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Farewells And Cherished Memories

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by GeetaKashyap, Apr 11, 2019.

  1. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    [​IMG]
    I have had many beautiful friendships so far in my life; I cherish all the fond memories associated with them. B and A were my best friends till 7th standard. I admired B a lot; she was the school sports champion. On the other hand, A was very cute, we used to play a lot of silly games together and I think both of us were younger for the class, hence we jelled well. I wonder where they are now. Both of them knew my permanent address, yet in all these years they never once tried to contact me. Does that mean they have never missed me? Were they wiser to accept that my role in their lives was over and so they moved on? Do they any time remember me and wonder where I vanished?

    N1 and Y were my best friends during high school years; I have lost touch with them too. Then there were many more during my further studies; M1, K1, S1, N2, V, C1… I lost contact with all of them for one reason or the other. About my lost friendship with M1, I wrote in Cow Urine Creating A Storm!

    K, S, N2 and V chose to fade away into oblivion. C1 is doing very well in life. Sadly, she is self-absorbed and insensitive. (This is my conclusion after many unpleasant interactions.) So I have chosen to maintain the distance. Then there were many more friends during my working and post working life- M2, S2, P, C2, K2…the list is pretty long ranging from A to Z. Somehow most of those friendships crumbled. Some didn’t think twice before backstabbing, some never cared to nurture the friendship; singularly, I couldn't have as the famous Indian idiom says, “Ek haath se taali nahi bajti i.e., you cannot clap with one hand!

    I am sure every one of you recalls vividly the farewells we have had at various decisive junctures of our lives; signing of the Autograph books, writing ‘copied’ messages in them, the group photos, tears, hugs and the promises to stay in touch forever… As we grow older and wiser, a lot of that seems ridiculous but they remain an essential passage while growing up. Some years later we forget the names and faces of many classmates. Recently, a friend had a reunion after almost four decades. All the credit went to a couple of old classmates. These two connected the random dots and formed a WhatsApp group of their primary school classmates. When they actually met, many couldn’t be identified. In my friend’s words, “Most men were bald and old and most women were like bulky female amazons!” Just after the first meeting most of them opted out of the group and the remaining few are working hard to keep the group active with ‘Good morning’ messages on WhatsApp!

    Generally, I find this 'disconnect trait' common in women; the way a launched spacecraft discards several of its rockets before entering the space, women do let go of their friendships and relationships at various stages as they enter newer phases of their lives. Some of this disconnection could be due to separation by distance post parental transfers or marriages, changed status, demands of the newer relationships or simply because the old friendships don’t serve their purpose anymore! On the other hand, men tend to retain many old friendships and revisit those even years later. This is my observation and experience. Those of you who have been lucky might still be enjoying the company of your old friends. All I can say is, you are blessed and lucky. But for most others, loss of friendships/relationships is an integral part of life. Depending on one’s own nature and the circumstances, some may pause and rue the lost friendships/relationships more than the others.

    A famous Sanskrit quote says, “Runanubhanda Rupena Pashu Patni Suta Aalaya…”(Padma Puran) This means with the previous birth bondage one gets to have animals, wife/spouse, son/children and house. (All were an essential form of wealth in the olden days.) In other words, every relationship is the result of previous birth bondage. Once the debt is annihilated the relationship ceases to exist. I believe, friendship also belongs to this group.

    This means people come into our lives for a specific reason or purpose. They go away from us once that is fulfilled; it is pre-destined. This philosophical attitude is acceptable and it helps me to move on in life. But what about the void and pain parting has created? Why do I re-visit old friendships so often? This is Karma. In my current mindset to let go many of the closely held rigid beliefs and accept some of the universal wisdom, I accept whatever the destiny has in store for me; it is good for my mind and body.

    (Those who are interested in knowing the Hindu belief systems relating to relationships may check this interesting link: RinanubandhanTheory part 1: Understanding Karmic, Soulmates and Twin flame relations - The Vedic Siddhanta)

    The following poetry took its birth when I was reminiscing those wonderful days and experienced the joys and sorrows associated with them simultaneously. This as an offbeat thought on farewells and friendships. Many of you may find the thoughts I have expressed here alien and unacceptable. Some of you may find them resonating with your innermost thoughts. Both the POVs are okay as everything depends on where we stand. Please feel free to express whatever you think or feel but politely.

    ********************************************************************



    Farewells and cherished memories


    **********************************************



    Oh! Farewells are such painful events.

    Though separation from our buddies

    Are difficult and inevitable parts

    Of our hassled lives,

    The desolation and loneliness

    That follow separation, are ineffable.



    Regardless of our tormented hearts,

    The sun rises and sets every day.

    Seasons change, so also the people!

    As new places herald newer challenges

    Promising friendships bloom unawares

    Revealing hitherto unknown facets!



    As with everything, with every passing day

    Our ideas and ideologies also change.

