Finance issues leads to a big fight with my husband

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

hi Meen,
reading ur post i felt very sad before marriage so many issues. i think ur parents already invested a lot towards ur in laws side. it happens when u don't have fil ur mil have to depend on her son. Anyhow now u r going to marry u know the situation already try to manage, for some girls it is horrible they don't even know what is going on at in laws side and they have a lot of dreams which shatters immediately after marriage. u r aware of the situation so try to be happy make urself strong by heart think for the future don't mind ur both mil. they asked u to work as both of them don't have their partner's to support them they totally depend on ur husband they feel unsecured. u r going to start a new life u plan how to adjust with mil's. if they will stay with u definitely they will help u in house work and u can study ms at least ur fiance have this feeling for u. Meen u know there are parents who earn but don't spend a single penny on family if their son is earning, they totally depend on him from kitchen item to their personal expenses even if they have to go for any function they will ask their son for money, here case is a bit different both mil's have no male supporters other than ur husband. don't worry go ahead with free mind leaving all worries behind marriage is very important occassion for life don't get upset.

cheer up:2thumbsup:
padma

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

bHi Meen,
You are in better situation than me. For me, my in-laws are still young and running a successful business. But still they take money for all their, their relatives and also our expenses. Atleast your m-inlaw is giving you costly gifts from your husbands money. My MIL, when I went to India, made me buy Rs.130 worth sarees that too from my husband money and at the same time she bought each minimum Rs.2500 worth Raw Silks sarees. Whenever we went for shopping the bill will come to Rs.9000-10,000, from that our things will be around Rs.800 and the rest was spent on them.

I felt like a paying guest in my inlaws house. My mil stopped the maid for all the days we were there and made me do all the household chores. Of course she was also doing the work, but still it was way more work than I do here(in US). And at the end while we were returning they asked us money for staying at their place. Can you believe this.

I gave the above example to let you know that its not just your mil but most of them will be like that only. Some people are just soo greedy. It doesn't mean you have to be just a spectator in your own life. May be after getting married try to discuss money matters with your husband and spend wisely.

Hope you will have a Happy Married life.


cheers

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Hey there ladies,

After reading all ur posts, i cant imagine how the in-laws can be so shrewd wen it comes to their daughter-in-laws. And sometimes i cant even believe how irresponsible the husband can be even after marriage. Usually the wife becomes the responsibility of the husband after marriage and he has to look after her and fulfill all her needs. But in this new age since women have startedto earn money and let me say "good money", husbands dont want to take the responsibilities of their wives of home, since they think that the wife will take care of everything since she is earning well. Wen i had marriage on my mind, i always thought that i will never do a job after marriage becoz i believe in the old age tradition that wife takes care of the home and husband takes care of bread and butter. So i left my job after i got married and anyways i had to relocate so i had to leave the job. But after coming to riyadh also wen i asked my husband wether i can do some kind of teachin job or tuitions, he said if u want u can but i dont want u to get tied down by anything, i want all of ur time for me. My hubby is so cute, and i really feel im the luckiest person on earth to have such kind of a loving, caring and supportive husband. He took my responsibility even wen we were not engaged. He used to refill my cell in advance so that i could make long distance calls to him and wouldnt allow me to spend a penny from my savings. Even now wenever i buy anything from my savings, he will return it immediately adding some extra money and tell me to save. Well all u ladies, i dont want u to envy me.......

To all those who have finance issues with their husbands, my only advise is to sort it out with ur husband calmly and plan ur future with him. Wenever he's in a good mood, just talk out this topic, discuss and sort out a way through this problem. And above all, as rightly said in other posts, ALWAYS BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY.........:mrgreen:

Regards,
Geeta.

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Hi Ladies,

It is a bit touchy subject to deal with...I have the same problem with my hubby who wants to show off to his folks whenever we visit India.

The idea of talking about a budget and stick to it and all, I tried my best..but just doesn't work. As long as he is willing to spend without any second thoughts, there are always people in India and here to take advantage of his generousity. Now, the idea of investing may make some men think.. but then it takes a while for a man's brain to kick in.... as they are all dumb headed, you need lot of patience and perseverance to make him realize that money is too precious and hard to earn.
I am as surprised as others are that the same men when they are extremely generous with their folks, how come they become too calculative when it comes to their own wife and kids? Its just not my hubby and its almost all men..
Well, it takes years to make husbands behave differently and the quick way to make a man understand about the value of money is if he loses the job and lives on his wife's income for few months by economising his own needs, then he gets to understand pretty quickly. That happened in my friend's life and now her hubby is such a darling when it comes to saving/spending:yes:

I guess loosing job to realize the value of money is like a fear tactics..to instill some sense in the thick skull of men:goodidea:

:wave Geeth Priya.
I

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Hello workingmom,

Read your thread n the thing i can come up with, is this..

Our mind thinks and does how we want and expect. As you have been working and you see your hubby spending most of his salary on his fly, without spending on you, you have made your mind think that he is selfish. Maybe if he was also spending on you then you might not think it that way.

Why dont you make your mind think it the other way.

Like your hubby and you are earning 50% + 50% = 100%. As you said when u both had a joint a/c ur husband starting spending more on his fly. that means more than 50% went to his fly, say about 60-70%, which left you with little. So as you have stopped sharing your money in joint a/c, u think u have the one half (50%) so your hubby is only spending some from his 50% on his fly, as he knows u r not sharing this exp. Think that after he having spend 50% you are left with the rest 50% (your share).

