Finding time for us

tuliplady · Jul 7, 2010

Well, its been a while since I logged on here. Used to post here frequently but certain events in life made me take a back seat.

Background: Me and DH have been living in US for 7 years now. Out of which we have been married for 2 years and living together for only a year now. DH worked as a Scientist here and lost his job 5 months back. He found a great opportunity in India and moved there a few days back. I will join him a couple of months. We are both from Bombay but will be living in Bangalore after returning.

So as understood, things in US and things in india are quite different. Both of us have only lived in India for a week after marriage. Have had no in law visit in the past 2 years so invariably we do not know how to live in a family:bonk

I hear from others that in India, life is very hectic and work life consumes majority of your time. Also due to the traffic conditions, commute is longer. One cannot do laundry weekly. Additionally, you have more people (family, relatives) paying you visit because of which cooking becomes more frequent and more items need to be cooked. I understand that you have maids in India, but I havent taken that into my consideration for the moment.

My question is: Amidst all this, how do couple manage to find time for themselves? Me and DH spend a lot of time together even on weekdays in US. Take frequent short vacations, do house chores together. DH has been in India for only a week and is already leaving for office at 8 and comes back by 8. I do not know how my work schedule will be like, but I plan on working full time as well.

I would love to know how ladies here manage time? Also, how do they devote time to each other and how do they maintain their privacy. I am preparing myself even before I board the plane

Priya_Mommy · Jul 7, 2010

Tuliplady,
As you know there are working couples in India too who are enjoying their married lives managing their work life together.
Unlike in US, we will have maids here. If you invite guests, then only they will come to see you otherwise I dont think any point if they would pay a visit atleast.
Coming to household chores, you both can do together in your house. Coming to worklife, its all in your hands how to manage it as most of the companies(Esp IT) gives lot of flexibility. Traffic,commutation etc.....take a house which is near to both of your work places and set a timeline like when to start and when to comeback home. Here also you can spend good quality time with your DH on weekends and lots of places to go for vacation.
Anyways, the people here are pretty cooperative and doesn't interfere in other lives without their conscious knowledge. That too bangalore, an IT Hub of India is prettymuch nice place to live wrt Climate and worklife.
So, enjoy your time in India.

ShilpaMa · Jul 7, 2010

Tulip, I would say take it as it comes.. if you're born and brought up in Mumbai then am sure long commutes and hectic lifestyle would have been a part of upbringing & you'd know how to find time..

If the immediate family members are not living in the same city then you can still continue with US style living and vacations its just that a lot of holidays and vacations do turn into family visit, unless you agree much ahead that you still want to enjoy and only post babies would prefer to have frequent family visits.

Ensure that the person who does max household work gets the house near his/her office. These days in all major cities people take appntmnt before visiting.. inlaws just declare when they will come etc etc.... as long as you dont have babies, you can do laundry every weekend, or in eve when returning from work..... cooks are available and maids to clean/ mop/ dry/ fold clothes.. keep paying them dearly and take up a Tier I or Tier II apt on rent.... Since the commute hrs are long spouses generally travel tog if in same direction.. this also gives you "QUALITY + MANDATORY" time with each other :biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh......... Dont ever take an independent house on rent in Bangalore, I've heard that the owners want it to be washed everyday and ensure with your landlord as to how many times will he visit you. Apartments take maintenance and they do all the cleaning and mopping of apartment on a regular basis.

sruthi1981 · Jul 7, 2010

If I may ask, can you please tell where you were born and brought up?

I gather that, you have been living in the US for 7 yrs now and married. So I assume you must be in the age group of 28-35. Lets take the least value, of 28. You were easily able to adorn US lifestyle that is completely diff from what you had for 21 yrs. So transition(if it can be called so) will not be a problem. I am sure you will be able to "adjust" to the Indian lifestyle.

I am sorry, I do not have suggestions about your main problem. I might sound as digressing the topic, but returning to India with that frame of mind will leave you no peace upon return. So I am just trying to help you in this aspect.
Good luck with the move.