    But the fond memories of old friendships

    Come alive once in a way

    Bringing with them, the craving

    To relive those bygone days again.



    But when I actually met my cherished old friend,

    I realised we had changed a lot!

    Once everything was a topic but now

    Nothing seemed of common interest!

    To pass every minute, we had to rely upon

    Heavily punctuated pauses!



    Perhaps everyone comes into our life

    With a purpose and an expiry date, I reason.

    But the recollection of good old times

    Undoubtedly warms the cockles of our hearts.

    Then isn’t it better to simply recall those memories

    Than meet and bury those friendships forever?



    Farewell, my dear friend;

    You’ll always remain special in my heart.

    Let's promise never to forget each other

    Or the jolly good times that we shared.

    Let’s keep our cherished memories evergreen

    And let’s part never to meet again.



    ***********************END***********************
    The image has been taken from the Internet for representational purpose only.
     
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  2. SpringB

    SpringB Platinum IL'ite

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    Lovely writing and a beautiful poem that goes with it. I can relate to many of your POV. Not sure about Karma theory. I Used to miss some who opted out of my life but over a period of time I dismissed their thoughts too. Yes occasionally I would be reminded of my dearies. Will acknowledge the memory with a smile and move on. Happy to have those few friends from school days who chose to stay back in my life.
     
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  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for this quick and beautiful feedback, dear @SpringB. I can understand how precious such friendships are; you are lucky.:thumbup:
     
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  4. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Good post Geetha.
    Growing up in an era without internet, I lost touch with almost all my school and college friends.
    One reason is that once we entered married life, our focus turns towards our family and then kids. By the time we get time gor ourselves it is too late.
    Also, our last names changed after marriage, so it turns even more difficult to trace our friends.

    I learnt something new from ypur post about friends moving after after their purpose of interaction is completed. That sent me thinking.
     
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  5. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear kkrish,

    You are right, after marriage many women change their surnames and some change even the first name+ many of our generation aren't on media as well.

    You know when I wrote that example of spacecraft, I thought, kkrish will note this example and I was RIGHT! Amazing is your passion for space!:thumbup:
     
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  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Today’s latest and the first pic of black hole reminded me of @kkrish too
     
  7. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Wow!
    Another write up forcing one to think and reminisce about the 'good old days'.
    @GeetaKashyap Mam, I agree with the farewells and loss of friendship, i think the main reasons for this phenomenon are :
    1. With passage of time , our requirements, needs , maybe values, family circumstances also undergo changes. If we look at childhood especially, we were all whatever , but at the end of the day children , with maturing minds. We of course, reminisce about those beautiful times, which i think is a gift to cherish forever. Over time ,as we 'grow up', our thoughts and interests change and then those who fit in that zone at a particular time are the ones that remain sketched in memory.
    2. That , as you have mentioned , we have many friends earlier in life in school, college etc, because there are more persons who share common experiences then. As we move on, we tend to keep those and search those who resonate with our shared experiences with jobs, marriages etc. Aslo i think there is a particualr mindspace for friendships in general, and people within that quota/number fit in for those times.

    3. Another reason, which eats us more is the varying degree of sensitivities we have , especially w.r.t what you have mentioned ;)
    In general , women are accepted to be temperamentally more sensitive and more prone to keeping grudges or ow, to even unintentional comments or ' those attributable to be the figments of an evolving - growing mind' on the part of our friends. I mean , even if I look at myself,i think lots of friendships,i have allowed to let go or vice versa , is because somehow , over time we thought that those friends had changed over time or were no more what we thought of them at those particular points of peak friendship!
    Also as for all things in life, assuming a normal population of people , the graph of friendships follow a bell curve for most average people :)

    upload_2019-4-11_10-52-36.png 4.4
    Maybe this is a way of looking at it, I am not much into these spritual texts so won't be able to quote exactly what i am trying to convey , buy somewhere in the 'GITA' isn't there this whole talk about having no attachment, that is the path one should look forward to. I think i read somewhere that , we have entered this world alone and exit it alone leaving all that what is here, here itself. In the light of this, maybe on this whole issue of 'attachments', which we create to complete our mortal roles on this earth, we need to actually help ourselves by having minimum attachment towards our ultimate spiritual goals. Maybe this coming going of these relationships is for this reason ;)


    Btw i found this pyramid of frienships ...JLT..posting it below

    [​IMG]
     
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  8. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Madam, do you think that it stops with friends alone? If karma theory applies, this can be associated with any relationship, whether partner, sibling or one's own children, but happens after a longer duration
    YANG JIANG IS A CHINESE NOVELIST WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF 105.
    HERE IS WHAT SHE WROTE WHEN SHE WAS 103 !
    WHAT MENTAL AGILITY AND ABSOLUTE COMMONSENSE !.


