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First Grader Tantrums

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Jas82688, Mar 6, 2020.

  1. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies, experienced moms.

    How can I help my 7 years old first grader to excel in studies ..?
    She is not at all interested in going to school and study .. She tells every time am bored ..
    Every morning is like war from waking up,taking bath, brushing teeth, combing , wearing clothes, breakfast, put on shoes.. She will not do anything on her own I have to push scream and shout to do that ..

    She doesn't care if we are out of time get a tardy. After coming home just watches TV for hours. If I ask her to take bath or clean hands change clothes she cries and asks for food .. If I give food she takes her own sweet time to eat for 2 hours sitting in front of TV and then says am sleepy and goes to bed .. so she skips taking bath brushing teeth ..

    No discipline at all.. I tried to tell her explain her everything how important it is to stay hygienic she cries and goes to dad ( he says just leave her she will do when she wants .. she never does that ) ..

    she is not completing work at school so they sent the book home to finish it .. When I ask her the reason for not finishing it she comes up with some story like other girls are disturbing me making me to talk so am out of time .. Every time same reason .. I told her to go to other table and finish the work still no use ..

    she is below average on reading comprehension skills not sure about these levels how all other kids are ..

    She will not go any classes outside .. but goes to art class in school .. stays in school from 7.15 to 5.30 ..

    am really frustrated by her performance .. more that her studies am worried about the discipline.. she doesnt care mom or dad .. cries for everything ..

    how can I help my kid to study well ..

    do I need to enroll her in math classes like kumon ..
    Can I use online websites like IXL or khan academy buy membership and make her study on ipad.
    how to improve her comprehension skills .?
    how to discipline her..? my loosing patience because she wont get ready to school on time ..

    I have tried reducing my exceptions on her studies .. I am studios mom is almost illiterate never got brand new bag or books .. No private classes but excelled in studies .. It gives me really lot of pain when am providing her everything needed ( frankly more then what they needed ) what is problem in studying ..?

    How she is going to succeed in future .. I know she is 7 years only but if the basics/foundation is not strong how can she pickup in later ..

    3 times got a note from teacher for not completing the work and not listening and yelling ..

    Her only interests are watch TV, eat food when hungry,go out and play with friends and sleep for long time ..

    FYI I have a 3 years old also at home ..
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Sounds like my home .
    Can you try no tv on week days?
    Let her finish the work before she watches any tv or play. Make that a habit, it will pay off when she gets to higher grades.
    I would encourage her to read at home for 20 mins everyday. Some days you can read and she can listen, but ask her questions after you read 2 sentences, like what does she think about the story? Is there anything wrong with the main character? What if she was the main character ? etc.
    For my DD, I ignored her everytime she cried, it was heart breaking. But I would tell her, I will not talk to her until she uses her nice voice and tell me what is the problem. I would sit with her or let her sit on my lap and hug her when she talks, but leave the room if she throws a tantrum and cry. It worked for her and me because I was not intimidated by her high pitched screaming in public places, so she never pulled that on me after couple of times. But it might be something different for your kid. It takes time, but a little patience goes a long way. Think seriously about cutting down the screen time, instead take her out for a walk or bike or something.

    She is only in first grade. There is still time to improve. My DD was not good with reading and comprehension, I was thinking about the same. But I didnt enroll her in anything, because I didnt want to put not much pressure on her. But I kept reading with her everyday 20 mins. Now she is much better, after 2 years, she improved on her reading, I am happy with that. She loves reading now. So my advice is to you is make her do the work and read 20 mins everyday and let her watch tv and play after that (or work around how it is comfortable for her and you). But do not cut off the tv at once, reduce it slowly.


    She might be smarter than you think. IMO, most of the kids like these are very bright because they know how to work around the system. But when you think she is pushing the limit, try implementing no tv for one day of the weekend, or taking away play time or give her a job that you know she hates (not related to studies, or food). Do you give her time outs when she does something bad? Does she now what does it mean to be grounded? Show her the teachers note. Ask her what does she think about it. May be there is a reason why she did all these.

    Let her pick the outfit and get the back pack ready the night before. Use a timer for activities in the morning and tell her how much time on each activity is acceptable (she will know when timer goes off, if she doesnt know how to read time). Make a game out of it, or race her to see who gets dressed first etc. to brush, let's give 5 mins. to get dressed another 10 mins. You will have to follow through it for few weeks, but if you are consistent, everything will fall in place. If you allow her to watch tv in the morning, make it only after she gets ready and ate breakfast. So she will have some motivation to get things done on time.

    Hope this helps, my DD and I are still not out of the woods when it comes to these morning routines, but we have less stressful days now.
     
  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

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    @OP

    Until recently My toddler- wanted to watch TV right after he comes home. ( We are no TV on weekdays family)
    It was a struggle to get him to stop and get into productive evenings. From past 5 weeks, we have successfully cut off TV on weekdays.
    The key is parents to not yell scream and nag the children.
    Yes, they can be irritating and frustrating by not following through. But come on your kid is just 7 years old.
    Many 40 years don't even follow through. You can mold your child to be consistent and instill discipline.

    Not by telling it to her. By making her do it, you walk her path, stand next to her and guide her for maybe 3-4 weeks. YES, it is hard it is time-consuming, it's worth it. After guiding her then start making her repeat what the schedule is. When she gets a hang of her routine, plan with her- how she wants to change her routine.


