Financial crisis, husband doesn't want me to work

lata12 · Jan 20, 2009

Dear Friends,

I have been married for four years. The marriage has had its ups and downs, the downs though have been more constant. My husband is going through a huge financial crisis. I am a qualified person, but my husband still doesn't want me to work and support him financially. I have been begging him to let me work, but he still wants me to behave like a 19 century female and just live with what minimum he can provide.
We hardly can afford anything, he takes his job very lightly, for him youth is like an icecream so he wants to indulge in all the activities that he can.
I am going through a huge mental turmoil, we haven't been able to start a family just because he doesn't want anymore burden. I have tried various ways to persuade him to let me help him, but he just isn't ready, and at the same time I also feel as if I am wasting my education and myself.

Please advice.:idea

enlightened · Jan 20, 2009

Hi lata,
You can always try talking to your hubby on the advantages of your taking up a job...Explain to him that you would nto do it at the cost of your family..The family needs will still be taken care of...Am sure he will support you..

asha_karthik · Jan 20, 2009

hi lata,

sounds a little wierd.. but still. why can't u try a few doable work-from-home options to start with? there are lot of discussions around this in IL itself. Try doing this with or without ur hubb's knowledge. When money starts coming in, no body will be ready to take a different route.

But whatever be ur age, with 4 years into marriage, i think u shd start thinking abt a family. Its good for you both. Like enlightened said, talk to your hubb and give him fears of going without any child if it goes like this (there is nothing wrong creating this fear, but this wouldn't happen), or ur health getting affected if it gets late and all that. Take examples from ur neighbourhood or family where women work to better their family. Like englightened said, assure him that u wudn't compromise ur family for any thing. Good luck and take care..

Mahajanpragati · Jan 20, 2009

Hi lata,
u can try working at home like taking tutitions,creche,gift wrapping,catering to office goers.at least u will have some income .
u live in Delhi,i am sure u will find something.
even if u get pregnant u can continue these along with child rearing.
as far as ur dh is concerned ask someone from ur in-laws to intervene (not ur people)
pragati

swathi14 · Jan 21, 2009

Dear Latha,

Can you understand for what reason your husband is not allowing to go for jobs?

Discuss with him and convince him. Still he does not want you to go out and earn - there are so many worm from home opportunities.

All the best.

Andal

sandu · Jan 21, 2009

What exactly is the reason behind him not letting you work? From ur story, i feel it cud be either (or both)
a. He is afraid other people would mock at him for making his wife go to work n support the family (esp. as he is facing a financial crisis)
b. He is having an inferiority-complex.

Try to find out what he fears n then reason out with him. You havent mentioned what job he does. If it is business, u can help him doing the same business. Otherwise, if its not possible for u to work with him, assure him that your family situation wud only improve as a result of u working. Some guys think that if the wife works, she will become high-headed. You must try to drive away such fears from him...

One more thing. You have mentioned that he likes to lead a casual lifestyle n enjoy youth. I hope u arent trying to earn for the livelihood for the two of you while he spends his earnings on entertainment... Make sure ur money is wisely spent n saved. Take care.
Sandhya