The problem is not the presence of your PILs, not the visitors, not the absence of the maid/cook, but your attitude towards marriage. As far as I know, a marriage needs to have certain qualities to call it a marriage. Just having a partner for the sake of it, and living under one roof and sharing kid's/family's responsibilities is not marriage. It may be called in other words. For me, yours is not a marriage at all. Sorry for being blunt here. Separate lives?? What's that? Sleeping separately for 1-2 days when guests are around, is OK. But sleeping separately for longer times, and leading separate lives under one roof is a marriage killer. You should immediately change this, and the rest will fall in the right place sooner or later. My MIL suggested this when we had our first born. She said it is good if my H sleeps in the other room, else his sleep would be affected. But instead, our marriage was affected that time. Somehow we were back, and the next time she came up with the same excuse to split us by separating our bedrooms, I put my foot down, and made my H sleep together with us. Kids can slowly go back to their own rooms later in life. But the spouses should sleep together. Sharing physical relationship (not just IC, but hugs, caressing, etc..etc) is very important in a couple relationship. Even without any words, such physical touch could solve many emotional problems in life. You can't have such intimate physical relationship with anyone at this point of life. And having no physical relationship at all can increase your emotional problems to another level. This is not right. Even no one is hearing, you should speak your mind out. You should consistently share your opinions, and raise your concerns on everything that matters to you. One day, people will start listening to you.