Feeling Left Out In The Family

You are right there are bigger issues...if your in laws are polite and maintain cordial relations with you that is indeed a blessing..give it some time and do not force your friendship etc on them..let them know u and understand u better. Certain relationships take time to develop.

 

They visit each other often, so obviously they will be closer to each other. They may be trying to show off they are close but it also could be your imagination. I understand you feel left out, but hang in there. It's only been 2 years and there is a long way ahead to forge strong relationships.

Since you can't travel as often as they do, do little things to keep in touch. A phone call here and there, getting little gifts, even a chocolate will do, once in a while when you visit, wishing them on Birthdays, getting to know the families of co-sisters etc and sharing your childhood stories will help take away a little bit of the awkwardness.

 

@soulful, maroon said two decades married life not 2 years.
@maroon, you are elder to us and we seek your suggestions. But please don't think all those things. your MIL speaks good to you that is enough. And your SIL, Co Sisters may be you are imagining them wrongly. As soulful suggested
"Since you can't travel as often as they do, do little things to keep in touch. A phone call here and there, " because you are wanting to mingle with them. But still if they continue same if it is not imaginary don't please spoil your peace of mind. Leave all those things and be happy.

 

OP, I kind of missed the part where you mentioned you have been married for 16 yrs when i replied previously!! that makes you much older than me, hence im feeling a little shy to advice you...But my opinion is, just let go of them...your husband told you to strictly keep away from any personal discussions..continue maintain cordial and formal talks with inlaws..I really dont think there can be genuine friendship between SILs or cosisters..because family dynamics always interfere...
Treat in-laws as in-laws...BIL can not be equal to brother, neither can SIL or co sister be equal to sister even though they are addressed as such..
You tried to clear things with your BIL and he snubbed you..so dont bring it up again..let it go..many people do not like their personal matters discussed with anyone..
You should keep yourself busy and target your affections towards the people who care for you..The more time you think about them the more sad you will feel..
People who have not understand you in 2 decades are not gonna change suddenly..Just maintain formal hi-hello relations and participate in family functions and events but do not expect too much..
Your situation is actually much better than so many whose SILs and cosisters interfere in their personal matters and try their best to make their lives miserable..so many would be thankful to get the kind of distance and space from in laws that you have now...

 

My heart goes out to you @maroon I can imagine how painful it must be. Let me share my view and feel free to accept or reject it, depending on how you feel about it. They know you are longing to build relationship with them and for whatever reason they are moving away from you. Once you stop chasing them and focus on just being yourself, being happy with your family, your kids, your DH, they are going to come chasing you to find out the recipe for your magic sauce. I respect all other suggestions to do little things to get closer to them which I too do with my relatives but in your case, if any of them were to work they should have by now, they didn't so time to move on. Sorry if I sounded rude but I think you deserve lot better and want you to receive all your due respects.

PS : After reading your thread and before giving this response I updated my profile status. Check it out and luv ur avatar

 

Maroon, when I read this , I felt this is my moms story..exactly same thing my two aunts very close to each other.
Their kids were close to each other like siblings and I was always thininkg why they make a distance from us.
On top of that my aunt (fathers sister) was also closed to them so her kids. My mom being eldest in family she did everything for my uncles and aunt (bua) since they were in school (she got married when my bua was in 2nd standard and youngest uncle was in 5th standard). But reality was some thing else which now we can see. During last days of my grand parents none of them came ,it was my mom. My both aunties were close to each other just to show off (might be to my mom) but reality was they were back biting each other and dint miss even a single chance to humiliate each other. Their kids were close to each other only until child hood..now they don't talk even once in a year. My bua's daughter who was very closed to one of uncles daughter even told me xxx did's doesnt have time to talk to us even they do not respond in whatsapp.

 

OP, I feel these bonding issues relates to their family dynamics. May be things like favouritism by your in-laws amongst their own children, close bonding between your both BILs since their childhood or an understanding between them a little better than what they shared with your Husband etc.,

Not all parents are impartial towards children and not all siblings are equally thick and close to each other in one family. The relationship family members shares with each other has significant impact on their interactions/associations with the other person's partner too.

Don't beat yourself up for this. Their family dynamics are that way. Accept it. You didn't do any wrong and their behaviour has nothing to do with your personality.

Be patient. Show offs and fake love will vanish, sooner or later. People come searching for true love when they need it the most like your Co-sis did when she was in real trouble. Not that you wish them troubles, but my point is, be nice and be patient. That will reward you over time. Meanwhile, accept things around you as your Husband's family dynamics and be at peace. Change your focus to your blessings.

 

dear OP, though i may be very young to comment on what all you have lived for these many years. but i really will say ki ignore them. try helping some really needy people. they will give you blessing which will make u happy.
i really feel same story must be there will each family. in our family also i have seen such characters. who in family group will respond and will interact with each other so much. but with particular person will always keep mum..as though they dont exist for them. and let me tell you the person who is really very loving and caring and try to keep all happy happens with them only. becuase everyone now they are weak (emotionaly) and take full benefit for that...
so try avoidign them and if they cannot make you happy ..cannot make you sad also..right??