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Farmer's certificate and wife name

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Umaa, May 12, 2010.

  1. Umaa

    Umaa New IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Please do provide your valuable suggestions.

    I am working women for almost 6 years. Married for 3 years.

    Before marriage, my father lost his job suddenly and as a only earning member of the family, I spent almost all the money for my father, mother and other commitments. My marriage expenses were also taken care on my earnings only.

    Now, coming to after marriage,after so much hungama created by my inlaws, it became so that I can not spend even 100 rupees on my own... everything has to be told to my husband get his ok and then only I can spend (as it was told to my husband by my inlaws that if you leave like this then she will give only to her home... you can not save any money that this). I did a big mistake of agreeing to that also. But made sure that it is all savings and it didn't go to my IL.

    Whatever I earned, I just saved and my husband wanted to buy an agricultural land in Tumkur. He said that this land will be in your name only but since no-one in our family have farmer's certificate, this land can not be directly registered on your name. It has to be first registered to one of his close friend's father (who is a farmer in Tumkur) and then he will register that in my name. So I transfered money almost 2 years back.. till now registeration on my name didn't happen at all... I dont want to break the friendship between my husband and his friend .. I am waiting patiently thinking that it will happen at one point definetely.

    Now, my husband is has seen one more agricultural land in Bangalore. For this he asked my savings and he wants to buy this land in his name as my FIL has farmer's cerificate. He doesn't want my name to be added as I need to travel a lot along with him.....Now, I feel very very bad that all my savings are not in my name. If I try to ask something he just says that 'I am not eating in your money like your father did, I will give back whatever money that you give to me' and it just ends up in fight....

    He just says that this land can not be bought in both of our names, if you want I'll buy separate asset in your name. He says that he doesn't want my name to be added in that property.

    Please help me to come out of this situation.

    Uma
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    It's really pathatic that husband would treats wife like that.
    Your father didn't eat your money.He is the one who gave you education and everything.Your husband is the one who is eating your money.
    Your situation is very familier to me.Tell him that you can travel all the way and it's not a problem and ask him to register on both the names.If not ask him not to do it.
    I beleive you need to ready for fight.Whatever he is doing is not fair.As long as you don't stand up thing will not change.they know you a weaker person and they are playing there games.Does he take your permission to give money to his parents?
    Here are the options
    If he is not fair tell him that you would stop working
    If he is not including your name then don't buy the property.
    Or ask him to buy only after the previous land registerd on your name.
    See this all games,don't think you are spoling relation with that friend.
    Why that fiend not tranfering that land to you?Something might have discussed or that land might have already transferd to some one.
    You should able to draw money and give it to your parents.Please fight for your basic thigs.Do you have kids?
    Please stand up girl.It's all game and don't fall for it.

    Even I will be waiting for other members advise on this.Because I did suffered in similar lines but not that extend calling names on my father.I never ever agree to husband saying eating money on my father which happend to pre marraige.

    Things chnaged slowly after having 2 kids and establised more trust between us.At the time of my 3-4 years of my marriage things are little rocky.My husband also never showedd interst to register property on my name.He would tell something other like it would be easy to manage the things if everything under one name something like that.
    Your husband also doing same thing like it's difficult to travel.tell that you don't mind to travel and you can do it and see what he tells about it.
    But now after having 2 kids,now he is more concerned about me and the kids(I think more than me it's more of a kids concern) in the case if something happened to him.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2010
  3. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Umaa,

    I went through a similar situation like yours. All my earnings for past 5 years were sent to his parents to buy properties,shares on his dad's name. It didn't matter to me much as I never thought of their wicked plans for future. Today I am left alone with all the debts and him with all the properties and good bank balance. I always wish if I acted little practically than emotionally I would have landed in better position than I am in now.
    So please do not agree to give your savings if the property is going to be in just your husband's name. Travelling long time and blah blah blah are just mere excuses to cheat you. So please cover your back and DO NOT GIVE AWAY your savings.