    善待暮年

    *Be Kind to Twilight Years*


    花開花謝,潮起潮落,

    不經意間我們正走向人生的暮年。

    Seasons after seasons, we are unknowingly approaching our twilight years.


    從呱呱墜地到兩鬢染霜,

    歲月的行囊裡装滿了酸甜苦辣。

    接下來,

    在夕陽的路上能走多遠,

    取决於我們的體魄和心態。

    From the first cry on coming to the earth till the hairs turn grey, the baggage of our journey through life has filled with all bitterness and sweetness as well as ups and downs. Next, how happy can we be on the path of our twilight years will depend on our physical mental condition.


    在曾經的歲月裡,

    每個人都會有大小不一的光環,

    但這光環已是“過去式”。

    當光環退去,

    誰都是柴米油鹽,誰都是一介布衣。

    Life's glory and splendor are all behind us and we are now just going through the daily chores of keeping life going.


    “我們曾如此渴望命運的波瀾,

    到最後才發現:

    人生最曼妙的風景,

    竟是内心的淡定與從容。

    Once we yearned for a glamorous life, now we realize the most wonderful and beautiful scenery in life are moments of tranquility.


    不要满懷焦灼期待子女常回家看看。

    子女們有各自的生活和事業,

    他們像永不停歇的陀螺一樣,

    上有老下有小,

    “老”是“夕陽”,

    “小”是“朝陽”。

    “朝陽”總比“夕陽”

    更令人關注和憧憬,

    這是動物繁衍生息的法則,

    是規律,

    誰也不能違背。

    記住,

    年輕人永遠比老年人忙。

    Do not anxiously wait for the visits of our children. They have their own lives to take care of; they are like tops being spun continuously, sandwiched between the young and old. The old one is the evening sun, whereas the young is the morning sun, and of course the young will get more attention; this is nature's law. It is human race survival cycle and no one can defy it.. Please remember: our children is always more busy than us.


    人生,

    夫妻也好,母女父子也罷,

    不管是怎樣的水乳交融、

    心心相繫,

    每個人都是生命的獨立個體,

    因此,

    我們要學會在孤獨的時候给自己安慰,

    在寂寞的時候给自己温暖。

    In life whether it is husband and wife or parents and children, no matter how harmonious and how close they are, each one is unique and an independent entity. Therefore we need to learn to cope with loneliness by finding ways to console and cheer ourselves up when feeling lonely.


    老要有老的風骨,

    老要有老的優雅,

    正如春華秋實,

    四季輪迴,各有風采.

    In reaching our golden age, we have our self esteem and graciousness just like the cycle of four seasons, each has its own grace and beauty. Smile and enjoy each phase of life.


    暮年是美好生活的開始,

    是一種從容、恬闊、

    悠哉遊哉的状態。

    願我們保持一顆寧静的心,

    少些期盼、多些寬容,

    寵辱不驚、去留無礙,

    微笑向前,

    善待暮年的自己.

    Twilight years is the beginning of a good phase in life. It is calm, peaceful, unhurried and joyful. We have to maintain peace, be less demanding , more accomodative and forgiving, not to over react when receiving attention or being ignored.. To stay or to go does not matter anymore. Keep smiling while moving ahead each day and be kind to ourselves.


    Being honest and sincere will make friendships last.

    Do not expect for a return on whatever you have given to others, after all, making others happy is life's greatest achievement.

    I received the above mail two days back. As I felt that the contents may better suit as a response to your snippet, I have just reproduced.

    jayasala 42
     
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  9. Agatha83

    Agatha83 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Geetha,

    What a beautiful presentation about friendships and a philosophical touch at the end. Lord Krishna and Poor Kuchela might have been great friends irrespective of their financial status, but in reality status plays a great role in defining or sustaining friendship, at present times.
    I am friendly by nature and had a lot of friends, both during school and college. All of them were patient listeners to my outpourings of traumatic incidents in my family life and always were there to lend a shoulder to cry on. For my marriage an entire group of 50 girls descended to the marriage avenue and enjoyed the event thoroughly.
    Now most of them having turned into grand moms and some even great grand moms, even if they walk along with me on the same road I might not be able to recognize them. Those wonderful times we had with our friends had no photos that could be stored eternally in our 3D memory card, but were etched permanently in our minds, and what a joy it is to retrieve once in a while and smile about those happy days!

    Agatha83
     
  10. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Again a very thoughtful topic. This snippet recalled me many stories that if I start writing then it can become a complete novel. My first best friend who was in my class and used to live nearby too. When she shifted to another place I get depressed and cried too. Then we started writing letters to each other. But dont know what happened she suddenly stopped writing back and then when she came to my place she did not even informed me. I got to know when she was about to leave. I ran to meet her and she was giving lame excuses of not informing me. After many years I met her on FB but then also she added me but not had much interest in talking to me. After that met many friends some are still there and many always stay same no matter after how much time I call them. Many were like her too. But life goes on.
     

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