Feel Dead living with an Unloving Spouse. Please advice

its is because of ur past behavior.. no one should face this type of situation..... it is really hard for ur husband to come of it...because he feels that whatever he speaks that u r going to take it in a wrong way... u r changed then u should ur changes to him explicitly and make him believe on u.... show ur love to the extreme( not in a wrong way)... by good taking care of him....

 

dear homemaker

thats really a good going. for sure these baby steps will help you in the long run. in no time theHOMEMAKER will become that SWEET HONEY for your DH

take care

 

Although it is a pleasant surprise that you found a change in yourself and your husband has realised it, I have a question. Last time when you came and posted your problem and we gave you suggestions, you admitted to changing yourself and not asking your hubby any questions. Yet you said he didnt change a bit. The only difference I could see from that time to now is you completely logging off. Otherwise,if I remember correctly,you said you stopped asking him questions,yet no change.SO whats different now?
The sadness in your eyes is something which is still to be worked on. It shows that you still dont trust your husband. Come on and open your eyes...life is beautiful,life is short. Your husband is a grown up man,give him the freedom to do what he likes.He is not watching the song because some actress is showing off..he would be seeing it to enjoy the song. For eg,there is a recent song..chamak challo which has the gorgeous kareena. I love the beats so I watch it.But I also watch it for kareena as she looks amazing in it. Whats wrong in watching?There are some other songs which I like to watch over and over for the music,some I watch for the wonderful locations. Why dont you open up your mind and allow your man to be human? I may like a star but I still have my hubby.My DH loves Katrina and believe me,I appreciate all other actresses. I enjoy watching actresses more than the actors because heroines wear different clothes (so new collections),so many expressions and they dance well.The only actress I hate is katrina kaif because I feel she has no expressions...but DH likes her. So even though I dont,if there is a new song,I will show it to him. And he enjoys it.I think I already told you this. See what your husband likes and put it on. ENjoy it together. See the difference...he will start seeing you instead of the actress. The point of watching a movie,a song together is not to watch the movie/song itself...but to spend some time together. This is what couples do...watch stuff together on tv.Next time,when he switches the channel,tell him that its ok to watch...and you wanna watch it together with him!!!And dont just say it for the sake of saying. To say it from the heart,prepare yourself,prepare your mind.It will take a lot of time for you to get there.But I recommend,say it only when you feel like,else there is no point saying something like this and regretting if he sees an item song there,and you are burning here.

 

Keep yourself busy with things that interest you...this way, it will mitigate the pain....try to tell him your feelings, if he is still inconsiderate then i don't see a repair point....men r always moody, you don't know what triggers their behavior....

try to infuse some spice into your relationship...with years of marriage, kids, business, and monotonous life, people tend to be bogged down...men usually find ways to keep themselves occupied..it's the women who silently suffer...join a social cause in your community or try teaching other kids in your spare time....my best friend went through the same problem and after months of crying and after my advise she picked up belly dancing....today, she is partially relieved because she has started liking what she does and that keeps her busy...

Am sure slowly n steadily her life would be back on track.

 

Hi Homemaker, are u living in 1800 (18th century)? I think your husband is a gentleman and I feel sorry for that dude.
You have a serious problem and you need to seek councelling. You have ruined a guy's life for nothing.
In USA, it is very common to go out to lunch with co-workers. They always talk about movies/news at work during breaks. If you don't mingle with your co-workers, they will look down at you. Welcome to 2011~~

 

Nothing changes overnight, especially a very bad habit. Atleast you have taken the baby steps, so gradually start working on making it permanent.

It is always easy to fall back and probe, but think that he is also a human and how would u feel if someone is always checking on you and your actions every second. Suffocation. That will not just the relationship that you both have, but will also kill the beautiful children's happy environment. Just imagine, your kids being you. No one will ever date or be with them because of this negative quality. The reason we have a partner is so that we be at peace. No one wants to knowingly get trapped with a strict jailor now do they? Think before each time you want to make his life miserable. End of the day you are spoiling not just his, but yours and the kids life too.

Good luck.

 

Dear i dont see anything wrong being possessive or keeping tabs on him. frankly when its ok for men to do that why cant women do the same???? i have learnt something in my life never TRUST anyone too much even though it is ur own husband or anyone except mother.

coming to the point how old are ur kids dont they ask questions to their father when he is not bothered abt ur pain ?usually kids see the pain of mother they dont like anyone hurting their mother. i am not asking u to teach them to ask questions but it is very natural for kids.

try make him sit when he is in good mood talk to him but belive me there is nothing wrong keeping tabs on him just be little smart and not let him know unless u sense something fishy ...before confrontation confirm things just dont blame/fight/argue ... see when a man communicates with women whether it is u or me we know well through the words spoken or body language if he is flirting or being just a normal friend. see he is ur husband u know what his weakness are so if he is weak for women then be smart and control him the way he doesnt even realize u r doing it.

yeah talk to him ask him to atleast ask ur welfare as a friend for the beginner.

 

Dear,

First rule of marriage - trust, trust, trust.

I have many co-workers both male and female. We all discuss everything. movies, food, even personal problems. Interaction with women is not going to wreck your marriage, suspicion will. Promise yourself that you will never ever doubt him - I dont mean just asking him, I mean you need to trust him from your heart.

and yes, he seems a bit unforgiving. But give him time. Give love, give care - but please dont expect things from him, atleast till you see some change in him. This will do you good, your heart will pain less. Think of it as a selfless service. Be nice to him, dont force him to do / say things he does not want to do/say. Be happy, always smile. After a while, a happy loving wife will be hard to resist for any man worth his salt. This is a challenge. Just do it.