    If you stand against this firmly now, they will not come back to you with such mind games in future. No normal person would blame you for helping your parents (giving away all your money is one thing and helping them is another).

    You do not have to raise your voice or fight your with your husband regarding this. But convey to him firmly that, the land that's on his friend's name should be transferred on to your name first and then you would think about purchasing this property on both of your names. And NEVER EVER SIGN ANY DOCUMENTS WITH OUT READING COMPLETELY AND UNDERSTANDING COMPLETELY. Keep your family informed about what's happening.

    And whatever money you give make sure that's all in the form of CHECK and not cash.
     
  4. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Uma,

    You have every right to be concerned here. Talk to your husband and make sure your name is also included in the property. In a marriage, 'yours' and 'mine' attitude is not healthy. Make him understand its important to think as 'we' and 'ours'.

    If he does not agree for that and if he plays his tantrums, don't budge. He will keep pushing you like this as long as you let him push you. Be strong.

    This does not seem to be a valid reason, considering you live in India. Couples who live abroad buy properties together and imagine how much traveling they have to do.
     
  5. maggi99

    maggi99 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Uma,

    I would like to reply to only the above part of your question. Well what you do with your earnings before marriage is none of husband's business. You spent for your family ie.. Mom Dad and yourself. Well if we are born as girl does not mean that we dont have to take care of our parents, that too before marriage you did as there was need. Thats really great. Next time your Husband says the above words about your father say. Say this to him that I did for my family and what I did before he need not bother or question about.

    Hats off to you girl for helping yourself for your wedding expenses and also contributing for your parents before marriage.
     
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Uma kudos to you for this contribution to parents, this attitude will only change the world to whom a son means everything.

    Stay firm that your name needs to be included in any property that has your money in it.

    Regarding your father's friend I guess DH's family owed him some money and they paid him off this way...
    Dont fight but tell him calmly that whatever the case is this time you need your name in this property, and even if it comes on requirement to travel.. you shall be glad to spend some quality time with him.
    Tell him the benefits of co-owners of land as it reduces the repeated false sales of a land.. also that you dont need a separate asset but since you're a part of him, you would like to be a part of all his dealings.
     
  7. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    After marriage, there should be no talk of your money and my money. It should be OUR money. So, there is no talk of husband eating your money or you eating his money etc. You are as one.

    What you did before marriage is none of your husband's business. But after marriage, you and your husband should discuss this issue and JOINTLY come to an agreement on how much you will each spend on your respective FOOs. Just like he cannot simply take his money and give it to his parents, you should not be taking your money and giving it to yours. Your own immediate family and spouse should come first and you both should be on the same page with regard to supporting your respective parents. Now, I think that both of you should still be able to give your parents enough money for their necessities, but not for their luxuries. Correct me if I'm wrong, but from your post, it seems to me that you were giving your entire paycheck to your FOO? And your in-laws interfered and advised your husband to stop this and you agreed to this and started saving the money instead? Whose name is this savings on? Yours? Or a joint name?

    Now, if you want to buy property, then it should only be in joint names. It cannot be in your name alone (even if it comes from your income) or in his name alone (even if it comes from his earnings). You should first sit your husband down and clearly tell him that you cannot agree to him registering any properties in his whole and sole name and that your name should be in all legal documents. If he does not agree, then you will not give him your savings. End of story. Ask him how he would feel if you took his money and bought properties in YOUR name alone? Be assertive and let him see where you are coming from. Otherwise, this issue will never be resolved and you will end up feeling cheated and exploited - which will cause you to hate him at the end of the day.

    P.S: In the interest of fairness, I hope that you are contributing to some of the household expenses and not saving 100% of your income for your personal use??? Since you are employed, it is only fair that you should pick up some of the expenses instead of letting your husband spend for everything, just like he should not be saving his entire income and make YOU pay for everything for the house / family, too. JMO.
     

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