And please tell him you will not let your daughter go through either at your place or mil's place.
     
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2014
    18 people like this.

Share This Page