feeling suffocated ( long post alert)

Hi Ladies,

I have always been be able to post my fears in this website and get wonderful suggestions to my not so severe problems like other DIL's (though they are frustrating/irritating for me) .I dont know if i should post in Relationship with IL's or Married life since I don't want to mis-direct my frustration on MIL as
i wish my DH could have handled and avoided my frustration .

As i have already mentioned in my previous post ,i feel so suffocating with my MIL advice/suggestion in every wake of my (our) life.

I already have some issues with my MIL insecurities over her only son ( i.e my DH who has an elder sister) as if i am snatching him away from her. During our last india trip and also when she visted US 6 months back, at the end of the trip her insecurities highten and she bursts out with all sort of accusations including i dont take care of her son , my DH has become a puppet in my hand , i am trying to alienate my DH from them, my mom (my Father is no more) and my pinni's family (my mom's younger sister who took the responsibility of kanya daan during my marriage) didn't respect them ,i dont treat my PIL's nor my SIL with respect, she is worried how i will take care of my future kids (as i am too lazy and wake up every day after 7.30 AM and on weekends after 9AM and she wakes up at 4AM ) and how i like roaming out with my husband always and having food outside instead of cooking food over weekends and the list goes on..she even didn't let my pinni's family into her daughters house (when my pinni's family came to their house for casual talking with my MIL) stating that ppl dont visit elders house after 9.30PM .the next day she becomes so remorseful and feels very bad about her outburst. on the other side (when her insecurities were dormant) she treats me wonderfully just like her daughter by cooking lunch boxes,including me in every conversation to make me feel a part of their family, buying sarees, kurti's,nighties for me when ever they visit US.

• Now she has already finalized a name for our baby boy and adamant that we name him accordingly where as i have liked one name for long time and wish to name my son. we had fertility issues and i conceived after 5 years of TTC so i am not sure if i will get a chance to name my baby as per my wish next time (since i dont want to undergo any AR methods next time and if i conceive it has to be naturally)
• my mom fixed a seemantham date and asked us if it is ok with us ( since it has to be on weekend for our friends to attend she wanted to make sure that date is convenient for all) and when my husband informed about the date to her casually she felt bad that my mom didn't inform her the date and how it is customary for daughter's mom to inform about it to IL's .my husband was upset that his mom was upset and he felt bad that my mom is neglecting/disrespecting IL's.

I felt very sad because he never felt bad (atleast he didn't appear so) when his mom verbally abused me nor when she insulted my pinni's family . instead he tried to support her saying she didn't really mean anything she said during her outburst . i should look at brighter side as she treats me like her daughter when she is normal but when he feels his mom is being insulted he is very quick to react and point that out

• Its been 3 years since we visited india and i am longing to visit india and was planning to goto india for our son's first birthday or when he is 6 months. i have been planning this trip ever since i conceived (or even before) and now my husband is against it as MIL says it is not safe to bring infants to india since they might get sick and get seriously ill (i dont know how long this rule applies and how long this shielding is going to be). i see many parents bringing their toddlers (< 1 yr) to india and they are perfectly safe and healthy during their stay in india . now because of her preconceived adamant belief that toddlers fall sick in india ,i dont know when we will goto india next time
• I wanted to take 5 months leave after delivery and now she wants to shorten my immediate leave after delivery and instead use it when my mom leaves US ( she will be coming for help during/after delivery and will stay for first 5 months after my delivery ) and before my IL visit for next 6 months so that my IL's can stay for our sons first birthday celebrations

i feel my husband is such a momma's boy that he has no spine to voice out his opinion and blindly believe what ever she says/does and strongly thinks it can never be wrong. when there is conflit of opinion between me and MIL its always me that have to adjust. i was raised to be independent and i am used to taking final decisions though i listen to others suggestions/advice so its hard for me to digest that WE (me and DH) cant take any decisions as per our wish and have to let MIL make the decision for us. I love my husband very much but thinking about my MIL decision making power in our life make me feel so depressed and I am emotionally trying to detach myself from my husband . but he immediately senses that and makes every attempt to make me normal.I feel like i am not myself these days. i cant even express my frustration. I am not able to over come my animosity against her/forget the past however happy and casual i outwardly appear .

I know may be its my pregnancy hormones affecting me to feel so depressed but just wanted to vent out my feeling since i am feeling very low today brooding over everything

 

Thank you guesshoo and geetha mahesh for your suggestions. I am feeling better after venting out my frustration. I feel strangely peaceful as if a burden is lifted off me. I know this is just a passing face and i am just make a mountain out of mole