    Example- It has been a struggle at my house to find my kids jacket in the morning. Coz he doesnt remove and leaves it in the closet. Now- I walk with him to the closet and ask him to remove it and leave it there. Did it for a week and then I remind him while I am driving the schedule " What do we do when we get home?"
    He answers to me "First we remove shoes, jacket, wear house shoe...blh blah blah, blah"
    Not every day is easy there are tantrums. But if my kid gets 70% of the routine set in. I am happy.

    Before enrolling her in other classes, make sure she gets into a routine.

    Analyze and access things around her surroundings- what has changed, has your child always been like this. Was there a routine she followed. She is showing a lack of interest in daily activities, due to some kind of stressor? Maybe from the time of her sibling's arrival? The rules have been relaxed for her and give in to her requests and tantrums easily? Find out the reason first- it will help you to help her.

    1. First, you come up with a schedule that will work for you to help your child to have a routine, I understand you have a toddler. Have the same routine for both the kids.
    2. Have a reward system. Inspire her, find out what she desires the most and make that into a reward. If she does the homework consistently she will get the reward.
    3. DO NOT use negative language, terms or anything negative to tell her how bad she is doing.
    4. Encourage her to finish her homework, reading by sitting next to her and saying I will help you.
    5. TV is what your daughter loves to watch. Use that as a motivation. DO NOT give her TV time until she completes her work.
    6. DO NOT Give up hope. Everyone has the ability to learn and keep learning until death. Everyone's learning skills may be different and she might not be meeting your expectations, it doesn't mean she is not good enough.
    7. Once she has the routine set in. Tell her practice is the key. Everyone practices, it's boring, it's repetitive, but it is necessary to succeed.
    8. She is your child, both the parents should be on the same page when it comes to making a child succeed. Have your husband support your routine and NO from one parent should be honored by another.

    This is a lifestyle change the whole family should do. Not just your child or efforts from you.
    Goodluck :thumbup:
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2020
    SunPa, Angela123 and hermitcrab like this.
  4. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Hi..
    your Dd goes to Dad and he says leave her she will do when she wants. I think u have to correct ur H in supporting what u r trying to do. Both have to be on same page when mom or Dad wants kids to obey or do something. This is a major escape she has from u, that she can go to dad and not listen to u. Try to talk with dh to be supportive on making kid do the right thing and not to pamper when coming to discipline of going on time or taking bath and eat food n study if she does all this she can get what she wants. Like tv time, play time etc. I’m not experienced to guide but that line about dad made me to comment. I have two toddlers and when my H pampers while I’m making them do something they’re just playing u as they can use Dad as an excuse.
    parenting is done by both parents, or they need to support each other and be on same page for kid to understand what is right thing to do.
    U don’t have to be harsh but convey slowly and let ur H say the same to the kid then she will try to listen.
     
  5. Tamrakshar

    Tamrakshar Gold IL'ite

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    If one tries to discipline one's child quickly, both the parents have to be on the same page. If any of them is very indulgent, the task becomes extremely difficult for the other. The child will initially resist, cry or do whatever, but eventually, she will learn discipline. Another important point is to teach your child discipline, you yourself have to be disciplined first.
     
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  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Disconnect the TV and hide other devices. Show her who is in charge.
     
  7. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for detailed explanation ..

    When she got acteachers note I did not check her bag .. while feeding her she ran like something urgent ( she might have recalled about the note ) picked something from bag went to her dad and gave it .. she doesn’t want to show it to me ..

    She will tell every time I will not get it next time ..

    She goes to play date while licking back lot of drama cries and makes me embarrassed in front of others ..

    Am trying reading for 15 min but I have a 3 yrs old who will disturbs us .. Littie one won’t go to Dad asks me only .. by the time I put her bed this girl sleeps ..

    So basically I have little to no help from husband where I am not able to squeeze time after coming from office cooking feeding giving them bath and for reading no time ..

    Timeouts I tried did not worked ..

    I will try other ideas you suggested and thanks lot for all the advices ..
     
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  8. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot for your reply ..

    Yes am trying to setup a schedule but my home I don’t have any help .. with lot of work at home and office am getting tired and not able to follow the schedule ..

    But will try to prioritize that ..

    Yes I do give her rewards .. I appreciate her when does good .. but will loose my patience often and scold her ..

    I know parenting needs to be done by both parents .. but my hubby is lazy to help kids he just watches tv after coming from work and on week ends where I will cook clean and set up things for week days ..

    I need to fix home rules first ..
     
  9. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes correct she uses escaping machinism I told DH many times if we don’t descpline her it becomes hard he just brushed it off saying she is just a kid spare her .. the drama she made at others home at play date he just laughs and says that’s how 7 yrs will behave don’t over react ..

    But as per note from school he got worried and telling her not to talk with anyone just do your work ..

    I can’t change my husband he is just not that kind .. he spends his own time .. we have 3 TVs at home .. one for kids only where 24 hours rhymes or movies will run ..

    Sometimes I cry a lot when no one understands me looking at that tv am just getting mad ..

    I hardly sit an hour after working 8 hours in office .. my energy going down though I regret every night I should have spent time with reading some books and fun playing ..
     
  10. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes I understood it .. but how can I desciline my husband who is adamant non cooperating just thinks he needs rest where dear wife can do all the things breaking her back ..

    I have to blame my mil ( she is nice and helpful though ) who did not teach her son house hold chores who thinks it’s all wife’s work cooking cleaning taking care of kids ..

    Am fed up and these days and getting a kind of depression also when no listens me at home ..
     
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