Its very imp how you take this. Be optimistic. Our mind plays games. So learn to make your mind understand how you want it to work.

Instead of cribbing my sal and his sal. Think jointly even if money is NOT shared jointly. Try to invest for your share on family future. One you start think different, life will be different.

You think your husband doesnt spend on u. There are women, whose husbands takes control of their salaries and they have to beg for some from their own share. Some even dont allow their wives to work.

As for my advise, never discuss about the exp he makes on his fly. In our country like india, it has been always the duty of the son to help his parents. Accept it.

Finance is a big issue try to avoid it as much as you can. It can lead to big problems in one's married life.

Diana

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Hi all,

went through the whole discussion on this thread n wanted to share what was running on my mind...

i have observed some of my friends, relatives n close one's marriage lives...

* in allmost all the cases, the DIL wanted to be caring n loving to the MIL as they do so with their own mom...

* but the reality that spins around them makes them get annoyed n stand up for their rights...

* first of all i think these problems arise in families where the boys r raised by their mom with EXTRAVAGANT love and affection that, these boys become bulls nodding their heads for whatever their loving mom says...

* they think whatever they do for their mom is very little when compared to the love showered on them...

* and ladies, u should admit the fact that these AFFECTIONATE MOMS make their DEMANDS DONE WITHOUT ANY COMMANDS ,all happens with their magical loving words...

* even before the son gets married, mom starts her hard-core counselling with the son sometimes in this 21st century with the advent of mobiles, counselling is done to DILs also before marriage, saying that we r dependent only on u, u r my daughter n stuff like that....

* so its SMART WORK (underground ??) that pays u better than HARD WORK !!!!!!...

* so men come with a mind set that they should do even much better to their mom after marriage to fulfill her wishes...

* ultimately DILs r fooled around unknowingly by MIL and knowingly by husbands..

SO ITS TIME TO WAKE THESE MEN UP FROM THEIR ADDICTION !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LADIES WE CAN DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!

BUT REMEMBER IT TAKES A LOT OF TIME !!!!!!!!!

AT this time i want to make one thing clear ....

* our aim is to just educate and broaden the vision of the husband...

* our wish to make them understand that we r ready to take care of their MOM with no tags attached, give ur share of money, provided he knows the priority of his wife n kids...

ALL THIS CAN BE DONE ONLY BY SHOWING MORE LOVE, MORE CARE AND MORE AFFECTION TO THEM in the true sense....

THIS CANNOT BE ACHIEVED BY SHEER ARGUEMENTS !!!!!!!!!

SURE U NEED TO DISCUSS SOMETIMES WITH STERN VOICE ....

remember ladies we r the FAMILY MAKERS NOT THE FAMILY BREAKERS .........

SO LETS PROVE IT WITH MODESTY AND WITHOUT LOOSiNG OUR SELF ESTEEM....

SO RESPECT URSELF AND ALSO RESPECT OTHERS WITH LOVE ...

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Maha.. Your advice makes me laugh..
Life is not a battle..Its a sweet journey which should be savoured. Most of the families, dont know how to handle double incomes.. SO almost all come up with weired setting.. Husband dont know where to draw line.. how much responsibilities to take or shrug.. MILs , Sils all have their own vested interests.
I dont think.. People should care much for Any ILs..except husband.. You should do your duty..But thats it..Beyond that point do nerve your mind a lot..
How long parents are there..Mostly 10-15 years.. Do your best..And forget about it..

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Maha,

I am still laughing after reading your post, you sound to me as Jhansi Ki Rani. Anyways, you are too good in your writing at the same time funny too. I feel from your post that you are a sweet lady who got lots of love from everywhere you go. Enjoy the life.
Take care.:wave

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Hi meeta and ria,

Thanks for ur feedback...

Actually i started my reply with the usual intention of just sharing my thoughts...

Though i am not a funny person, (still sweet :tongue ), the way one of my friends, describes her in-laws issues will be very funny...

we used to laugh and i think thats what has reflected in my reply....

Anyway i feel happy that in this serious topic of discussion, my post has brought some smiles in u ladies... ( even i laughed after i read the last few lines of my post !!! but still left it as such for ur feedbacks !! )

 

Re: Finance issues leads to a big fight

Hi Ladies,

I hope some of u would have watched Oprah's Debt Diet show, one of the expert in the show had given a detailed split up of monthly income, and ways with which u could spend money without any regret on ur savings...If u have the habit of tracking ur everyday expenses this could be really helpful to summarise and track ur cash flow...

One more thing i wanted to share from the daily show THE VIEW is that its good to mainatain individual a/c for huband and wife separately ( if ur salary is credited in ur bank a/c , then u both already have ur individual a/cs) and have another joint a/c where both of u could contribute money to spend on common household expenses... So its totally 3 a/c s, of which 2 are individual a/cs and one is a joint a/c .

(Note: Separate a/c does not mean a Secret a/c).

This can be made possible even with stay at home moms, ( Actually in the show, they said, moms stay at home only to take care of the family and the kids,even though they can actually go out for work.. So u have the right to get a share of ur husband's income for yourself !!!!! Hey dont say i sound like jansi ki rani, since this was told in the show !!!!)

if not an individual a/c for both of u, atleast u could have one a/c from where u spend and another a/c only for ur savings.. All this is possible , but, only with a proper mutual understanding b/w the husband and the wife...

View attachment money_pie_chart.pdf

View attachment money_spending_plan.pdf

Hope this will be useful for u all..