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Feel Like I Am Failing At Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Shivika992, Feb 9, 2021.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    I’m so sorry...reading that all I can sense is unhappiness and it’s not your fault. I know you just want what’s fair but like I say in many of my posts you have to learn how to play the game.

    right now I feel like you expect to much from your husband and you value his opinions, even his criticisms. At the end of the day who is he? He’s not God who is right about everything.

    have a break from him and come back to freshen your mind and do something for yourself. Talk to him less about your feelings till he matures.

    never ever say anything bad about his family or the injustice they bring. Show him how kind you are to them and let him see their nastiness. He’ll gradually but surely will get defensive about and will learn to respect you. The moment we tell men about how their mothers, sisters etc treat us they’ll get defensive. But if we ignore it they won’t have to defend and we won’t feel like they’re taking their mothers side. If someone is being mean to you like MIL or whoever. Just explain to them in a polite way and smile. Always be kind. Then when mil is nasty husband will be defensive about you.

    marriage is hard work and you have to work at it, be patient and learn how to respond. I didn’t know anything and used to fall in the trap. I still am learning. I have to bite my tongue and sacrifice sometimes but I can also have it my own way too. Please don’t worry. Just invest a little time. If you still feel unhappy, unloved etc then you might want to question whether this guy is really for you...will he appreciate you? But first I’d suggest work at it.
     
    SCA and drdiva like this.
  2. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    He’s really rude to say that about kids having your bad characteristics. But I’d bite my tongue and feed him extra chilli if I live with my in-laws. Because if we answer back in front of in-laws they enjoy the argument or take his side and make a big issue. Sometimes mummy boys go crying to their moms like look at what she said and make the issue big.


    If you live alone. You can say what you want and answer back in an assertive way by saying yeah we’ll look at yourself first...look at your flaws....without the need to put extra chilli in his food
     
  3. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    How does he respond when you’re ill? Does he care? I think you should become ill for a few days and see his response...
     
  4. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    When you know that no matter what you do, you will not be appreciated, the best thing to do is stop doing it all!
    Once you stop caring and doing things and stop expecting, they will realise how they have taken you granted and come back to you.
    And if not, you tleast learn to create your own happiness and not expect it from others.
    Enjoy your life and live the way you want n do whatever makes you happy.
    When you are happy with yourself then others may add up to your happiness. Do not ever base your happiness to come from others.
     
    Shivika992, SCA and drdiva like this.
  5. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    I feel exactly the same and relate to your issues about husband not happy with me at all, In-laws dominating me, husband accusing of guessing that i will be a bad mom and i am not 'sanskari' enough to be a good mom and will transfer bad traits to my child.
    And the only place i feel happy is my work!!! I am glad i am not alone, and will be happy to connect with you.
     
    Shivika992 likes this.
  6. Shivika992

    Shivika992 Senior IL'ite

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    I am really losing confidence in myself after getting married. I would be happy to connect and get your take on coping with this!
     
  7. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Senior IL'ite

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    Great answer
     

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