Feeling So Upset And Resentful

Instead of avoiding, you could take that as an inspiration. I know that most of the time people tell you social media is bad, you see the cured photos, polished side of what is real. That is true and we all know that. But at the same time, if you see good ones (so many motivational, inspiring pages and websites now a days) follow them to keep you positive and real.

One thing I learned from my marriage is that questions like " Why are you not spending time with me?" or pointing him on what he is not doing etc always causes the beginning of the arguments. instead When you want his (undivided) attention show up and be there with no arguments. Ask him directly instead of hinting him for something. Be open. Sometimes the argument at one time is related to some other underlying issues. Being open with your husband will help you figure that out. Sometimes you will have to compromise. But always keep the eye on the goal and do not lose the big picture on what you are trying to achieve here. Tell him that you are trying to improve the connection with him and be honest on what you feel.
End of the day or beginning of the day, take a few moments to forget what has happened in the past and spend some time together. Does he say bluntly says no when you ask him to spend time with you? There is nothing wrong in demanding some alone time with your own husband! You might have a lot of power than you think you have! Use it!

Even if you are not working (in an office) it is good to have a routine. That way, you will have sometime for yourself to read books or watch tv. I always feel better when I have a schedule. And follow through. Also, No matter what take care of yourself.
I have seen on other similar questions fellow ILites suggests a trip just for you, husband and the kid. It is always a good idea if budget and schedule allows you. It will give you some bonding time.

Hope you find a way to get through this!

 

1)Op stop doing the vessels. Let them pile up in the kitchen. It's not on you. Basic thing is if your in laws eat ,let them wash their plates. This is a very basic thing.

2) finish all your cooking work before the maid comes. Bf plus lunch. So that all vessels go to her. Keep only dinner work . In between I think it's only the plates which they eat let them wash and keep and these vessels used to lunch will go to the sink for maid's next day washing. It's not difficult. I manage it. Do not budge for maid's complaints on more vessels. Pay a 200 extra and put all vessels to her for washing .

3) do not entertain much guests frequently unless they are your siblings or hubby's siblings . All other extended family do not keep entertaining them . A couple of times just ignore doing any cooking for them, then your in laws will understand that they can't keep inviting extended family and expect you to keep cooking for them.

4) ask the Maid to do dusting and you supervise her. Try to get it done from her weekly twice /thrice.

5) if you are cooking take help of MIL .Politely ask her to cut vegetables, at times tell can you keep cooker (rice n dhal) I'll go for bath and come back and take over the cooking.

You have toddler spend time with him/her.
It's not at all difficult managing .just that you are not playing smart here.

 

OP, first of all, remove these kind of thinking from your mind. Your husband is working, right. But you are also working full time and taking care of kid. You also need rest. Why you think he is the only one working and tired. Its good to support spouse, but it doesnt mean you need to degrade your contributions. You can ask help of your husband whenever needed.

Is he working on saturdays/sundays. You can fix a time to go out. Hand over your kid and go. Let him/her spend time with his father..you can modify according to your situation..

Follow your schedule as much you can. I have two kids and manage everything(job, home etc) with schedule. Kids get to used with schedule very easily and they know what to do once it became a routine(for example, I reach home by 6:00 PM,Snacks plus playtime 7:00 - they have to take bath and then take home work, dinner by 8:00 Pm, - Go to bed by 9: PM. I stick with it, it may vary little bit ). All you need is determination to follow the schedule.

"Why are you not spending time with me" Why are you taking me for granted - sounds to them like questioning or pointing fingers (due to their big ego). So Instead of "you" or why/what etcc.. Start with I.... " I would like to spend some time with you.I am feeling very sad.... I am missing those...Can you find some time for this.. Can you help me to do this.... Change the direction and sound positive... Communication is the key in any relationship. So try, experiment with different things. Also try to attain emotional independence to some extent and create your own happy world.

Seek your husbands help as much as you need. If you are sick or tired, announce you are tired, go to your room, close door, lie down and take rest. If you walk around, or do things, no one ( including PIS or dh ) will understand you are sick and take you for granted. Dont over do things. (let MIL show faces,ignore... she do it because she consider you as a glorified servant not as a daughter. Also her comfort is more important than your comfort, learn from her.)

Also no need to entertain guest full time, leave that job to PILS, Just welcome them talk nicely, minimal things with pleasant face and continue with your schedule. Let MIL take some effort too. Be smart.

Good luck

 

Okay I'll help you here with vessel management . With non guest days for how many people are you cooking?